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Im in a bad way and confused.


DelG

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Hi all I just found this forum and I am in need of a little help.

 

My Story Bare with me it could be long)

I have been with me GF/Future wife for 10 Good years.

This March she began an affair with a complete loser at her work. I say he is a loser because he is, he is basically a typical English /BNP supporting /racist /boozing thug and he is 22 years old and she is 32!!. However that's by the by. I guessed something was wrong and she eventually told me that she had a crush on somebody but it was over now.

 

2 Weeks later she started a huge argument and then made that an excuse to leave our home because she needed space, of-course I was upset but I said "OK I am sorry you feel like that over such a small thing as me telling you that Doctor does not open till 5pm on thursdays, but I understand." I was naturally upset but I thought no..there is more to this.

 

It transpired that she went to Hotel with this guy and had Sex with him. Then came back the next day, and said she was upset with me but wanted to make us work. A Week past and Then I discovered that she had been texting him constantly. I confronted her Nicely and we resolved it.

 

Now at this point you guys may be thinking Kick her out, however I am a strong and confident man and ultimately I love this woman so I said OK this is the last chance Ill forgive, but I cant forget.

 

Another week later I found a bill for a Pay as you Go Mobile Sim card...and Bang she was gone again, Straight to a Hotel had Sex again and came back 2 Days later. However this time I said no, you have to go. She went back to Italy for a week where she comes from. She took time off work. Whilst she was there I went straight No Contact, but I was stupid enough to take her to the train station to get her train to the airport.

 

She came back from Italy and almost begged me for forgiveness, she was a changed person, Full of life and happiness and remorse. Everything has been fine (or so I thought) She was really nice, appeared to make an effort.

This brings us to the end of July 2008.

 

The night of the 9th of October 2008 I discover that she has been talking to this guy on face book chat. and the messages were not nice.

to quote on from him to her and back again.

 

"hey Sexy I'm in bed wish you were here"

she replied

"I wish you were there waiting for me"

 

I confronted her and she said she knows she was wrong for talking to him but she just liked the buzz from it, however she swears on the bones of her dead mother nothing has happened. I said I needed to think and we just carried on as normal till Monday night. She then came home from work and blurted out that she needs a break from me from everything. She is still at my home but she is toying with me I think, she wants to cuddle up to me but I said to her why don't you go cuddle up to him, and she says well I can do what i want we are on break. Now I cant just throw her out, because I am just not that harsh, I know what you guys are going to think, but I just cant do that I am mentally strong enough to cope.

 

So now she says she is leaving, She says its nothing to do with this guy. yet she carries on with me almost like nothings happened. I could write so much more but this is the long and short of it.

 

Any help and advice please, I am devastated and shocked, I don't know what to do anymore.

 

Thanks all

Jason

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Welcome to the forums!!

 

Stick around here and get the support you need. Alot of good people here.

 

This woman is really bad for you. The games she's playing are horrible. She's an untrustworthy liar.

 

Do yourself a favor and get away from her for good. She will only deliver pain.

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She was looking for an out...

 

...10 years together and still haven't pulled the trigger on marriage? She cheated on you and you still let her live with you...no female is going to respect that...

 

...your only chance is to throw her out, create some space and then maybe start over...

 

...but your not strong enough to do that...c'mon dude...don't be a sucker!

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I agree with Mutt. She has some issues that really have nothing to do with you. Good loving people dont act this way to the people they are supposed to care about. I'm sorry for you but it seems like until you make a stand and stick to it, she will just continue to fanny about and live in limbo. Look around this board and you will see lots of posts like that.

 

You will have a good person that just wants to help the other and then they just end up getting taken advantage of. She wants to have her cake and eat it to. Right now she is being allowed that, so where is the motivation for change?

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She was looking for an out...

 

...10 years together and still haven't pulled the trigger on marriage? She cheated on you and you still let her live with you...no female is going to respect that...

 

...your only chance is to throw her out, create some space and then maybe start over...

 

...but your not strong enough to do that...c'mon dude...don't be a sucker!

 

Hi there, The reasons for no marriage are purely down to money for both of us.

for our first 5 years together I was the only one working, she was studying law which cost us or should I say me, a huge amount of money. She then had a few jobs in law was bullied in her first job and hated her second so gave up on Law, and worked as a sales assistant which paid a low wage, but funnily enough more than a starting wage in Law. I was not impressed that she gave up on law, made my feelings known but I supported her. I treated her like a wife, and always promised her once we got financially stable which we were just beginning to do and ready to buy our own place. I have always told her I want children and her hand in marriage. Shw used to maon about not being married sometimes, and I know her, she in reality did not want to until we had our own place. But you know women they want what they cant have and dont want what they do LOL. Please dont judge on this, but you may be right I may not be strong enough, I just cant see 10 years go down the toilet for what??

 

Many thanks

Jason

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Put it this way, you already wasted 10 years on this woman, don't waste another 10 more years. She clearly is a serial cheater and wants OUT of this relationship.

 

I agree. She is a coward who is doing all the things to make you be the one to end the relationship because she doesn't have the courage to do it herself.

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I was with my ex husband for 16 years. There will probably be a point for you when you realize this is who she is and more than likely she will not change. I know you are a little stunned now & trying to make the best of it, but do yourself a favor and set some reasonable timelines for change. I set some for my husband (but in my own head as I don't believe in ultimatums) and then just watched as he continued along, gave him all the rope he needed and of course he hung himself. I tried to be there for him, make it work b/c we had been together so long & yet while he talked a good game, the actions did not follow.

 

There is still plenty of good times after 10 or 16 years.

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wow- i was reading your story and it hurt me.. your girl is playing you. everytime she cheats on you and comes back you are basically telling her its ok to cheat becuase i will always take you back.. she is having her cake and eating it too and you are letting her. You need to stand up for yourself and stop being a doormat. It has nothing to do with strength it has to do with self respect.

 

personally i think she needs a lot of attention and not just formyou.. but from everyone.. classic sign of low self esteem.

 

in your heart you think the right thing to do is stay with her, because you truly love her, if she truly loved you would she hurt you the way she does? In your mind you know the right thing to do is end things, because she is basically a bad person. good luck in your situation

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Hi Hulk thanks,

I think you hit the nail on the head. I have always been there for her to prop her up when she is down. Help her when she needs etc.

She is very needy.

Its now 23:50 in the UK she went out after work, and is still not home. I know with whom she is with and its not the guy. I guess she is staying out of my way. The good thing is, I am slowly starting to see through this behaviour, she knows what she is doing is hurting me and she does not care one bit, so I guess I should start repaying her with the same respect.

 

I also want to add, that since she has been at her new Job she has got a lot of confidence which I was pleased about and actively encouraged her. Seems now she is ok I can go f**k my self

 

To think of all the things we have been through, and all the stuff we have done, and now she treats me like this. I know you all my think I am a wuss, but out of principle I would never treat anybody like this.

 

I also don't see why I should give her the satisfaction of me ending it, as one poster has said, she is trying to get me to do it.

 

I am so disappointed, what a nice person I love

 

Thanks all for listening.

 

Jason

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