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Was I just not good enough?


Band_Nerd
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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He used to tell me, that I was his one and only, and that he never wanted anyone else but me. But now, he's been with someone pretty much since we've broken up. I wish he had never said those things, because I believed them. When I accused him of just telling me lies after we broke up, he told me that he never lied when he told me those things, at that time he had meant them.

 

Over the last couple days, I've just figured I wasn't good enough for him. I didn't know what he wanted from me, and I tried everything to make him happy, but everything I did just had seemed to make him angrier.

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He will have meant them at the time, its hard but people change and feelings change, don't beat yourself up about it, you are worthy of love and one day you will be saying all those things to another lover, and it won't mean any less because you said them once before to someone else.

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first off, you are better than him, OK?

 

sometimes people just dont work, even if you love them so much!! sometimes people just dont understand eachother and can't work eachother out! and sometimes people just dont want the same things... and things like that just make your mind go crazy crazy! so personally... i dont know about you... i found that.. i have a choice...

 

i can CHOSE to be happy or sad... if i try hard enough... obviosuly your relationship is over, so you need to find a way to deal with all the emotional crap...

 

hope thats helpful, and sorry if im crappy at it... im new..

 

ps. you are better than anyone, thats important to remember!

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Sadly most of the bad ones will reel us in with the you're my one and only thing. My ex pampered me and even called me queen for 2 years and I never wanted for anything emotionally or monetarily but as it turns out he was married the entire time. So, you never know a person and words can be used anyone the speaker would like them to. Its up to us to compare those to actions and make sense of it all. You'll be ok. He wasnt good enough for you.

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To answer the question of the topic, yes, you weren't good enough. Before everyone starts blaming him, recall all the things you did for him to try and make him happy, and the result was that he was still angry. I understand those feelings, because to me it would feel like you didn't think of yourself as being good enough, and would come off as being manipulative, like trying to buy my love. The natural reaction to that from any human being is to push away. Before anybody says "all guys are a-holes", this is actually more common among females. The difference is, if a girl picks up on a guy being nice like that, generally she won't go out or sleep with him, lol. Both situations, the actions get interpreted as being manipulative at the root by those people's subconsciousness. I'm sure if you knew that you wouldn't have tried so hard to please him and not make him angry, and just been YOU.

 

Sincerely, best of luck next time, work on your self esteem

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..

I think it is possible to try too hard, especially if you feel someone slipping away from you. I have done that myself when my esteem was low. We shouldn't have to try so hard, it is true. But we want our partners to be happy at the same time...

 

But responding to kindness with anger is not a quality person, IMO.

I think it's a perfectly acceptable and natural response of emotional self defense. Its pros are that it doesn't leave room for false hope, like "I don't really know if I can date you right now, I really like you as a friend" being directed towards a guy who might be trying too hard. See my point?

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..

I think it is possible to try too hard, especially if you feel someone slipping away from you. I have done that myself when my esteem was low. We shouldn't have to try so hard, it is true. But we want our partners to be happy at the same time...

 

But responding to kindness with anger is not a quality person, IMO.

 

I think towards the end I tried to hard, because I felt him slipping away, and I was so afraid and desperate to keep him. It seemed right to me at that time. It just pushed him away, which was the opposite reaction that I had expected.

I'm wondering if I should tell him I'm sorry for that...

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It was only towards the end did I become like that. It was my first reaction, he seemed unhappy, so I would try harder to make him happy. It seemed to make scence, but maybe you're right, it drove him away.

Well...maybe you are right, that I wasn't good enough...

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He used to tell me, that I was his one and only, and that he never wanted anyone else but me. But now, he's been with someone pretty much since we've broken up. I wish he had never said those things, because I believed them. When I accused him of just telling me lies after we broke up, he told me that he never lied when he told me those things, at that time he had meant them.

 

Over the last couple days, I've just figured I wasn't good enough for him. I didn't know what he wanted from me, and I tried everything to make him happy, but everything I did just had seemed to make him angrier.

 

yeah, me too. {{{{hugs}}}} My ex said he meant them at the time he said them..wish he would of told me "never" and "always" just meant for the moment, not forever.

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this post hit closer to home than it should have!

 

i see your point and i think i am guilty of this. since we have broken up, i have taken the first steps to become a woman that i want to be, a woman that i am proud of. a woman like the one he first met and fell in love with! i see that i did this. i'm so ashamed. i'm resentful that he didn't appreciate what i did for him. i did make him my life. i thought i had nothing once we broke up. the question is, can this imbalance ever be undone? do people ever find themselves and try again where it can work? is there too much that has happened by the point this is the reason two people break up?

 

i feel like he left the door open a little when we ended. i'm wondering if it is because he feels indebted to me, or if we could have something if i find myself again and don't give that up for him. is this line of thinking just dangerous?

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Hi,

Just to let you know that I did the same thing. Its a natural reaction to people we love to try our best to make them happy. So please don't think its wrong. Its only cause we care so much. It hurts us to see them indifferent or upset + deep inside we have that fear that they are slipping away. So the natural reaction would be for us to try to hold tighter...

For me "holding tighter" meant ordering him a little present from ebay that I knew would make him smile a lot. It arrived 3 days after he broke up with me. Still here in my closet...I coulnd't give it to him after cause I knew it would only make him feel guilty more than he already does. So I just left it, and it hurts so much to know I'll never see that smile that he would have had, had I given this present to him..

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when i think about how much money and time i wasted trying to show him how thoughtful i was, it makes me ill. i feel like a complete fool. any time i see him, i know i probably bought or picked out 95-100% of what he is wearing on any given day. i also sent him a lot of just because things. things ended between us the day after my birthday, when he did nothing for it.... and when i asked why he didn't send a card, he said it was too much effort to go buy a stamp.

 

i guess i'm not worth the price of a postage stamp.

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Yes, you were not good enough in the opinion of the person who broke-up. This is why the break-up happened. But the important thing to remember is it is just one person's opinion. You will be good enough the way you are for someone else.

Having said that, it is his opinion that matters to you most right now since you are still not over him(Once you are, you won't care what he thinks of you). thereforee, you cannot change the way you feel. What you are dealing with here is rejection. Use this to work on yourself.

Rejection can be a very powerful motivator for self-improvement. How? We have no incentive to change if people accept us the way they are. Them not finding us "good enough" gives us the drive to improve ourselves enough to show them that they made a mistake.

By the time you have healed, you will find yourself a better person. That itself is the best part about being rejected - it is good for us in the long run.

Best of luck to you. You will get through this. Cheers.

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Well first off, big hugs for the pain you are going through. Please don't ever think for one second that you aren't good enough. You are a wonderful unique human being, and someday you will find someone that appreciates you for being just who you are. Take the time to grieve this relationship, and then focus on how you can make yourself the best person you can be. Do what makes YOU happy! I know it is hard to believe right now but things will eventually get better, and you will find someone that you can completely be yourself around and that will love you for that 100%.

I too have been a person who held tight when I felt the relationship ending, but you know what I know without any doubt that I gave that relationship my all and I have no regrets.

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Underneath anger, there is always either hurt or fear of being hurt. He has a void inside that cannot be filled by another person, but that is what he is trying to do. No matter what you did, it wouldn't have been enough and the same thing will follow for him eventually in the next relationship. Be kind to yourself.

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