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question for the ladies!


pitcher

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i understand that but if she is continuing to search myspace and all of that and sees i am dating someone else or atleast hanging out with other females would it be more effective to let her see i have moved on or not let her in on anything, and when i say which would be more effective, i mean which will be more likely to bring her back around to me?

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I would use my privacy settings to not let her see your profile.

 

If you have any hope of reconciling, not sure if you do, she needs to MISS you, so not knowing anything about you is the best.

 

It worked for my ex, he came running back 1 month later, but I didn't want him anymore.

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See, the whole NC to get a person back doesn't help get over the person at all. It just makes it worse. I don't think you should be conniving to get back together with her. Not unless you're both comfortable with not NEEDING each other because a relationship is an understanding more than anything else. Once it gets needy, things will unravel.

 

Pitcher, what happened, happened. It's hard, but you need to move on. The most you could ever do is confront her with your feelings (maybe with more given time) and if she wants to you can both give it another shot. Otherwise you need to make an effort to move on.

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that had nothing to do with the question asked did it? not to be rude, bcause i am not, I simply asked which would be more effective in bringing my ex back around letting her see im ok without her or letting her wonder what is going on with me, thats all. she is having her cake and eating it too right now and I just want to know besides NC which of those way would help me best in my pursuit to win her back.

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I dunno, seeing you with a new person tends to drive the ex nuts. Even if they don't want you back, many of them will still consider you to be "theirs" on some level, and when they see that you're not theirs anymore, they start to get weird. Don't date another girl for the sole purpose of getting to your ex, though. It may not work, and you'll just end up hurting the other girl.

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oh no but if i am hanging out with other girls there is nothing wrong with putting it out there and letting the ex assume on their own, i dont know we have been broke up 6 months now and we dated for almost 5 years, she is dating someone else, and thinks i am dating others she is in a relationship so she says putting all over her myspace and facebook, which she never did do the whole time we dated. she checks my stuff several times a day. she has started contacting here of late but yet talks about how happy she is, yet there is nothing positive in her life right now, the guy she is with is 21 years old, kicked out of school hardly ever works, family doesnt get along with him, he parties, yet i am the complete opposite. we have alot of history together, she has admitted to some of her problems, even went as far as admitting that she has issues. she is in a cloud and i know she has to be the one to figure it all out which sometimes sounds like she has, but I am looking for something that will get her to turn the corner, and I dont need any of that self help BS everyone talks about, been there done that, I will be honest I am looking for a way to get to her to trigger something to wake her up

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that had nothing to do with the question asked did it? not to be rude, bcause i am not, I simply asked which would be more effective in bringing my ex back around letting her see im ok without her or letting her wonder what is going on with me, thats all. she is having her cake and eating it too right now and I just want to know besides NC which of those way would help me best in my pursuit to win her back.

 

 

And we have now reached the anger stage

At least you're getting there, slowly but you're getting there.

 

On topic so I don't get a similar "dressing down": It's better to not let your ex know anything, that way not only is she curious but it also leaves her out of sight and you can move on easier without having to worry about her contacting you in any way. And just to clarify there is actually no sure fire way to bring an ex back so really there's no point in overanalysing methods you can use to get her back because it's not guaranteed.

 

On that same note even if the advice given to you isn't to your liking there's no need to be rude, you take that advice and you learn something new, no need to spit back in the persons face., don't act like you know it all.

 

I hope we've learnt something here today

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Tbh you already have an answer, even if it's not the one you want to hear, you said it yourself "she is dating someone else". You can't be badgering her with whatever "techniques" you may pick up here to get her back, she is with someone else, respect her by leaving her alone and respect yourself by going out there and enjoying yourself with other women and people instead of wishing for something you can't force.

 

I also understand that you asked a specific question but it's part of such a bigger picture here that not only will you get your answer(in a roundabout sort of way)but you will also not need to ask anymore questions like this because you will see that they're pretty much pointless.

