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I've undergone a change...good or bad?


DaXMan

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For a while now, I've been looking for my edge, my swagger, my moxie, my mojo. There's a chance I've finally found it...but I'm not quite sure this is it. My demeanor and persona has dramatically changed as of late, and I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

 

Up until recently, I was the typical "good/nice guy." I never got into arguments or fights - I never put myself in that situation. If something did come up, I'd try to peacefully diffuse it immediately because I wasn't a very confrontational person. More signifigantly, I really compressed my anger. I didn't let my emotions get the best of me. My thinking...if I keep my emotions in check, I will be calm, cool and collected. Unfortunately, I noticed something else as well. I was becoming a pushover of sorts. If you need some help with your class notes (more than once)...go to DaXMan, he doesn't want to possibly burn a bridge by saying no. In my group of friends, if there's someone to playfully bust on routinely...let it be DaXMan, he won't fight back. If you need a favor...you may as well ask DaXMan; he never gets mad.

 

Then...all of a sudden...I completely changed. I don't know what caused it, but it does feels natural. Just a couple weeks ago, I was the very calm, easygoing person I mentioned above. Nowadays, I have developed a bit of a mean streak - my temper is a bit shorter than it used to be. There is a bit of anger inside me still going to treat everyone with the respect they're entitled to, but if someone tries to belittle me, disrespect me, or walk on me, they will be hearing from me about it.

 

I don't "flip out" on people, but I am not afraid to confront someone when they do something I don't feel is right. My thoughts here are concise and organized, and get the point accross. I also do this 1-on-1, I won't show anyone up in front of others, it's not right (unless someone is trying to mess with a date or a friend of mine). A couple recent examples from my classes to convey this new view:

 

-Two people had repeadly been asking me for help with the notes (they oversleep or "assume" I'll help them out). One of them didn't even bring a notebook to class! I confronted both people and told them what they were doing wasn't right; always depending on me to bail them out due to their laziness is a mistake in their judgement. The next class, they were on time and well-prepared. I got a sincere apology from one, who understood where I was coming from. The other - an attractive girl who used her looks to try and "use" me for notes and such, got the hint and hasn't even tried asking since.

-In another class, I am working in a small group for a project. One of my partners likes to joke around, which is perfectly fine - but she was a little off on the jokes one day. I heard her remarks as her saying she was "better" than me, and that I was bringing the group down. I stood up for myself after class, and she very quicky apologized, saying she was just joking (she probably was, but her voice sounded as if she was serious).

 

I'm in no way trying to pick arguments here, and I'm not looking for any unneeded battles with these people. However, I now feel taking a stand on something works better than simply letting something I don't like go. By doing this, I see who is "for real" and who was trying to play me. By acting rather sternly on an issue the first time it arises, I set the tone that I won't tolerate it happening again. I feel I finally have that, "I can take on anything" and that, "Nobody is going to get the better of me" attitude.

 

My question to you...is this me "gaining my edge and swagger," or is this just some natural defense mechanism after dealing with being too calm for too long? I'm all for joking around, having fun, and not being real serious about everything, but there are also times where just "being nice" and "letting things go" will not work. Overall, I feel that I'm now more all-around confident, more assertive, and more in-control that I was before. On the other hand, I am also a little more tempermental, less easy-going, less of "keeping my emotions in check", and less tolerant of other people's excuses or bs.

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I'm gonna go with GOOD. You "grew a pair" so to speak, don't let people walk all over you, period. In the long run, people will respect you more, when you let your voice be heard. Big ups to you.

Don't mistake this with being an ass#8$^, cuz many will throw that word out there, which is really them saying "boo hoo I can't get my way". Now if you do start turning into one, go ahead and check yourself, just realize the difference between the two.

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COngrads==you got your swagger together boo! You are tired of being the same ole pushover and I think it's awesome that you are standing up to the people that have used you in the past. I am in the same stage of my life because I always wanted to hold my closest friends bond but lately I have no been caring if they will be around or not!

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Thanks for the feedback. I do realize some people will think I'm a pr!ck (how is that a bad word?), but as nikesnlevis said, it's possibly because they can't get their way. I used to shy away from conflict like this, but now I welcome it, as I can hold my own.

 

I also believe my new "swagger" will separate who really is a friend/strong acquaintance to me and who could care less about me. I'm not going to try and please everybody like I used to, so when push comes to shove, actions will speak louder than words - those who stick around is who I'll care about.

 

One new thing I've been doing is giving recognition to those who help me out and to those who keep their promises while "teeing off" on those who flake or show some other sort of disrespect like breaking a promise. Again, I don't yell or scream or pout, but I get the point accross sternly. If I crack down on it the first time, it reduces the chance of it happening again.

 

Good to hear about your new swagger too KAT MOMMY.

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