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35 Days NC. How are all the rest on NC coping?


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day 69 for me and just having a bad day today, fed up and feeling down, bit i know its the best thing for me.

 

had a great week last week and thought i was nearly there, i know im within touching distance of it so ill hang tough and keep going.

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day 7 for me of nc, 3 weeks of break up. i almost contacted him last night because i miss him and because we said we would try to be friends, so he isn't blocked on his buddy list (and i left him on mine).... and so he must have changed away/info messages like 100 times.... yes, i am still a little stalkery and i'm still looking... yes, i really am a grown up, hard to tell by that comment though... it's just that all of his messages were about being sad and about what real friendship is, which i assume had to be in part directed to me, like i failed that test. i didn't contact him, though, because i promised myself he needs to contact me now... and if he's antagonizing me through such a childish medium, he is a turd. also, the idea of losing my seven days and going back to zero feels like a big step which will probably be a huge loss if i pounce on him for something random and combative which i'm sure he will just deny.

 

i've stopped crying all of the time, but i do bust out the waterworks sometimes now. he was the one person i shared everything with, good or bad. it's been hard recovering relationships with friends i neglected before -- especially to ask them for such intensive support. some days, i'm a mopey mess. other days, i'm fine and i get a lot done. i walk around a lot feeling dread in the pit of my stomach, like i really lost something. stepping back, he was a jerk to me a lot of the time, so i often get mad at myself for mourning this loss so much.

 

is the nc working? it has helped make it feel less overwhelming. i think my contact with him had previously been to demand answers or to have some tie to him, still, which just made everything worse. i still *wish* that i had the tie to him, but the way we left things, he wanted to be friends... so he would send me random emails, i would respond, and he would ignore my response. i finally got angry about him pretending nothing happened.... i emailed him and called him out, saying friends have trust and reciprocal communication. just because he's not my lover any more, i expect the same kind of trust in friendship as i would from a relationship. he has to care about me enough to ask questions about my life and about me, and to have some interest in the answer! he never responded, which made my nc vow stronger. every day does get harder, though, littlestar... every day, i'm convinced that because i'm out of sight, i'm out of mind and that he's over me. he started shutting me out totally before we broke up, so he got a head start on moving on. that scares me and horrifies me. i guess the nc soothes that in some ways because it's like, i can't brow beat him into loving me. that's just not how it goes. if i back off -- like way the heck off -- maybe he will realize he misses me. maybe he will want to contact me to tell me his hilarious story or funny tidbit and then realize he needs to be a bigger man in order to share that with me again. more importantly, i guess it gives me time to let the gaping wound scab over. every time we talk and it turns into fighting, i feel so small. i'm tired of feeling that way. i need more control over my feelings before i interact with him. he was just too big a part of my life.

 

congratulations on 35 days. you should be so proud of yourself. i know how hard one day is to make it through. if you feel weak, really think about why you want to contact him. and then think, is it worth it to have to start all over again? zero is an empty number!

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I'm on day 14 of no contact. about a month since the break-up. It's still hard, even though we only had dated for 5 months. I grew close to her in a short period of time. Yesterday was a hard day. Wanted to contact her badly at times. Today isn't as bad so far.

 

I just keep telling myself that contacting her isn't going to make any difference. I'll feel good for a little bit, but will slide back into sadness soon after.

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35 day's that seems so amazing to me right now.

 

I'm on day 5 and some moments are extremely hard. I can't wait to get to the gym tonight to release. I stayed in LC for a few weeks and it was just hurting me to much. NC hurts also but at least she cannot lie to me anymore. I constantly struggle to cope. I want to talk to her. I have never gone this long in 7 years without talking to her. I am not doing so well.

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Day 79 (I think, could be 86)

 

Not doing so well these days.

 

The relationship ended abruptly (were together over 4 years) through a series of misunderstandings that led up to her "testing" me. However, that was a "red flag" for me as you shouldn't test people you love, if you are unsure about them then you need to talk to them not run away and hope they follow you. Also, IMO when a relationship descends in "tests" and "game playing" there's no future in it. We talked when she came back but she said I hadn't changed for her (which I found insulting). So we finished.

 

So, I'm left with these thoughts which are building up. I'm okay that we parted and I wish her well. Unfortunately, being my first relationship I've reflected on it and I've found a lot of red flags that I ignored. As SuperDave put in one of his posts, "like a million ping-pong balls bouncing around in my head".

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Im not keeping track of the day, but i assume around a month or two. My thoughts are no longer in disarray. What ever happens, happens, i have no control over this aspect of my life. Whenever i start to think of her though it hurts. She just left, we had one conversation where she said she wasnt happy and it was over, then nothing. So ive kinda had a hard time coming to terms with this. Her NC is longer than mine.

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I am on day 32 after breaking NC last month after almost 3 months. NC is the hardest thing in the world to do and keep to. After seeing everyone's post, I do not feel so abnormal in the sense it takes time to heal.

 

The bad thing is I just wish my unrelenting LOVE would die. It seems foolish to continue loving some one NO longer in your life. But I see from others that it does take time.

 

To answer the question: I am not doing so well as of late. I still hold bitterness towards her and that will take some time as well to get over. I feel that I will always love her and I miss her badly. I have given up on having hope she will come back around...so I guess that is okay.

