why does he still want to contact me?

[Phoenix05]

We broke up in July, his choice, he said he had outgrown the relationship and wanted to stay friends.

 

Its a LDR so NC would be feasible, I am over the initial hurt and pain but I'm so confused as to why he still wants to speak with me and meet up now and again, he wanted the split so why he is still hanging on? He says if he doesnt speak with me after a couple of days he wants to hear my voice, I just dont understand why anyone would want to hang on to someone they dont want a relationship with.

[redhearts]

One possibility: as a back up. So if they don't meet anyone else they are still friends with you so some time after, they can call you up and ask to try things again.

[ut_longhorn]

The thing about being a dumper is that it hurts (maybe not as much as being the dumpee) too. By talking to you and seeing you, you in essense become an emotional crutch as he heals. I don't think the dumpers sometimes know that it really affects the dumpee in a negative way and confuses the dumpee. I would tell him that you would like for him not to contact you until you contact him in the future if you so decide. Tell him you need that for you to heal. He should be able to respect that.

[John Bendix]

The relationship is over but that does not mean he does not still feel a connection to you and is acting on it.

[redhearts]

I know some people are just a little nutsy and MUST be friends with one ex because "everyone" is doing it. Or the more logical sense is the history there between the two of you.

[Phoenix05]

Thanks for all the replies, it is confusing, whenever I ask him this question he gets very uncomfortable saying we are raking over old ground and he doesn't want me to corner him, so I don't get to know what he's thinking only that he wants to speak with me.

 

Then he says he wants to meet up and go away for a few days, its no wonder I'm baffled.

[John Bendix]

I know some people are just a little nutsy and MUST be friends with one ex because "everyone" is doing it. Or the more logical sense is the history there between the two of you.

 

Good point on the everyone is doing it, redhearts-

[redhearts]

Thanks for all the replies, it is confusing, whenever I ask him this question he gets very uncomfortable saying we are raking over old ground and he doesn't want me to corner him, so I don't get to know what he's thinking only that he wants to speak with me.

 

Then he says he wants to meet up and go away for a few days, its no wonder I'm baffled.

 

He isn't trying to be friends, he is trying to date you on some level. But the title of single he is allowed to mess with other women.

[Phoenix05]

He isn't trying to be friends, he is trying to date you on some level. But the title of single he is allowed to mess with other women.

 

Redhearts I think you do have a point, he hasn't shown any urge to go out meeting other women but maybe he wants to be able to follow the urge should it appear.

[Phoenix05]

Whilst I've been online I've had a text off him, its 11pm here and he sent me a text saying he has been out for a drink and he will ring me when he gets in.

 

I as the dumpee like the fact he wants to contact me even when he really doesnt need to, but God these are mixed messages.

[stillkicking]

Ex is contacting me too trough email or forwards of jokes. And i do not want to be his friend. I tried to play it cool by ansewering his calls or emails or sometimes going out for a drink. But this got me very hurt and confused , just to act as a friend.

Guess he´s still thinking of us even though he is dating again and so am i.

I promised myself to stop replying to his emails , so far so good! Now i have the power.