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Christian Girl Giving Mixed Messages?


Prezkot

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So though I've counted myself a Christian for a number of years, I've only recently in the past 4 months or so have begun to take it somewhat seriously. I've been immersing myself and making new friends at a college-aged ministry every thursday and church every sunday.

 

For the first 3 months or so I tried to keep any feelings for any specific girls out of my head and just focus on God, but about a month and a half ago I started falling for a girl there. I felt like God was giving me a green light with it, and soon enough I'd find her at almost all the same post-church hangouts that I'd be at. She'd sit next to me pretty often as well.

 

So one Sunday about 3 weeks ago, I went to first service instead of 2nd service so I could hang out with my dad, so I didn't know as many people in that service as my regular 2nd. I was sitting by myself but then she came and sat next to me.

 

After that, I knew despite the fact that I'm kind of shy to these things, I had to ask her out. Knowing she's fairly hardcore Christian (not to say I'm not these days) all I wanted was some one-on-one time. So I asked her to lunch, nothing major. She said yes.

 

So I called her on that Tuesday, but as we were talking she backpeddled and said things like "I haven't been on a lot of one on ones with guys" (eerie use of words) and "I dont want things to get fuzzy". So that seems to be that. Usually thats code for "I don't want to hurt your feelings but I don't like you more than a friend".

 

But after an initial week of a little bit of avoidance, she's back to hanging around. My best friend had a "The Office" party after the ministry last thursday, and initially she wasn't going to go. I sent her a text, trying to coax her into it, and she came. Then last night we had this prayer dinner thing, and again, she sat next to me.

 

I wouldn't think this was more than her being nice, but why does she sit next to me so many times then if she didn't like me in some capacity? She knows I like her, so why bug me like this? Considering she's a Christian girl and we both have pretty busy schedules, is she worth waiting for for a little while? I really like her, but at the same time i don't want to have this drag on for absolutely nothing, but it's not like I don't have anything else serious at my plate. Or do I just need to move on?

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Well it could just be friends, or it could be more; who knows? I often sit next to my friends (of both genders) at all types of meetings. It doesn't mean I want a relationship with them. On the other hand, I've been out with a few Christian girls in my time (including my current gf, in fact) and some of them are in an almost constant state of indecision over whether or not to allow a guy into their lives at all, and require a good deal of patience and gentle persuasion.

 

If you want to see which it is, and you don't mind giving it another month or two, then carry on as you are; a little nudge forward, a pause to regroup, another nudge forwards etc.. You'll get there in time; just don't take no for a final answer (in terms of the relationship; nothing else!), because it frequently isn't in this situation.

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Considering my recent experiences with girls, well what can I tell you. I am ticked off at their behavior. Christian girls/Non Christian girls it doesn't matter. They are still girls and there's not a whole lot of difference just because one goes to church. This I can tell you. I have been flaked on by the best of them. But this is what I know to be true. The girl that I wrote about who I had a great date and would not return my calls is finally showing interest. I did the three call rule and then dropped it. Now three weeks later..guess what? She's emailing me to go dancing. hmmmm wish girls would get it straight the first time.

 

Push Pull - works

 

show interest, if she doesn't reciprocate, back off. Then she'll come to you when she's comfortable. Maybe it takes a little more time for it to bubble through their heads. Don't be mad when you see them again. Like this girl who blew me off this Saturday after we made plans for a date. I know she likes me...but why did she flake out? Beats me? Doesn't matter. All I know is that I can only control my own actions. I am not going to berate her. I am not going to call her back. I will in all likelyhood run into her again. We'll see then. Maybe I'll be available and maybe I won't. Her loss.

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If you like her enough to wait around & see if she comes around go for it. She seems like she likes you as a friend, ooh maybe a little more than that, but then is afraid to actually go out with you because she isn't totally sure she likes you like that.

 

Considering you are 23, I'm assuming she is close to your age which is a little old for all the indecisiveness.

 

If it were me, I would move on to someone who shows a little more interest and a little less indecisiveness. But that's just me. If you do decide to continue to pursue her, maybe back off on sending her all the "I like you" signals & see how she reacts.

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Prezkot,

 

In my opinion she is trying to uphold her faith when it comes to Christianity. A true follower of Christ knows that to have a traditional secular romantic relationship is out of the question. We must first be friends to find out if the relationship is equally yoked under God's rules. Read the old testament book of Ruth to understand the courtship process for our faith. Now the real question is what are your true intention towards exploring a relationship with her? Talk to your singles ministry leader to find out what is the proper protocols for Christian dating. Greg Laurie also wrote a great book about Christian dating you may want to find out. Just don't fall into the becoming a watered down backsliding false Christian.

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Prezkot,

 

In my opinion she is trying to uphold her faith when it comes to Christianity. A true follower of Christ knows that to have a traditional secular romantic relationship is out of the question. We must first be friends to find out if the relationship is equally yoked under God's rules. Read the old testament book of Ruth to understand the courtship process for our faith. Now the real question is what are your true intention towards exploring a relationship with her? Talk to your singles ministry leader to find out what is the proper protocols for Christian dating. Greg Laurie also wrote a great book about Christian dating you may want to find out. Just don't fall into the becoming a watered down backsliding false Christian.

 

I'm sorry, but this made me lol. Protocols? For dating? I say just hang out with her abit more, just treat her like any other girl you would want to pursue dating with, don't apply too much pressure, create interest towards you by not being around her all the time and making her wonder.

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I'm sorry, but this made me lol. Protocols? For dating? I say just hang out with her abit more, just treat her like any other girl you would want to pursue dating with, don't apply too much pressure, create interest towards you by not being around her all the time and making her wonder.

