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My g/f broke up...Really need advice!


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Hi there,


Ive been reading a lot of these forums the last few days, and now am hopefull for any advice you can give me in my situation - it will be sorely appriciated.


My girlfriend of nearly three years broke up with me last wednesday. We've been through a lot togethor, we got togethor in the final year of school, and had amazing times. The last two years we've been at university, at different ends of the country, this has been tough at times, on her more than me- but until recently we've got though it really well. The last year (our second year at uni) was when things started to go wrong.


I started playing this computer game lots, I mean every day, id skip lectures more and more and generally just stay inside doing hardly anything productive. Sometimes when we'd see each other i'd play for little bits, and leave her doing something else. I was really addicted.


This led on to a lack of attention from me to her, even in holidays we'd see each other less and less, I might make an excuse just to stay home and play games. I really sunk into my shell, and while she goes out (she is a very social person) id stay inside saying i have no money or dont feel like it.

I ended up failing my second year beacuse of this.


To cut a long story a little shorter, she told me that this was an issue, that she felt like i didnt do anything any more, and implied that I should change (although never really saying it in so many words). When we went back to university for her final year (i would be repeating my second) I fell back into just playing games again.


until she tells me that we should go on a break. Then it hits me, ive been such an ass - I deleted all the time consuming computer games and really started trying to make more of an effort, with her and university.


A week later she tells me she had cheated on me a week before. - Her reasons, she didnt fancy the guy, but he had been paying her attention when i was home playing games and making excuses, and they got really drunk and went to a house party and ... . She says they stopped very soon as it didnt feel right, and she was so sorry and made a big mistake.


After a little while, i forgave her. I really really love her so much, and cant bear to loose her. Although she says we should continue on the break just to make sure how we were feeling. In that time we were nearly as close as we were, calling nearly every night and having real nice chats 'like they used to be'. I even went up to vist her for a couple of days, it felt like we had regained that fire that we had.


A week later she says she needed a bit of space, so we shouldnt speak for a few days, I rang her the next day (silly i know) after seeing something silly on facebook, I was upset and said that we cant keep doing this, it really hurt. She asked if i couldnt wait a couple of weeks for her to sort her feelings out, i said i could. The next evening she rang me and broke off our relationship. Reasons- She had so much on in her final uni year, and cant handle trying to repair a relationship too. She said she would call in a few days.


Its now been four days and she hasnt tried to contact once, i sent her a txt the day after we broke up saying "Hi. Your right, i cant fight what you want from us, i want you to be happy in the longterm. I love you and lets speak when we've had some time. You best get where you are wanting to go, you deserve it." We also had a little IM chat yesterday morning where she was very direct with answers, i said we should talk when she is ready, she replied she would phone at somepoint. This is nearly two days ago, (4 since the breakup) We've never not spoken for this long and apart from when ive been able to distract myself I cant stop thinking about her.


One thing i am going to do is ring her tomorrow, not to moan or cry but to talk, if she'll take the call that is.


Where do i go from here? I feel ive lost her but I cant give up on a 3 year relationship like that- we were engaged...

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im sorry to hear what you went through, but you chose computer games over your girl. Thats a big no no. Both partners in a relationship need attention from each other. Clearly you havent seen the signs, because you were playing computer games all day. No wonder why she cheated on you.


A woman needs to be appreciated, wanted, loved and cared for - specially if you guys were dating for 3 years. You pretty much ignored that due to your addiction with computer Games.


My advice is to leave her be - dont crowd her cos that will only drive her more. Let her call you now.

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Yea, I realised that a little too late it seems.


I sent her a text tonight, couldnt really handle the not talking thing. She says she is really hurting (which seemed strange as she broke up with me - but positive in that she still has feelings for me - Dont like that im hurting her even now though). I tried to come accross cool and collected, and even thrown a joke in. We agreed to talk tomorrow night. Not sure how I should try and direct the conversation, talk as friends or try and patch things up if she sends the right signals?

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