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Should I Really Go?


Slagar

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My life is a wreck. I'm unemployed. I've got no degree. I've got experience in a field I hate, but I'm struggling to hold on mentally at the moment, so I haven't been applying for jobs.

 

I'm considering leaving town to get away from my family. The last few years have been hell for me, because I was pushed into a job and life I didn't want, by an offer I couldn't refuse.

I never fight back or stand up for myself with them, because they just get nasty. They're not bad people, but because I'm the 4th of 5 children, I am at the extreme bottom end of the food chain. I never engage, because I know I cannot win with them. I keep quiet to protect myself. My father used to abuse me, and standing up for myself just made it a thousand times worse.

I feel my siblings are often a lesser version of the same thing. They get nasty for no reason and try to provoke a response from me, but I still stay quiet. This means they order me around a lot. Sometimes it's with good intentions, sometimes not; I loathe them for it.

 

I barely speak to any of them anymore. I isolate myself as much as possible from them. I've got a bit of savings left before I completely break down. I'm scared of what I'll do if this happens.

 

Should I leave? I'm scared to. I've never been anywhere on my own; never really been anywhere, period. And I'm not exactly at my most confident self right now. I stopped counselling about 6 months ago, because I had decided to leave town - my counsellor was very encouraging of the idea. But I still haven't left. Is it really the best thing? I'll lose all my friends - the only good thing in my life right now. I don't know anything about going to a new city. What if it doesn't work out? Maybe I just need to figure out a way to make staying work for me?

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You owe it to yourself to try and find happiness. If it means spreading your wings, and leaving your family behind for the moment, go for it bro.

I packed up my car when I was 21, and moved 1,500 miles away from my entire life. All my friends, family etc..to a new place, a new environment, and new experiences. I was scared out of my mind at first, but who wouldn't be? 4 years later, I'm still in the place I moved to, and couldn't be happier.

Make a plan, on paper, in your head, whatever is easiest for you. You will meet different people, and build an entire different life. Then you can decide if that's what you want, or if you were better off where you were. You won't know if you don't at least give it a go. I wish you luck with whatever you decide bro.

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Thanks for the encouragement ready2heal. I guess I have to change my mindset still to do this. It's so depressing when I think about it; my friends travel all the time. I'm 23, this could be the last chance to really do something for myself and get it right. I need to focus on the future, and the good that will eventually come of this.

 

Still, it's really hard for me. Thanks.

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nikesnlevis: thanks mate. It's amazing that you did that, and I'm glad you shared that with me. It's very encouraging, and means a great deal.

 

I think I kid myself, because staying is the easiest option - it hasn't worked for me for as long as I can remember, why would things improve now?

 

I guess I know what I have to do. Many thanks to you both

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Slagar: I have moved (major moves) about ten times in my life. Moving between states in the US - often jumping coasts. I moved out of my parents house at 18 to another state.

 

Here's the deal. It isn't really that hard after the first couple of weeks. If its possible that you can get a job or start school in a new city, then go for it. Its better if you are being "pulled" rather than "pushed" - if you know what I mean. When I moved it was always for a job or for school, so I had a natural "plan" of what to do when I got there.

 

If you don't have a degree, could you go to college far away? You're only 23. It would make sense to go off to school, get a degree, and then have a career.

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