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Hitting me...sort of


queenofhisheart

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My boyfriend of 18 months was helping me do some of my math homework on the couch when he slapped my cheek. He didn't slap me exactly gently but on the other hand I bruise very easily and am pretty sensitive to pain. He did it in a sort of joking playful way but I definitely did not think it was okay. After I cried out and grabbed my cheek He then took my hand and forced my hand to slap his cheek 3 times while I tried to pull my hand away. After that I turned to him and informed him that if he ever hit me again we were over. He has never in the past hit me except for one time when he pinched my leg pretty hard and left a bruise. I just don't feel that hitting is okay. I remember in high school a victim of abuse coming to talk to us and saying that once a man hits you and you let him he will think it is okay and keep doing it. I definitely did not want that. After I told my boyfriend we were over if he hit me again he got quite upset and left without helping me to complete my homework telling me that he didn't deserve me etc. I'm not sure what to do now. Did I overreact ?

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you didn't overreact at all. what he did is definitely not okay. His reaction to what you said seems very immature. You did the right thing by giving him an ultimatum and telling him it's not okay, because physical abuse definitely isn't even if he sees it as 'playful' the point is you don't.

 

If you want to try and smooth things over perhaps you should try and explain why you don't want him to do that and why it's wrong. He should know that to begin with, but try to make him see it through your eyes. But I think it was good letting him know he's on thin ice - you can try to explain things but at the same time don't let yourself be a pushover about it - it's pretty disgusting behavior.

 

good luck!

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No, you did not overreact. No one should ever slap, pinch, hit or otherwise abuse you, and if they cross the line they need warning, and if they do it a second time, you need to protect yourself and leave.

 

He may come from a family where the kids were physically reprimanded by slapping, spanking or hitting and not recognize that it is not appropriate. But he NEEDS to recognize it is not appropriate, so you did the right thing.

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If he was doing it playfully, yes you overreacted. If it seemed playful but had a more serious undertone to it, you did the right thing. If he was being playful, you probably hurt his feelings, badly. If he was hiding aggressiveness by pretending it was just a playful slap, let him go. If you don't like being even playfully slapped, calmly tell him that you do not like that and let it go unless he does it again. Guys slap each other playfully all the time. I don't like it, but if my bf did that, I would just tell him I don't like that and not accuse him of being an abuser or something like that.

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It sounds like he was being playful and was just stupid about it. He likely will never do something like that again. I'd say that you didn't overreact as he shouldn't be hitting anyone in the face ever even as a joke... but you should let it go if he learned the lesson.

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I agree, it does sound that it was a playful gesture, but he did not realize his own strength. He more than likely feels like a jerk for doing so, and your reaction only flamed his guilt. My boyfriend and I will play fight, wrestle each other in a teasing manor, but he knows he has to be delicate, seeing as I am much smaller than in him. And he definitely does not slap my face.

 

Anyway, I think you should talk to your boyfriend about it. I understand your reaction, it was not uncalled for. He should not have hit you in the face, playing or not. That was a totally stupid move on his part. You've voiced to him how you feel about, and that's, that. Thus he likely won't ever do that again. He obviously was not thinking. And if it does happen again, run don't walk.

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he slapped my cheek. He didn't slap me exactly gently but on the other hand I bruise very easily and am pretty sensitive to pain. He did it in a sort of joking playful way but I definitely did not think it was okay. After I cried out and grabbed my cheek He then took my hand and forced my hand to slap his cheek 3 times while I tried to pull my hand away.

 

See, the thing that bugs me about this...he saw that it hurt you and then he did it again, 3 more times (well, he used your hand, but whatever, same result). I cannot understand why he would think it was OK to do that. I don't think you overreacted. Once is a mistake. 3 more times is just pushing it.

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Hitting someone in a playful way is okay, but I find it hard to accept how you could hit someone in a playful way but caused you a bruise/damage on your skin (sensitive or not sensitive) .

 

So no, I don't think you are over-reacting.

 

If he touches you again, consider breaking-up...

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No, you were in line telling him that.

 

He does need to be informed when the line is crossed. Presumably he was "joking" but when it doesn't seem like a 'joke' to you- than it's not a 'joke' no matter what HE thinks.

 

Sit him down and explain, that you don't consider that playful or funny. You don't need to mention that you will break up with him, just tell him that that sort of contact between you 2 in unacceptable.

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