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Being a grown up sucks...


brokenjerseyheart

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Hi everyone,

 

I've been a member here for a while after going through a major break up about 4 (wow) years ago with my high school sweet heart. Since then I've grown, become an independent person, gained some personal emotional insight and basically gotten over the whole affair for the better.

 

Recently, however, I've broken up with my girlfriend of one year. It was a whirlwind romance... we met last October and made an immediate connection... we were different people with different interests but we loved one another's company. We both packed our bags and decided to follow our dreams and move accross country together... next thing we know we're living together. Things were divine for a long while until she had to go away on a business trip for three months where she more or less rediscovered what she wanted to be in life. When she returned the connection wasn't quite there. Combine that with me losing my job in the financial industry and you have a recipe for ill communication between the two of us.

 

Last week, after a month of long talks about how "things don't feel the same, but we still love each other", we broke up. We've been trying to more or less try and be friendly but each night ends with us saying how much we hate this current situation we're in and that we still love one another. The constant back and forth rollercoast makes be believe it's getting to the point where I need to initiate NC but I'm having trouble finding the strength to truly make the announcement...

 

I still love her and wanted ever so badly for us to have a life together... she says she still loves me and that she couldnt imagine her life without me in it. Problem is we are both not the people we want to be in life career wise. To make things more complicated next week will more than likely be my last week in town... I've been applying for jobs and the only one that I have had an interview and subsequent offer on is 2,000+ miles away... back in our old hometown.

 

How do I do this, guys? Should I have one more dinner with her and tell her that this is the last night that she'll see me or should I just send her an email?

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god i miss running around naked playing fireman, now i get arrested.

 

basically bud you need change, you need to get yourself a job you enjoy and you need o discuss her interests further if shes feeling shes re-discovered herself but your still part of the picture.

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breaking up is the most painfull experience i ever went through in my life it hurt so bad and theres nothing you can take to cure it it just has to go on its own with time and that was the living hell not knowing when the pain will go away or if you will ever get over the person but one thing is true always time does heal all wounds it just depends on how much you loved the person.love and pain always walk hand in hand like two star crossed lovers,

 

========================================================================================

 

omondi

 

love and pain forever mates

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Career. Wealth. Future.

 

It's all bull * * * * if you have no one to share it with.

 

Just my two cents.

I second that. Now that does not diminish the value of doing work worth doing. Many people, myself included need a rewarding trade/craft/career/job to be satisfied wholly, but the work, and the money from it, as I see it, should serve life's greatest pursuit: Love.

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god i miss running around naked playing fireman, now i get arrested.

 

basically bud you need change, you need to get yourself a job you enjoy and you need o discuss her interests further if shes feeling shes re-discovered herself but your still part of the picture.

 

I agree with Syntax too.

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First off, my appologies for how beligerant my post was... not that this will probably be any better

 

Yes, you guys are totally right on so many levels. The thing is, though, that our career paths have more or less made us unhappy to the point where our relationship has suffered. We both come home depressed and we both let this go on long enough for it to damage our relationship. Is the damage irrepairable? I don't know... what I do know is that we're confused and hurt.

 

I for sure know I still have strong feelings for her. I also recognize that everytime we've wandered back to one another the past week or so we've ended the night in or near tears. It's a real stinker of a situation. The only tool that I know of is NC... which will be difficult to initiate let alone endure. Any other suggestions?

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Awww this makes me so sad. Of course you are both going to be depressed about unfulfilling career paths, and when a person is depressed it carrys though to the relationship, but why does this mean you have to go your separate ways? Do you feel like this is the only way to solve the career issues? On your own?

 

In a relationship, you need to create that boundary between the unfortunate things we all have to deal with, i.e. career not going as planned, school, stress, day to day routine, etc... and the love you have for one another.

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Yeah.. makes me sad, too

 

I would really love to make this relationship work... I've gone through the passed few months envisioning a serious future with his woman and now it's in serious doubt. As much as my whole perdicament is "b.s."... something which I've called her out on... it's my reality.

 

My only tool to try and salvage something is with NC... unless someone can offer a bit of better advice I don't know what else to do. With that in mind, I want to know if you guys think what would be the best way to approach the subject... in person for one last time? Would an email suffice or is that too impersonal? Her parents flew out here this weekend so I certainly won't be broaching the subject between now and Monday... I still need to get my stuff out of our/her apartment by Sunday night, though. Maybe leaving her a letter? Any advice?

 

I still love her deeply and really don't want to hurt her anymore or the potential of having somekind of future...

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Your situation is heartbreaking for sure, sometimes problems seem insurmountable.

 

But consider this, it's not what happens to you that determines your happiness it's how you deal with it.

 

You certainly can empathize with each other's work life. I suggest you start there, lend an ear and start doing the things you already know that will comfort each other. When you feel safe enough together you can begin to help each other solve the problems.

 

Two is a very powerful number.

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