 

Are you Christian? If not then please consult a minister, pastor or preacher to discover these protocols; then again, if your are a Christian then talk to the aforementioned personnel to clarify what being a single Christian is about.

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I don't know about anyone else, but I think I'd be a little bit wary of using a 2000+ year old dating model in modern day society. Something tells me it might be just a tad bit outdated.

 

Yes, you're correct for non-Christians; yet remember that the OP stated his faith and where they met which leads to certain ways of handling this topic that most laypersons would not begin or want to understand. One thing I do know is Christianity and if you look back to my previous postings for the last two years you will understand that I have a pretty keen knowledge about Christianity due to my research and belief in it. I figure I'd be one of the few members on this site to truly opine on Christian dating since I have the practical experience on the subject.

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Yes, you're correct for non-Christians; yet remember that the OP stated his faith and where they met which leads to certain ways of handling this topic that most laypersons would not begin or want to understand. One thing I do know is Christianity and if you look back to my previous postings for the last two years you will understand that I have a pretty keen knowledge about Christianity due to my research and belief in it. I figure I'd be one of the few members on this site to truly opine on Christian dating since I have the practical experience on the subject.

 

We shall leave this topic to you then

 

Now taking center stage, FortunateOne lol.

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Yes, you're correct for non-Christians.

 

Maybe... I'm just not so sure. I mean, the Book of Ruth comes from the OT, the same book where it's okay to sacrifice your daughter to appease God as Hepthibah(sp?) did when he wanted victory over the Ammonites. Clearly we know today that it does no good to sacrifice your daughter to God, so if it's okay to rethink that path of doing things by God shouldn't we be able to review all things from the OT that may be a bit out of touch with modern society?

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First off, thank you to everybody for their replies so far! I had a nice long response written out, but Im at work, got distracted, and it ended up getting deleted. Erg.

 

As far as my intentions go, I believe I'm doing this out of goodness. I'm more out for the companionship that supplements my beliefs in God, but the physical side that I can't achieve from him or basic companionship from brothers and sisters. That being said, it's not a physical sort that necessarily means sex- I'm a virgin and while it took a number of years to accept that, now I'm thankful for it.

 

There's been times recently where I've flirted with non-secular girls at school and etc, but I realize that despite the fact that at least one of them probably really likes me, I don't see that same spirit as I do in the girls I'm around in my ministry groups. I can already see some of the problems I'm going to have with a non-secular girl if they aren't very proactive with at least some kind of faith in something.

 

I obviously knew that there was going to be some serious courtship involved, but I'm just conflicted between wanting to be patient and continue a pursuit, or chase after something easier, because I fear I'm going to waste all this time chasing after a dead end.

 

All I wanted from this beginning was some one-on-one time to get to know her better than in group situations and 5 minute convos, but I suppose because she didnt grant me that, I guess that should be a clear indicator how she feels about me. But I still can't get it out of my head that it's more out of traditional friendship and shyness that she put the brakes on it, because otherwise she wouldn't always be coming to me at these events.

 

Idk maybe I'm just an idiot grasping at straws.

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Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah.

 

Woah.

 

You can't use the Bible as a guide for modern dating. The reason has nothing to do with religion, it's a difference in society. You're talking about a culture where arranged marriage was commonplace, people didn't go hang out at a coffee shop for a first date, life expectancy was short, and a thousand other issues. Modern society, and by extension the dating process, is fundamentally different. That doesn't mean Biblical morals aren't still relevant, but the Bible is NOT a dating guide.

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My two cents: I'm a virgin, single Christian girl, 26 years old. I've often wondered why I'm still single but I have been unwilling to marry a man who did not share my faith the way I wanted. I've compromised on my values in my past when it came to dating men who were secular. I have dated non Christian men, but I never took them seriously. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life dateless, I guess. God has made it so that I don't date unless its dating a non Christian since there really aren't many available Christian men around, much less one that I would be interested in. REcently, I decided on a litmus test: not a Christian, not a date. So I have been dateless since I've decided that which was about six months ago. I believe "Friends First" is a great method...but with this situation, it sounds like there is some confusion/miscommunication. I would just simply talk to her, and say that you would like to court her at some point and if she is interested in getting to know you on a deeper level and to be honest with you about your chances. You also have to understand that she doesn't owe you anything beyond anything if she says "maybe" it just means you actually have a small bit of a chance. She may be confused about the way she feels about you. Either way, i do think it is your right to know at some point whether you actually have a chance with her or if you're wasting your time. That said, I think that the way Ruth did it is different from the way Isaac did it and other biblical characters did it...I"m not sure any of their lives are set in stone as examples for how we are supposed to do it. I agree with one of the posters about codes of morality but when it comes to methods of courtship I think that principles/morals from God's law are good overall ways to figure out what to do. How certain tenants trickle down into a translation for specific, cultural instances is something that is vaguely understood. I don't think there is a formula other than, "trust God and be righteous/pure in your aims". I don't think that the 'friend's first' is a necessity but through personal belief/experience alone (aside from any faith-based reasoning), I think its quite effective for finding out if this person could be a life partner. I am the sort of person who advocates a man acting like a man, which is taking the lead if he's interested...letting someone plainly know that you want a relationship.

I think the Bible is timeless though, and arguments about modern vs. archaic are pretty irrelevant except when dealing with minor cultural issues.

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  • 5 months later...

Hi,

 

Let me (as a woman) react on the situation...

How serious does she take her relationship with God?

 

It seems to me that she does like you, but does not know whether she can trust you, and does want to get to know you better first (as just friends).

 

I think For.. is wright. It may seem old-fasioned dating rules. but I have personally experienced how you can sabotage a relationship by rushing into it, So if you really like her, be patient and go do something fun with her and a bunch of friends...

Show interest in her personality and you will find out whether she is indicisive in other things.

 

Good luck!

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