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how to turn down loaning money


goodguy81
Never Give Second Chance in Love
Never Give Second Chance in Love

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so my ex (who i was with for 9 years and still care about) is in some financial trouble and needs a loan ($1k)..this amount won't kill me but in reality it wont be paid back for a LONG time and i have already loaned her a decent amount of money..she asked me politely to help her get back to square one and give her this loan to get on her feet

 

i learned my lesson last time by lending her money..so im definitely not doing it..but what i want to approach it in the most tactful way..i dont want hard feelings and want her to understand why i cant

 

what can i say to her

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How long has it been since you guys split up? Does she have a pretty good idea of how much money you have? And what does she need the money for?

 

I would tell her that with how the stock market has been lately, you don't have much money yourself & can't afford to give her a loan. You could also add that since she still owes you money, you know that it would take her a long time.. if ever.. to pay you back & you just don't have the money for that right now. You could suggest to her to try to get a loan from a bank.

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I wouldn't bother getting into details...it will only prolong the inevitable (if you're absolutely sure about not wanting to loan her the money) or give her more time/opportunity to talk you into it (if you're on the fence).

 

A simple, polite, "I'm sorry, but I can't," is sufficient.

 

That you "don't want any hard feelings" is not a reasonable, attainable goal in this situation, IMO. At the very least she will be disappointed that you are unable to help her out...whether she chooses to build on that in a negative way is HER choice and her responsibility. You can only control whether you are polite & direct in your interaction, how she chooses to respond to "no" is out of your control.

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How long has it been since you guys split up? Does she have a pretty good idea of how much money you have? And what does she need the money for?

 

I would tell her that with how the stock market has been lately, you don't have much money yourself & can't afford to give her a loan. You could also add that since she still owes you money, you know that it would take her a long time.. if ever.. to pay you back & you just don't have the money for that right now. You could suggest to her to try to get a loan from a bank.

 

its been about 4 months..yes she knows how much i make and my financial situation..she needs the money for bills..she has alot of debt and is trying to get out of it and came up with a new plan to repay her debts but needs money in the interim until she gets back on her feet

 

i doubt her credit will allow her to get a loan at this point

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its been about 4 months..yes she knows how much i make and my financial situation..she needs the money for bills..she has alot of debt and is trying to get out of it and came up with a new plan to repay her debts but needs money in the interim until she gets back on her feet

 

i doubt her credit will allow her to get a loan at this point

 

Sounds to me like your thread question should be "How can I justify loaning her money to come to her rescue and I can be the hero in her life?"

 

Who broke off the relationship?

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If you are financially strong and you can afford to forget the $ 1k loan, then why not...

 

... Because he becomes the facilitator in her financial spiral and will only teach her a lesson that that she can get her way whenever she finds the need. It sets a bad precedence for future interactions which is not good for his psychological development of moving on, aka baggage.

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If you want to give her a loan & have the money to do it, then do it. But consider it a gift because a person who is drowning in debt will probably never have the money to pay you back. Is she in debt due to her own bad choices (buying things she can't afford but wanted anyway) or circumstances beyond her control (family illness, laid off, works a respectable job for the community that pays almost nothing).

 

If you are looking for a way to tell her no without getting her upset, there's no magic words to make that happen. But if you want to give her the money there's nothing wrong with that. Notice I said "give" not "loan".

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Dude, no way not a chance.

 

I'm all for helping people out but no one should ever ask for money especially an ex. That's disrespectful.

 

I have no idea what you think about her or if you have feelings for her, but giving her the money ensures your doormat status.

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gg81,

 

just say no. There's no need to baby her or sugar coat it. Just I cannot lend you money. If she asks why you say it doesn't matter why. She'll try to bait you into with false promises and hints about getting back together etc.

 

Stand firm.

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