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I think I'm at about 2.5 months NC, I'm not counting the exact days. I'm just trying to forget and erase him from my mind... not really working though I don't even want to contact him, or see him. In fact I'm fairly certain he left me for someone else and is happily in love with her after just over 2 months, even though he couldn't say he loved me after a year... so, I'm terrified of what seeing him will do to me at this point.

 

I still break down and cry sometimes, and I miss him like crazy. How is that I can hold so much bitterness towards the same person that I love and miss like crazy? It confuses and hurts me... I sometimes wonder if he even thinks about me or wonders how I am. He has no idea how broken up about it I was becuase we cut ties after we broke up and only had contact through one email each a few weeks after we broke up. NC has been good though, becuase I sometimes wonder how I would've been doing had I still been in contact and really known if he was with someone else or not and known details becuase I was in contact with him... would've killed me I'm sure... this way is better, I know it is... what I don't know can't hurt me I guess eh? .... still so sad though Not sure when this horrible feeling will go away, or if it ever will.

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I think about 6 weeks or so not really counting, but dealing with the 5 stages of grief and am definatley in the anger stage. More like hate stage. Many reasons. Very hard due to compounded problems. Am moving away from area, better off. Small towns are too hard.

It's unreal how many people are going through heartbreak, you know it makes me wonder about this world and who can we trust etc. Lots of thinking. Don't know if that's good or bad. Wish you all well

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I'm at a few weeks or so. I am feeling better and am more able to do positive things for myself and my loved ones every day.

 

I still have moments where I doubt my decision but it really was the best thing for both of us. Unfortunately my last communication was pretty immature but oh well, at least it's done.

 

Now and then I feel a twinge of reconsideration but it passes if I don't pay too much attention to it. I am concentrating on enriching my life and the lives of those in my immediate vicinity. It's a big job and it's keeping me really busy which helps a great deal.

 

Hang in there, it gets better.

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The bad thing is I just wish my unrelenting LOVE would die. It seems foolish to continue loving some one NO longer in your life. But I see from others that it does take time.

 

Isnt that the most annoying thing on earth. Nomally I can concentrate on things that I wish to, why cant I simply turn off the switch for this person?

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day 18. Very mixed feelings, mostly anger right now and mostly at myself. I was hopefull until I saw him walking into his house w a girl Friday night when I was driving by his place. It was devastating. I felt sick and was in physical pain all night. Deleted his number from my phone, but I know his number by heart I wish I could wash him off from myself. I wish I could just go to bed or wake up one morning without thought's of him hunting me..

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a little over 4 weeks NC and 5 weeks not seen her. It is BAD! I want so much to see her and talk to her. Very, Very depressed. On meds and I think they still need to kick in.

I think of her every minute of the day. How she will one day marry someone else and have a family with another person and not me.

Hurts so much. Did not goto work yesterday because I was a wreck.

How can this one person do so much damage to me? I just let it happen and cant control it.

Feeling very hopeless.

I pray every minute that this will pass soon. I just want to not have feelings for her any longer. I want to not love her any longer. I want to not think of her any longer.

Please God, help me deal with this sadness.

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I am on day 6

 

Nights seem to be easier than mornings. I do not feel normal until I come and post on ENA.

 

She tried to contact me last night I ignored it. I feel like I have some control in this situation now. She had it all before. I am leveling the playing feild. I slept well last night holding on to this thought. Now I think the healing can begin. I have also tried to rid myself of the things that are not in my control. Mainly this is all the questions that I have been asking myself that only she can answer this helps.

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Day 35 for me today. I am not coping all that well. Each day is getting harder and harder. I am missing him so much.

 

Same for me. It's not getting easier at all and I'm on day 32. I still feel unbearable pain and loneliness every weekend and I cant go longer than 60 seconds without thinking of her. I know there won't be another woman on the planet who will have my heart ever again, at least not for a decade now.

The last time this happened to me was 2002. After that, it took 5 years to meet someone who I wanted to give my heart away to again. And that wasn't half as serious as this one. So this time, I'm looking at 10-15 years from now before I'm capable of giving it away again. But most likely that's it for me. She has my heart for life and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. She even acknowledges that if it were a "different time and place" she would have loved me and spent her life with me. So it's not stubbornness on my part, it's emotional reality.

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It's been over a month for me, I stopped counting the days. I am doing great.. every day is easier than the last. Things are falling into perspective and for a few weeks now I've realized I am so much better off without him. It really helped that at the beginning of October I learned he has a new girlfriend. That really propelled my closure. I don't think of him when I wake up, or when I go to sleep, and less and less inbetween as the days go by.

 

Of course, we had been breaking up constantly since he put my heart through a blender on Valentine's day, and had been treating me consistently worse and worse until we broke up. So now I am very thankful to be rid of him and my only regret is that I didn't kick him to the curb sooner.

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Day 36 for me now. I'm feeling pretty good today. A few days ago though my emotions ran riot a bit and I felt like I was back at day 1. It was horrible.

 

I'm sticking firmly with the NC though. I'll never break the silence first. I'll let her do it if anyone is to break it (after all she dumped me, so she can do the crawling back).

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I think... almost 4 months? Gosh, I don't keep track anymore.

 

It took time. It took patience. It took prayer (Please Lord, just a little easier tomorrow!) It took a few slogans, "Not my will, but God's" and my favorite, "If I can't control it, change it, or fix it; I'm letting it go."

 

I miss him still. He was truly the one. But NC keeps my self-esteem intact, and me, living my life.

 

Keep up the great focus everyone!

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