gary1958 Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 I read so many statements about people posting to others that they were just not compatible or he/she wasnt the right one for you. I dont believe that is always the case. I for instance was with someone for 2 years. We were so compatible on so many levels. We got along so well and loved each other deeply. Unfortunaltely she had a personality disorder(s). This inevitably made the relationship toxic. I stayed 1 1/2 years longer than I should have cause I am a fixer and thought I could help. You cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped or doesnt think she has a problem althou she was fomally diagnosed. So I kind of resent the "you werent compatible tag" Its been 18 months apart. NC until last month where I may have gotten an email from her but I had her blocked and watched the email pop in and then get deleted. Never the less, I still love her to death.. think about her everyday and wonder what might have been if she would have addressed her issues. I would have backed her 1000%. But as for being incompatible, that isnt always the case when a relationship ends Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 What is her reasoning for not seeking help? Link to comment
Nearwater Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Yes. My ex "seems" to have borderline traits and has the past to have caused it. We got along as you said, very close and loving, but there was something missing in her, love and affection did not affect her as it does most people. When we started to really become deeper connected at 3 years, planning the future, she waited till she was away, had an affair and broke up with me, never to look back. In our talks she agrees wholeheartedly about our compatability. Refuses to accept her past has anything to do with it and will not ever see a therapist. Saddest period in my life. Link to comment
gary1958 Posted October 17, 2008 Author Share Posted October 17, 2008 Denial.... actually went to counselling near the end of the relationship. She was given a book on this disorder and asked if she could read a couple of chapters and then have me read them so I could understand what she goes through. Liked our counsellor so much that she was going to make an appointment for herself. 2 weeks later ended our relationship during a panic attack and in an email a week later informed me that there is nothing wrong with her and that I just stressed her out. You cant help someone like that who is in denial and afraid to address her issues. Link to comment
Nearwater Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Oh Gary this is so familiar and sad, I am so so sorry. I hope you have been able to let go and enjoy your life without her again. I hope that for myself someday too. I am stuck with her at the center of my life and trying to change that. Link to comment
gary1958 Posted October 17, 2008 Author Share Posted October 17, 2008 For the most part have let go.. moved on.. what will be will be.. my heart hopes someday she calls .. my head and gut say stay no contact and dont get sucked back into the cycle.. It woont change.. she wil repeat this with every guy she is with. nothing was ever enough. And the emotional abuse. Lets just say Im glad to be here...18 months out. no desire to date. just lovin me... sad but true Link to comment
jettison Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 incompatible –adjective 1.not compatible; unable to exist together in harmony You and your ex were "unable to exist together in harmony". That made you, erah, "incompatible". I'm not at all sure what your point is here. Most people aren't together with one another unless they derive some kind of pleasure/enjoyment, even if that pleasure is really just having someone there to be angry with. Lots of people break up because they really just weren't that attracted or excited about their partner, and once again it can be said that they were incompatible. They could not live in harmony because at least one person was always dissatisfied and wanting for more. Incompatible is just a catch-all phrase for "we didn't work out", and if you're not dating the person that you were once dating then you are, by definition, incompatible. Link to comment
Mayday11 Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 "Incompatible" doesn't even necessarily mean personality-wise, either. You two could get along perfectly, but if you're at different points in your life your relationship is rendered 'incompatible'. Incompatibilities aren't always permanent, either. I've seen many couples who have broken up and eventually gotten back together and gone on to get married. Two very compatible people, but due to circumstances at a point in their life, their relationship was incompatible and therefore they broke up. Link to comment
redhearts Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 It could also mean the spark or chemistry was no longer there on one side. Example you can think everything is grand, but your partner just doesn't has been putting on an act. So when she breaks it off, your like what? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 I agree with jetti. I don't totally understand your point. Based on what you stated you and your ex were NOT compatible as in you were unable to be together in a harmonious situation. Her personality disorder might even have been the thing that helped lead to incompatibility. Just because it was a disorder doesn't mean it didn't effect her personality and thus your compatibliity with her. And yes, MANY people split due to incompatiblity. Your post doesn't make a lot of sense. Link to comment
jasper01 Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Gary- I get what you mean. If you're firmly convinced of your personal truth that love does not consider anyone a 'wrong person' then ultimately you will find some peace with it. I read something once saying 'no one ever thinks they have the 'wrong' child'. I think that sums it up. It's when people don't want to deal with their own stuff that they say another person they have already been deeply bonded to isn't right for them (which is different from just not being attracted in the first place). Probably what is going on, is this situation is hitting a nerve or issue in your own self esteem. If you can sit with that you may find your way through it. Link to comment
gary1958 Posted October 17, 2008 Author Share Posted October 17, 2008 What I mean is that when two healthy or semi healthy emotional people come together there is a real chance of success. If 2 people come together and one is emotionally healthy and one has emotional/mental issues. Then it isn't about compatibility. Because no matter how compatible you two may be the relatonship 9 times out of 10 is doomed due to the persons emotional/mental issues unless that person recognizes them and is willing to work on them Link to comment
JadedStar Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 What I mean is that when two healthy or semi healthy emotional people come together there is a real chance of success. If 2 people come together and one is emotionally healthy and one has emotional/mental issues. Then it isn't about compatibility. Because no matter how compatible you two may be the relatonship 9 times out of 10 is doomed due to the persons emotional/mental issues unless that person recognizes them and is willing to work on them I just have to disagree. Just because two people are emotionally stable does not mean they will find success. There are many compatibility factors that come into play and that is where the saying "sometimes love isn't enough" comes from. Sometimes the differences are just too great to find happiness with smoeone. Link to comment
spion_kop Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 "Incompatible" doesn't even necessarily mean personality-wise, either. You two could get along perfectly, but if you're at different points in your life your relationship is rendered 'incompatible'. Incompatibilities aren't always permanent, either. I've seen many couples who have broken up and eventually gotten back together and gone on to get married. Two very compatible people, but due to circumstances at a point in their life, their relationship was incompatible and therefore they broke up. that's a very interesting point mayday. I wouldnt say my ex and i were incompatible but we were two diff people. I'm more of a (lack of a better term) nerd, while she was a very beautiful and flirtatious woman. However, we shared more than just that. We were the envy of many relationships but we were also at different points in our lives. Our self expansions with each other had reached it's limits. She was seeking a different direction than i was. For a relationship to work, you need passion, intimacy and commitment. We had the first two but we're lacking in commitment due to the circumstancial events in our lives. Link to comment
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