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she likes someone else. I'm so depressed.


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Hi all, bit of a long one so apologies for that.

 

It's been a while since i posted here, partly due to being on holiday and partly due to me seeing how i get along without it. For those who dont remember any of my posts, i've been split up from my girlfriend for 8 months now after a very loving 3 and a 1/2 year relationship.

 

Firstly, i'm not here now looking for sympathy, alot of people here suggested nc yet a heeded it all and stuck to lc. I just couldn't bring myself to go nc as i love her so much. I just need to vent and hopefully get some constructive advice.

 

Anyway, it turns out she's started getting some feelings for someone else. Now its been 8 months since the break up so she's entitled to do whatever she wants. But this guy is a work colleague of hers who was sniffing around her shortly before she broke up with me. I told her from the off that i was insecure about him but she maintained they were just friends. But now after all this time when i knew full well what he wanted. (He told her shortly after our break up he liked her) she tells me she thinks she like him a bit too!!!

 

I feel so heartbroken all over again cos i could see this coming but she always maintained she only saw him as a friend. When she broke up with me she said she needed time alone and i do believe that was the truth, and she still says now she isn't pursuing him or looking for a relationship with him, but knowing she likes him even slightly has broken my heart again.

 

I now have no choice but to withdraw from the situation to protect my already shattered heart. I'm so sad about it and its knocked me for six!

 

She still tells me i was the most perfect boyfriend ever, that i'm the most amazing man in the world and she's terrified now that i'll stop talking to her. Why's this??? I personally believe she is very confused and she still admits she's probably running away and doesn't know what she wants. Because i've never cut off contact, she has no perspective on how she'd feel if she actually lost me!

 

In short, i believe one day she'll realise she made a massive error. Our relationship was so loving and she maintains she was madly in love with me and i'm everything i could have asked for.

 

I'm so hurt and confused. Why wasn't i enough if i was apparently so perfect!!??

 

Thanks for reading, any comments welcomed.

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I went back and read some of your older posts. She broke up with you to concentrate of her career without a boyfriend - that's what you said. Anyway, that doesn't make intuitive sense to me. Did you tell her that she can have a boyfriend and concentrate on a career at the same time?

 

You were together for 3 1/2 years and were quite loving! Are you sure you really know why she broke up with you? Maybe she wanted to get married and felt like it wasn't going that direction?

 

Would you want to be back with her if you could?

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At the end of the day, she's her own person so if she didn't feel like she could juggle having a boyfriend and a career then sadly for me it's her call. She definitely didn't want marriage, she's only 23 and she wants to spread her wings and all that. All i have is what she told me so i have to believe that.

 

Yes i would have her back because i still love her very much.

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Well man I'm sorry this happened to ya. Again at 8 months you should have known, I guess this is why everyone recommends NC. As hard as it is to grasp when someone leaves you it's because they believe there is something out there better for them. She needed time to focus on her career?... ok sure.

 

Now sense this is breaking you up I would go NC, get your life back on track and start trying to find whats better for you. She may realize what she had with you was great... but she obviously already realizes that and things there is greater out there. Sorry man I know how it is. Basically the same thing happened to me.

 

I will say I've been more or less NC for a good deal of months and I'm starting to get better. Not affected by her actions anymore... And I'd say I'm generally pretty happy right now. So who knows, GL man.

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Cheers testcase. As much as i respect her reasons for the split, i can't understand why if i'm apparently so amazing and brilliant why she doesn't want me. I guess i just have to let her get on with it and if she realises she made a mistake in the future i'll have to see what place i'm at.

 

Man, love hurts.

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Np man. Again all I can say is it does get better. Also a big thing to note is don't ask yourself why you weren't enough. Cause honestly there is probably no answer. She might think she has one... or she might be extremely confused as to why she feels how she feels.

 

What you should take from this is she thought the world of you. Know that your a good guy and you did all you could do. Eventually someone else is going to think the world of you again.

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Eight Months of Lc and you are the first to admit its because of your feelings for her.

 

Why are you torturing yourself like this? You should have gone NC a long time ago, you wouldn't be feeling this emotional about the situation anymore if you had.

 

When it comes to getting back together with someone, never say never because who knows what the future will bring. But, it is important that every type of break up be treated as final.

 

If she likes someone else that has nothing to do with you, she's clearly moving on with her life. You would be wise to do the same.

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Punk bf

 

Yep, i'm an idiot too and i have said that. I need to learn to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve all the time.

 

Blueeyedboy

 

You are not telling me anything i dont already know but as i've just said... i am an idiot!

Thanks for your comments anyway, i need to stop torturing myself!

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You're left with the rather sad choice of either finding out why she really broke up with you if she'll tell you (nobody really ends a perfect relationship to concentrate on their career; it's the flimsiest of excuses), or leaving it. The latter would be better for you, not in order to make her miss you (she might, but she also might not), but in order to avoid being in any more pain yourself. If you'd been in NC, you know you wouldn't be experiencing this now. Don't stay and watch her get together with this new guy; it will just hurt you more. Wait for them to fail, and for her to come running back, if that vision appeals to you right now and can give you the strength to do it. In time, I hope you'll find someone even better and decide that you don't want her back.

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Well I know I've said a bit on this thread but I agree with karvala. Just begin NC. When I first started it I'll admit probably like most it was an attempt to get my ex back. But enough time passes and you start to realize the benefits it has had for you. Eventually you hit a point where the NC is no longer an attempt to have your ex miss you.. but you realize your doing it because of the great strides your making.

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thanks karvala,

 

she knows full well i wont stay around and watch her get with someone else. She knows if she does then i will be off. Maybe this is the kick i need to withdraw.

 

But she says she doesn't want to lose me and she's not persuing him.

Why do you think this is? am i on back-up or is there more to it?

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thanks again testcase, i know i need to go nc but i haven't had the courage. But there is no way i can stick around if she were to get with this other guy.

 

In a way, i want her to get with him so she can realise she wasn't missing out on ANYTHING by being with me!

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thanks karvala,

 

she knows full well i wont stay around and watch her get with someone else. She knows if she does then i will be off. Maybe this is the kick i need to withdraw.

 

But she says she doesn't want to lose me and she's not persuing him.

Why do you think this is? am i on back-up or is there more to it?

 

She will pursue him, or at least give into his pursuit. Imagine what it took for her to tell you that she even likes him as more than a friend. What was her purpose here? Not to hurt you, I'm sure, so what was she trying to achieve? My guess is she's priming you for the next stage, when she tells you they're going out on a date. If she really had no intention of doing anything with him, she wouldn't have gone to the trouble of telling you.

 

You are on back-up, unfortunately, and it's a place where she's been happy to keep you for eight months now. She's unfortunately not going to spontaneously change her mind about your situation now, at this stage; if that were going to happen, it would have happened months ago. Now you need to make a move, to alter the situation in some way, and the best thing you can do no matter what your objective is (reconciliation or moving on) is to walk away for the time being.

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Karvala,

 

i know you are spot on i need to walk away.

 

She didn't exactly tell me out of the blue, for reasons that arent important i asked her and she said something along the lines of that if he were to stop showing her attention she wouldn't like it so maybe she does.

 

But i'm still thiking she's maybe just digging the fantasy but the reality would be a let down. I should stop thinking about it and just leave it!

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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