Very quick relationship advice needed

[thekid55]

Hello, I'm 19 years old and I'm in college. I have a beautiful girlfriend (we'll call her N) that I like a lot and have a great relationship with.

 

Here's the short backstory:

 

Over the summer, I was getting over my last relationship that ended in June. In the beginning of July, some friends from college and I decided to have a summer get together. One of my best friends at school, (we'll call her A), has been a great friend for me since the beginning of school. She's fun, always there for me, I consider her one of my best friends. So at this get together, she introduces me to one of her best friends, N, who also goes to our college. I didn't know N up until this point. N and I immediately have sparks and ended up hooking up during that weekend. N and I decided to have contact over the summer and see where things would be when school restarted.

 

School restarts and N and I hang out regularly. We both really like each other. And we have been together for about a month after talking for 3 months. Our relationship is great, healthy, etc.

 

Here's the problem. A seems pretty jealous of our relationship as well as all our other friends' relationships. She is pretty much the only single one and she can't stand that fact. She has restored to drinking almost every night of the week. I've tried to help her and all, but she doesnt listen to me.

 

So 2 nights ago, A came over and was like, "You should really have sex with N, she's so stressed out" and that comment made me upset. But I didn't say anything to her about it. I later told N about it and she was furious. We feel there is so much more to sex than that. N got upset with me since I didn't say anything to her about it. I just told her that I was trying to avoid problems and thought nothing of it. I reassured her in the future that that won't happen again.

 

My question: How do I successfully keep my relationship with N stable while being good friends with A?

[Syntax1985]

ah , balancing friends and lovers is never easy, the best is to treat them as 2 separate things from my experience. what you gf tells you is between you and your gf. what A tells you is between you and A. and they talk about between each other, that should stay between them. just takes abit of all round respect for each others privacy, because at the moment, N is angry for what A said, if she confronts A, then A's gonna be pissed with you.

 

and dont let A's jelousy of your relationship effect your relationship.

[lady00]

It's probably tough being the only single one because apparently that is something that matters to her. I don't really understand as I'm usually the only single one among my friends (not currently, but usually) and it has never bothered me much. I think you should talk to A and tell her (at the time she says things) that certain comments are not appropriate or make you feel uncomfortable. This issue is something between you and A that you have to address if your friendship is going to continue. She can't keep making remarks like that.

[wintermelody]

I agree with the above posters. A needs to respect your relationship. If her jealous behavior continues, it will only create animosity between the friendship itself, and between you and your girlfriend.

 

She obviously has insecurities, as it is not only with you. Personally, if I were in the situation and I had a male friend jealous of my relationship and made brazen comments that stepped out of line (she insulted your girlfriend indirectly through you), I would call them on their behavior. If it continued, I would cease having contact with them. A is acting like a brat. She is being immature, and selfish. So you need to talk to her about it, get a pair, and tell her to respect your relationship or she'll be losing a friend. That is what I would do. And if push came to shove, and an ultimatum is put forth who would you choose? Your girlfriend, or the friend? Just some words of wisdom.