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Contact didnt go all that well


thedude27

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Well, we did have each other laughing out as$es off and had a great time talking to each other but she was happy with her decision to be with the other guy and not interested in reconciling with me (I didnt ask but she was happy with her situation).

 

Honestly I know it was probably too soon (about 2 months) but I just didnt stop the conversation from going into catching up which was past what I thought it was going to be.

 

I can tell you if I didnt break contact with her and let go of a lot of my feelings I would be crying my eyes out right now(like I did the first 2-3 weeks). I was really hoping for another result. I am a little empty and pretty sad but hey, life goes on and I am fine without her. Thats an 8 year relationship with someone who was my true love. I know Ill be sad about this in the future on occasion but NC and working on me helped a lot.

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Did you bring up reconciliation with her when you met? In any case, 2 months out of an 8 year isn't much time at all. I'd be surprised if it didn't take you at least a year, minimum, to completely get over this. It's not like you were just casually dating someone.

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Here is what I would do. Tell her you are happy for her. That her happiness means the world to you (even if you are lying through your teeth). Then tell her that you are glad she's in the perfect relationship (trust me, it isn't perfect). Then give her your card and tell her that you wish her the best and if she ever changes her mind to give you a call and then cut her off. No contact.

 

This will make her start to question whether or not her relationship is perfect and then she'll start comparing the two of you.

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If a guy ever gave me his "card" and told me if I ever changed my mind to call him, I would show my current bf the card and a little card burning ceremony. How rude! You are telling her "I don't believe you are capable of making good choices, so when it all blows up in your face, Big Daddy will be there to pick up the pieces." Most women would view that as an insult, at least the intelligent ones will.

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Yea man hey after 8 years it takes an awful lot. I know you reached out and did what you had to do. I know it sucks at first especially because they are with someone new but just continue to go NC and work on yourself and you'll be better in no time. At least you can feel good about yourself knowing you put it all out on the table.

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A 2 month relationship requires no work...it's easy. The real test is when the honeymoon phase ends. We shall see. And...even if the relationship isn't going that well she won't ever let you know that. No prideful person would. She's not going to come out and cry and tell you she made a big mistake at this point.

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I did not bring up reconciliation. The closest I got was saying that I'm not happier with the situation now. I guess I was supposed to be happy about being free. Its clear to me that she dosent understand her role in why I did not commit to her. She said "I had my chance" and I told her it wasnt all me and she had a lot to do with that. The subject quickly changed and I didnt want to make this unpleasant for us and get into a fight or anything about it.

 

I'm not really going to "get over it" so much as go on with my life. I dont really see getting over her. While I'd like her to come back and the consensus is that this isnt going to work out in the end, she is a very determined person and she will do everything in her power to make this work. She is very introverted and probably would not get a lot of chance to date if this situation doesnt work out(even tho she is very beautiful), she is very aware of that. I could see this taking a while. I'm not going to pine away for that kind of timeframe.

 

There were a few times we were having a good time then it got weird for a minute and I could tell she missed me. I know she loves me, I know she cares, I know she wanted to be with me(not enough to allow herself to get hurt) but unfortunately we just came up a little short.

 

She has my number... and she is not going to see me in order for me to give her anything.

 

The subject of their R came up and I took the higher road. I said that you dont want my opinion about it so lets not talk about it. I know she would be offended about what I think.

 

I'm confused about how to treat her. I like being friends but I know that is not to my advantage. I guess I dont want to support her(because I believe that she will not end up better with this R), but I'm not sure what practically I do or dont do.

 

What qualifies as support? Just talking to her? or talking about her relationship or exactly what?

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A 2 month relationship requires no work...it's easy. The real test is when the honeymoon phase ends. We shall see. And...even if the relationship isn't going that well she won't ever let you know that. No prideful person would. She's not going to come out and cry and tell you she made a big mistake at this point.

 

She is pridefull that is for sure. One thing that bothered me is that it seemed like she didnt even consider me or like it didnt even cross her mind to come back.

 

I know that this is probably going to fail, its not hopefull thinking its just logic. I think it may take a long time tho. Like I said she is desperate to make it work. I'm still pulling for the BF to put an end to it, but A) he is fresh out of a divorce (well actually still techincally married) and b) she is very beautiful and sex is something that will make most ppl look past a lot of problems.

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If a guy ever gave me his "card" and told me if I ever changed my mind to call him, I would show my current bf the card and a little card burning ceremony. How rude! You are telling her "I don't believe you are capable of making good choices, so when it all blows up in your face, Big Daddy will be there to pick up the pieces." Most women would view that as an insult, at least the intelligent ones will.

 

Ok, then don't give her the card and change the words from call me if anything changes to wish you all the happiness in the world and then cut her off. Same result.

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