 

Say you were to go by what people in this thread said and followed some of the things they suggested, what if they didn't work? You would be back at square one. I hate to "preach" NC etc but it really is the only thing that will give you any tangible kind of chance at getting her back. The first poster said not letting your ex know anything about what's going on in your life, that is essentially what NC is, you're removing yourself from the picture and making them feel your absense. It may not seem like it now but she is thinking of you, give her something to really think about and ponder over and wonder about, give her the gift of missing you.

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in the evenings when I am online I will see when the profile view number will change and sure enough i see if she is online and their she is online, it happens everytime i see her online my number of views will change

 

i wouldnt even check my ex's page.. that would drive me nuts to know what she is doing..

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thank you you finally gave your answer to my question, trust me on this one I am like everyone else in my situation, sure i want them back and yes i have went nc for several months now, yes she is dating someone else, and yes she is breaking nc with me to tell me all about it, but yet I only wanted to know some suggestions on whether to let her see what is going on with me or not and which might be the better way of getting her back interested in us, and yes i know there is alot more to it then just that, but you do have to start somewhere , and all i wanted to know is which would be the best start,e especially now that she has started contacting me even though she is with someone else. thank you for your honest answers

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thank you you finally gave your answer to my question, trust me on this one I am like everyone else in my situation, sure i want them back and yes i have went nc for several months now, yes she is dating someone else, and yes she is breaking nc with me to tell me all about it, but yet I only wanted to know some suggestions on whether to let her see what is going on with me or not and which might be the better way of getting her back interested in us, and yes i know there is alot more to it then just that, but you do have to start somewhere , and all i wanted to know is which would be the best start,e especially now that she has started contacting me even though she is with someone else. thank you for your honest answers

 

i hate to be blunt.. but look at the facts.. SHE Doesnt want you back.. she wants your attention.. she wants to know that she has you in the back of her pocket.. while she is out with her new BF and you are feeding her ego.. ](*,)

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wrong, because like i said I have been in NC for 4 months now sure she is contacting me but i am also telling her that unless there is a reason for you to be calling then it is best you turn your attention and energy into her new relationship, , she texts and calls and i dont respond or answer, she is the one trying to contact me about stupid reasons and telling me how happy she is and putting it all out there, the way i look at it is if you have to tell someone how happy you are then you prob. are not very happy. she knows i am in a good situation, she doesnt know i want her back well im sure she thinks that but i have not asked her back for that very reason, she is with someone else, i figured if she wanted us to be together then she will com around, i just needed to know what to do on my end let her see what is going on with me, which is all positive, or let her mind wonder, which would be more effective in getting her to think

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pitcher, I have a gut feeling that you're fishing for the answer you want to hear and ignoring the ones you don't.

 

No one is saying a reconciliation won't happen at some point. But, people are pointing out that her actions as of late don't show a single sign of it. She's throwing you scraps and you're eating them up. You're worth more than scraps. Until she approaches the situation with a bit more maturity and until she makes her intentions much more clear, you need to stop reading into all of this so much.

 

It's just going to continue to drive you nuts all while she's with some other dude. That's not fair, so don't let that happen.

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I'm not offended. I'm just not a fan of tactics to get people back or win them over.

 

If you want her back that badly then just be honest with her. If she can't be honest back, then you know it will turn into major drama should you two get back together. And yes, honesty doesn't work on a huge range of people I realize, but it's the best way in my opinion of figuring out whether or not it'd work for a long period of time.

 

She's playing a game with you and you're trying to figure out what game to play back. If you want to play your game that's your choice. It's your life, not mine. Just don't be surprised if there are repercussions.

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i am not looking for a certain answer, if you will notice i asked which do you think would give me a better chance, thats it, i see people telling me to look at what is going on not what i would like to go on or read into anything, well i am simply asking the same with my question, which of those two scenarios , A let her see what is going on with me, or B not let her see and cut her off from info that is going on with me will give me more of a chance for her to come crawling back, and YES i know that it might not happen at all, and i am prepared for that. She is playing games she has admitted to it,I know she is the one who has to figure it all out, but yet i dont want her holding on to me by checking my pages everyday, or giving up on us because i lock her out I just want to know which would give me a better chance?

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