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Chillihead
Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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My current GF and I are taking things slow again - we were having a great relationship but she is confused as to what she wants. One day she says she wants nothing more than to be with me then the next she doesn't. Her reason is that she hasn't had to time to get over her last relationship - we both broke up with our ex's then got together, so she really hasn't had time to process the end of that relationship yet. She says all will be good in time, so I am giving her time and space. With that said we went for beer after work tonight and were snuggling on the couch at the pub - it was great...

 

So, last weekend I was at the park with my kids and I ran into an old ex, who was also at the park. We exchanged phone numbers as we had kept in touch until she moved 18 months ago (I didn't have her cellphone number then). So I get home from the park and she starts texting me and basically invites herself around for coffee which is cool with me.

She gets around and we start talking and reminiscing. She starts saying that her marriage is rocky and she is bored and it's quite obvious that she wants more than coffee, but I love my GF and will not do anything to jeopardise my relationship with her.

Finally my ex leaves but texts me when she gets home and says that she wanted me (duh!) and asked did I want her. I said no. So that's cool. We text a bit the next day and then she leaves me alone.

 

Tonight however, she texts again and invites herself around for coffee, which I don't mind. This time she turns up with her hair done, makeup on, nice top on, clearly in the hunt for more than coffee. So we sit on couch, talk, watch some TV all the while she keeps 'accidentally' touching me. I give her the grand tour of my house and of course she is keen to stay in the bedroom, but I squeeze past and continue the tour.

 

Then when she is leaving we hug good bye and she gives me that look and I tell her to keep those thoughts in her head. When she asks why I tell her - I love my girlfriend even though things are a bit rocky, and I will not cheat on her. My ex says well done, because she knows that when we first met I would not have been able to resist her advances.

 

So, any thoughts on what went down, or how I should handle her advances should she persist. My GF knows she was here, she just doesn't know that she is my ex.

 

My apologies if this is not in the right forum.

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your doing the right thing, except for lying to your gf, i mean if she finds out it was your ex....

 

your told your ex that your not interested, yet she still persisted (although you did give her a sign in all fairness. ), but she didn't respect your motives and came round again with stronger intentions. i think you have to consider going NC.

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your doing the right thing, except for lying to your gf, i mean if she finds out it was your ex....

 

I think you are right, and thereforee I think I will tell her tomorrow. I don't want any secrets, especially like this.

 

your told your ex that your not interested, yet she still persisted (although you did give her a sign in all fairness. ), but she didn't respect your motives and came round again with stronger intentions. i think you have to consider going NC.

 

She texted me just now actually to let me know that she has gotten the message, so NC may not be necessary. Still, I won't be making first contact.

 

Thanks Syntax

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She gets around and we start talking and reminiscing. She starts saying that her marriage is rocky and she is bored and it's quite obvious that she wants more than coffee, but I love my GF and will not do anything to jeopardise my relationship with her.

Finally my ex leaves but texts me when she gets home and says that she wanted me (duh!) and asked did I want her. I said if I was single, yes, but I'm not. So that's cool. We text a bit the next day and then she leaves me alone.

 

Tonight however, she texts again and invites herself around for coffee, which I don't mind.

 

Sounds to me like you enjoyed the attention...I mean after knowing full well what her intentions were after the first time why in the world would you agree for her to come over the second time! If you really felt bad and wanted to be loyal to your girlfriend, you would not have invited this woman over a second time. As far as this woman "inviting herself over" well, that's crap...because you always had the option to say NO.

 

As for your girlfriend...sounds to me like you may be rebound person...she is all over the map and is not ready for a relationship...which means cuddling should be out of the question because that is sending mixed messages. If you both linked up soon after splitting from other people, then neither of you are ready for a relationship...no, you are not ready either...because no matter how much you pat yourself on the back for resisting Lolita's attentions, the fact still remains is that despite knowing what she was about, you still put yourself in a position to encourage it...so you are not really that ready for a relationship either.

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np glad it worked out.

 

when you tell your gf the truth and she ask why u didnt tell her before, just tell her you didn't want her to worry about something that would never happen, shes gonna be a bit disappointed no matter what, but im sure shell understand.

 

Exactly what I had in mind I'm sure she will understand as well

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Sounds to me like you enjoyed the attention...I mean after knowing full well what her intentions were after the first time why in the world would you agree for her to come over the second time! If you really felt bad and wanted to be loyal to your girlfriend, you would not have invited this woman over a second time. As far as this woman "inviting herself over" well, that's crap...because you always had the option to say NO.

 

Perhaps I did enjoy the attention But after I thought I had made it clear the first time that I wasn't going to sleep with her that would be that, and we could just have coffee. And yes I could have said no, but again I thought we were clear. We certainly are now

 

As for your girlfriend...sounds to me like you may be rebound person...she is all over the map and is not ready for a relationship...which means cuddling should be out of the question because that is sending mixed messages. If you both linked up soon after splitting from other people, then neither of you are ready for a relationship...no, you are not ready either...because no matter how much you pat yourself on the back for resisting Lolita's attentions, the fact still remains is that despite knowing what she was about, you still put yourself in a position to encourage it...so you are not really that ready for a relationship either.

 

Yep, she sure is all over the place, and it would certainly appear she is not ready for a relationship, which I understand. Perhaps I am a rebound,perhaps I am not, time will tell.

 

She is certainly not a rebound for me...

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np glad it worked out.

 

when you tell your gf the truth and she ask why u didnt tell her before, just tell her you didn't want her to worry about something that would never happen, shes gonna be a bit disappointed no matter what, but im sure shell understand.

 

I told my GF today and was really glad to get it off my chest. The funny thing is that she already knew what I was going to say, and she was completely cool with it. I felt much better

 

Also, it turns out that my GF knows my ex as my ex was 'friends' with my GF's boyfriend many years ago... It's a small world ...

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