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Meet with Ex Fiance after 2 years?


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So basically, dated a woman for ~3 years, was head over heals in love with her. We got engaged and she went abroad for 6 months of study where she ended up being unfaithful.

 

About a week after finding out, I cut contact completely except for a few text messages and 1 phone call over the past 2 years.

 

She's going to be in town in a couple weeks for the weekend and wants to go for coffee. I said yes, not because of any hopes of getting back together etc but more because I've missed my friend who I always had such a great connection with. I'm not expecting it to be like it was and think it may end up being a little awkward but I feel as though it may be worthwhile to see her.

 

I've more or less gotten over her and don't think about her anymore except for when I go back to our college or talk to one of our mutual friends.

 

Any suggestions about how to handle the meeting? Should I even bring up what happened over 2 years ago or just view it as a cup of coffee with an old friend?

 

How should I handle it?

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If you really want to bring it up and see what she says, of course you should. But it seems like she's the one who owes you the consideration of bringing it up with an apology/explanation if anyone is.

 

But if it doesn't come up, that's cool, since you're just old friends at this point, really. Handle it like meeting any old friend you haven't seen in a couple years. Keep a time limit in mind and see how you feel around her.

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You can't really plan for this kind of meeting. I say go and see how things evolve. She may bring up what happened herself. If not, I'm pretty sure you'll know what to do. It will most probably be a little awkward but it could also be very nice to see her after all this time.

I hate the expression "over her" but do you feel like you have moved on since the split?

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I hate the expression "over her" but do you feel like you have moved on since the split?

 

I'm not really sure...I don't still think about her every night and have dated around quite a bit since ending things with her but I still haven't found anyone that I've had more fun or been more compatable with. I guess that is more why I think of her as a friend, we have such compatible personalitites and had so many inside jokes (as most couples do) but I haven't dated anyone seriously since the split.

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You know, you could surprise yourself. Likely, you two will have a type of endorphin rush just from seeing each other again for the first time in so long. The good memories will likely flood back while the bad ones won't be as prevalent.

 

However, you need the right mindset. Prepare for her to do things like talk about other men, or a boyfriend. That's just as likely as not. And when she does this, you need to focus on who you need to be with her. You should not be looking at yourself as a jilted ex-lover of a woman you adored. Instead, focus on yourself as an energetic, capable, new man on the scene who is getting attention payed to him by an attractive woman, a woman that is choosing to spend time with him despite the fact that she has a boyfriend.

 

Look at it this way, her new guy is the one who now has to worry about his girlfriend's wandering eyes, about potentially being two-timed, about holding onto someone that he's into. In this equation, you would be the potential threat to his happiness, the new guy, that guy that, who knows, she could cheat on him with. That's your station now.

 

It may turn out that she is not flirty or over-the-top, that she just treats you like a dear old friend. In that case, enjoy the memories and moments for what they are. Or, it may turn out that she throws you vibes. And in that case, look at her as a new woman that you're just getting to know rather then the old person that you remember. After all, after so much time, she really is a new woman.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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