Dizzyman1978 Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 The time came for our marriage to end without any idea why this had come about, She said she needed to find her happiness and wanted to live life as herself, (Even though she will have the children from our marriage)and she couldn't do it with me. I have been a good husband and friend.(I hope) I'm not perfect, but I also don’t feel that I am the source of all my wife's unhappiness. She as found another person whom may make her feel happy, but who is to know until the time comes. I just hope that she realises the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I love my wife with all my heart, and if she finds happiness through this journey, then it will be easier to let her go and accept the fact our marriage is over. I love her enough to let go if she can find the happiness she seeks. I will always honour her decisions and will always have a place in my heart for her no matter what she as done. I at this moment in time feel that I would take her back at any time within my life as she as been a part of me for so long (14 years long) I just wanted to express that even though there are those such as myself who are now terribly unhappy and abandoned and feel empty inside, that hopefully there will be a day I recover from this and I may once again continue with my life. Even though I will never ever find another wife/partner I just hope I can find the courage to continue and be successful in my own life and prove to the many people I didn’t rely on my wife and children to keep me going. I have two children whom she will be taking as this is for the best (Or I believe will be) I will always find it hard once when I see them to not to forget the times we had as a family and am feeling that this will be even hard once I do visit them. The reason I write all this is I feel I need a little support or advice from people whom have suffered the same and what if anything helped them get through this terrible and emotional time, cause as Im feeling right now I have honestly lost the will to live, I think the only thing keeping me going is the two precious children I have. Is this just a natural thing for me to be feeling, cause I also feel very angry inside….. Thanks for taking you time to listen,,,,, Link to comment
Maelstrom X Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 In America, about 60% of the families are in a similiar situation. Do right by the kids, but don't be such a sap. Get a lawyer, stop with the "I'll never love again stuff...the upside is you'll have time to yourself and can grow during this time which will make you a better father. There are alot of single women out there in a similiar situation...the dynamics of you family have changed but it could be a positive... Link to comment
Syntax1985 Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 In America, about 60% of the families are in a similiar situation. Do right by the kids, but don't be such a sap. Get a lawyer, stop with the "I'll never love again stuff...the upside is you'll have time to yourself and can grow during this time which will make you a better father. There are alot of single women out there in a similiar situation...the dynamics of you family have changed but it could be a positive... tough love is good love. great advise. Link to comment
DN Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 Why does she have the children? Is there any way you could have them with you? Link to comment
Dizzyman1978 Posted October 19, 2008 Author Share Posted October 19, 2008 In America, about 60% of the families are in a similiar situation. Do right by the kids, but don't be such a sap. Get a lawyer, stop with the "I'll never love again stuff...the upside is you'll have time to yourself and can grow during this time which will make you a better father. There are alot of single women out there in a similiar situation...the dynamics of you family have changed but it could be a positive... i understand what you are saying but. its very difficult to think that..... I do hope I can pull round from this and do feel if i do I will be a stronger person, not just for myself but my children. Link to comment
Dizzyman1978 Posted October 19, 2008 Author Share Posted October 19, 2008 Why does she have the children? Is there any way you could have them with you? I was thinking about taking the children myself, but again my thoughts are with them in my desicion as they always need a mum to help them along in life.. I will still be there for them as much as they need me Link to comment
DN Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 They need a Dad too. There is no real reason in these times why it should be assumed that your wife is the best person to take care of them if you are equally capable. Link to comment
redhearts Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 Or if I can say you want the mom and her NEW BF to be around the kids? I think you rather have them more of the time. Link to comment
blue69 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 What the kids need is stability. Emotional stablity around them. I hate to sound crass, but quit the melodramtic "I will never find another..." It wont happen as long as you keep that attitude. Either fight for your marriage or let it dissolve. If it dissolves then focus on you and your kids. Dont be an emotional blow hard around them. Be strong and do it for them. Don't allow her to trample you down. Stand up for yourself and be true to yourself. Work on getting your self confidence back. Exercise, find things to do for yourself. Setup your household. Focus on the things you can control, the things you have the ability to influence and change. You can't force her into anything.. but you don't have to say... "whatever makes you happy." That is crap. You have the right to tell her you are disappointed in her. That you think she is being selfish. Tell her that you disagree with her decisions. Let her know that because of the kids, you will be cordial and friendly but that she has lost a lot of respect in your eyes. And then move on. Once you feel strong about yourself, then you can find a new partner to enjoy this journey through life with. Link to comment
Onetimer95 Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 If I were you, I would tell her that she is not going to take your children away from you without a fight. She may be saying things about leaving in the hopes that you will fight for the marriage, maybe she thinks you don't care enough to fight for it. Even if she is serious, I wouldn't just let her take your children away. What is that going to say to the kids if they think their father didn't want them. Being generally unfulfilled in a marriage is not a license to take someone's children away. Link to comment
John Bendix Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 If history serves us in these walkaway situations, she is not looking for you to fight for your marriage. She has probably long ago made up her mind to leave and seek the often sought (but misunderstood) emotion of "happiness". She seeks someone out there that will "make" her, what she cannot see to be a personal issue, happy. In her attempt to end her own emotional suffering, she has probably blamed (as you have eluded to) the unhappiness that she feels entirely on her relationship with you and by extension, you. This suffering and pain that she feels compels her to leave. She may see it as the only avenue open for her to escape these feelings. The selfishness expressed is as much a self defense mechanism as it is anything. As you have probably discovered, she has "closed down" to any rational discussion of the issues that you two have together. And any attempt to break through this emotional wall will only cause her to build a bigger one and hostility will ensue. Your anger is a normal response to this situation but wil not serve you very well just as self pity will not. As for the children, I was awarded all of mine, along with the house without that much of a fight as her obsession to leave out-weighed her concerns for them and our family. Trying to deal with the situation and her in a rational way is assuming something that is not there. Rationality probably left the building a long time ago. Link to comment
aries23 Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 wow... your post is kind of what i'm going through. but i want my husband to at least see our son and call him but when he's mad at me he doesnt and my son's 1yr 1/2 and he always asks for his papa. and i feel bad. i love my husband so much but i dont know what to do. i want to do child support and alimony on him but at the same time i dont i dont want to push him away. you sound like a good person just please remember always that your kids are a big part of your life and if you cant see them at least call them and make an effort to spend time with them. your marriage lasted for 14 yrs mine about 7mos were are separated now but we were together for almost 4yrs. he supported me since we were just dating and i love him for that. he was such a great husband he gave me the world. he doesnt answer my calls or messages and it hurts so bad. and hes the love of my life, my husband , my friend, and we have a beautiful son and he will always be in my heart and i will never love someone else like i love him. the situation is very different when the couple have children because i know maybe if i didnt have a son with my husband this will be alittle bit easier to cope with. if he didnt want a family with me then why did he tell me he did? why did he marry me? thats what hurts... just take care and take time to see your children and i hope it works out for you. i know ppl are alittle bit harsh on this website and i know what your going through and its tough Link to comment
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