Confused; ?

[hiimDee]

Soo, I'm dee & I'm new to this but I have no where else to turn.

 

I have been with this really great guy Shawn for over 8 months now. I've known him for about 2 years & we've been a long distance relationship since. We spent everyday together, We talked all day either on the phone or the internet, & we slept on the phone at night. He was my love & my bestfriend. I went to him about absoloutly anything without feeling any doubt what so ever.

 

About 6 months into our relationship we started to have problems. We argued everyday, I couldn't keep him happy. He was always picking up my messes & babying me when I messed up. I lied to him constantly & he ate it up. He never held anything against me. Until one day a few days after our anniversary he told me he couldn't do it anymore he could no longer be my boyfriend.

 

We stopped talking for about a month & when he came back I just felt all these feeling rush back. That month apart gave me such another outlook on life. I focused on changing & getting my life back together more than anything. I really wanted to do this for myself & most of all him. He means so much to me.

 

A few days ago we started to talk again. & I couldn't help it. I just kindof let go & suffocated him in my feelings & emotions. He tells me over & over again he wants to focus on HIS life right now (school & stuff) that he doesn't have time for a girlfriend but if i want to be friends then thats fine.

 

I lost it & started crying on the phone to him I told him how much I missed being with him & i'd do anything for another chance & he told me- "i wish you would stop & be happy with being friends because all youre doing is making me miss you more." I was really surprised to hear that. He also told me " I didn't break up with you because I don't love you, I did it because i need time to my self right now". All these things that he says gives me hope for another chance. But then he'll go & say .. I don't want to be with you, I don't want to be in a long distance relationship. He tells me to date other guys ALL the time. but then the next day he'll get really jealous & tell me that he couldnt' deal with me dating another guy.

 

I explained to him that the only reason why i pressure him back into this relationship is because i'm scared that if i give him too much space that he'll move on; that i'll lose him. & he tells me "You're not going to loose me, dee... I promise." A few days ago my friend Ken, who i've known for a while from school sent me a picture of *something* & I told shawn about it, not to get him jealous but as friends. We've always been open like this I tell him everything because i feel like he should know & hes okay with it, most of the time. lol. Shawn got really mad at me, he hung up on me & told me that he wasn't mad, I can read him like a book though. I can tell exactly what hes feeling or doing at any second. He told me "I'm not mad; I'm just hurt" I asked him to explain to me why he was hurt, he said "I'm just not ready to let go yet". I comforted him & we started to joke around shawn said ; "I hate men, I wish I could just lock you up until I'M READY."

 

I really want to work things out with him & be a part of his life & daily needs. I know he still has feelings for me & I know he's still in love with me, I also know that he needs time but I don't know if he's just playing games with me.

 

I really just want your guys's input on this whole thing.

Should I let go?

Should I keep trying?

 

I try to talk to him about things & he gets really mad & distant & changes the subject or tries to hang up on me.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm a little confused, Have you met in person?

[hiimDee]

nope we were planning to meet a few weeks ago.

he lives in california he goes to a private school. He bascially lives on his own & he supports him self so he can't really save up for money to come here & i guess i put alot of stress on him with that