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Always feeling second best when going after girls


Iwantittoend

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It's hard to explain what I want to say, but here goes...I've noticed something a lot lately, and it's really been bothering me. For example, there's this girl in my class that I really like. We sit next to each other every class and I help her out with her homework and we hang out from time to time around campus. I introduced her to my friend that was with me once, who is very loud, talkative, acts stupid, etc. Next thing I know they are hanging out without me and are now dating...it really shocked me. But of course, I didn't say anything. I backed down and let the BS go on...I guess you could say it's my fault for not making a move, but he knew I liked her. He shouldn't have done it.

 

This seems to happen all the time. I'll meet a girl, get to know her, and she'll be taken away from me. It seems like I'm not good enough because I'm quiet and more of the type to just stay in rather than go out. I can be outgoing when I'm comfortable with a situation, but I'm not naturally outgoing like some people are. I feel out situations and have a very sarcastic sense of humor. My ex left me for a more outgoing guy. She didn't say that, but I know that's the reason...and now there's this new girl I like but she's eying a more outgoing guy...

 

I'm getting tired of it happening all the time. I always feel like I'm playing second fiddle to everyone else in the dating game. Any advice?

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I don't think it's the fact that you're quiet and less outgoing, there's nothing wrong with that, a lot of girls are attracted to guys like that, I think it's more the fact that you're not being quick enough to make a move. Eventually the girl will get tired of waiting and might think you're not interested in her. You have to act quicker. It's really hard to tell if a guy likes you when he's quiet and seems uninterested. With the girl in your class that you liked, besides helping her with homework and hanging out, did you ever try anything not as friends? Like flirting, hinting you like her?

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I don't think it's the fact that you're quiet and less outgoing, there's nothing wrong with that, a lot of girls are attracted to guys like that, I think it's more the fact that you're not being quick enough to make a move. Eventually the girl will get tired of waiting and might think you're not interested in her. You have to act quicker. It's really hard to tell if a guy likes you when he's quiet and seems uninterested. With the girl in your class that you liked, besides helping her with homework and hanging out, did you ever try anything not as friends? Like flirting, hinting you like her?

 

As I got to know her better, I did drop some hints here and there. Like she'd say one thing, and I'd give her a sexual innuendo. I guess she could've thought I was just messing around because I'm sarcastic all the time, but I thought I made it pretty obvious I liked her. I just never straight out said it.

 

Maybe I'm just not seeing it, but almost all the girls I know go for the loud, life of the party, type of guy.

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I sometimes feel this way and i just tell myself some of my friends are just assholes, and the girl happens to be the wrong one. Because if she really is attracted to you, she wouldn't just prance off with one of your buddies. Unfortunately, it has happened so many times so perhaps I just have no luck with having good friends and finding the right type of women

 

You see, I'm not as quiet a person as the OP is describing. I engage in conversation a lot with girls I am interested in, they seem to like me, so the next thing I do isintroduce her to my friends and somehow I become the odd man out. Not cool, but that seems to be the pattern I'm living in right now.

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As I got to know her better, I did drop some hints here and there. Like she'd say one thing, and I'd give her a sexual innuendo. I guess she could've thought I was just messing around because I'm sarcastic all the time, but I thought I made it pretty obvious I liked her. I just never straight out said it.

 

Maybe I'm just not seeing it, but almost all the girls I know go for the loud, life of the party, type of guy.

 

I make jokes full of sexual innuendo with my guy-friends all the time. That doesn't mean anything, all it means is that you have a sense of humour.

 

If you want a girl to figure out that you like her without "straight out" saying it, then you have to make it very, very obvious. In relationships, subtle hints don't work, obvious hints don't work. Hints don't work period.

 

What you need to do is that the next time you meet a girl that you like (It's very important that you start this stuff from the beginning of your interactions with her) you start touching her. Whether it's a pat on the shoulder, your hand on her lower back as you come up beside her, your arm around her shoulders while walking, a tap on the upper back to emphasize a point while talking. No matter what it is, you have to make the relationship physical. Once you've done that, you need to actually ASK HER OUT ON A DATE. Study sessions probably aren't going to turn into make-out sessions, chilling with friends won't turn into a make-out session, a walk down the beach on the other hand... well, I'll let you figure it out.

 

But anyway, if you incorporate those two little tricks into your game, you'll have far more success with girls.

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Now this is just my opinion, but, I dont think that not being loud and outgoing is the problem. The problem is you need to be what you are not, and that is assertive.

 

I believe that in the regard of a person liking another there is one rule that everyone must remember. The other party can not read your mind. Basic fact, yet person after person, believes that a look here and a glance there should let the other person know what is inside their heart.

 

The best way for a person to know how the other person feels is to tell them. Yes it is easier said than done, but it needs to be done. You may feel shy, or embarrased or afraid of rejection, but what is worse, being told no, or never having the chance to be told yes?

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