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How do I get rid of a desperate/annoying "friend"?


RogueTomato

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Hi everyone!

 

I'm a year-long lurker in dire need of some advice pertaining to an acquaintance of mine. Every real live human being I have asked has not been able to provide a solution to my problem, so this forum post is a last-resort of sorts.

 

The dilemma:

I'm a college student who has mistakenly befriended one of the most annoying people in the universe. There is an overwhelming plethora of traits and habits that make this person intolerable to be around. The problem is, I can not get rid of them. You see, we are in the same class together - a class that meets for 3 hours twice a week, and is followed directly by a 2 and a half hour lunch/break period. This person follows me to break after every class meeting and hangs out with my friend (who is equally, if not more, frustrated by this person than I) and I for the entire 2 and a half hours. Also, we share a class on Friday, and the person will follow me all the way to my car after class, and try to guilt trip me into hanging out.

 

I really don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt this person's feelings, and I don't want to make enemies. If I didn't have class with them then it would be easy to make up some excuse, but there's no way to get away since they follow me EVERYWHERE!

 

To make matters worse, it is highly likely I will have to see this person in another class next semester since we have the same major. I don't want to deal with enemies in my already stressful classes.

 

My friend and I have dropped a lot of hints about being annoyed with the person's constant ranting, clinginess, and desperation, but they don't seem to get it. I don't know how much more I can take of this person and I'm afraid I will go off on them. I really don't want to hurt anyone, but this person is making me depressed!

 

So, how do get some peace without ending up in jail?

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Well there is really no nice way to say "hey I think you're annoying as hell, leave me alone." What I would do is ignore the crap out of them. I know it's wrong, but maybe that would be the best way for them to pick up on the hint. That's really the only thing I can think of with out you actually having a talk and telling them how you feel about their annoying behavior.

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Unless you can tough it out for the rest of the semester, i predict it will be ugly.

I suggest to try and deal with it until the semester is over, and if he is really that much of a problem for you, try your best to not register for the same class as him next semester.

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What exactly is this person doing to annoy you and your friend?

 

 

*INCESSANT talking, will fill any amount of silence with talking/ranting and complaining about everything

*Is overly-desperate to hang out with us, to the point of guilt-tripping us

*If they know we're attending a campus event, they will show up there

*Is generally loud and obnoxious

*Will lift shirt and flap fat around with hands while complaining about being overweight (in public!)

*Picks at face during ENTIRE 1 hour lecture and flicks dead skin towards me/wipes it on chair

*Talks during tests (loudly!)

*Did I mention I have never met a single person who talks/complains as much as this person does!

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That is pretty nasty. I have seen some disgusting people in my classes a while ago, but didnt have to talk to them.

 

 

Since they are in your major, try not to burn too many bridges. You may end up seeing them again or having to collaborate with them in the future... even see them in the working world.

 

 

I dont usually have the same problem as you because I am very quiet normally and particularly if I dont like someone I will not be talking with them much.

 

 

When they are complaining non stop, I would tell them that you are not interested in their personal business and dont want to hear about it.

 

You can be slightly late to class on purpose and that way you can sit away from them during class. If you sit away from them consistently, hopefully they will catch on.

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"You know, I'm kind of tired right now. Rather than going to lunch, I think I'll just head home." or "I've managed to let myself get behind on some of my studies. I'd better just head off somewhere (non-specific) and study."

 

"Hey, man, I get kind of nervous during about these tests and have a hard time concentrating when people are talking. I don't want to be a drag or anything, but it's important that I get a good grade on this thing."

 

I wonder what would happen if you tried to "always look on the bright side," whenever he complains. I honestly don't know, but it is possible that he'll start to feel like you aren't really sympathizing with his problems and will leave or that he'll find that he'll tone down the complaining (whether because he can't stand your incessant sunny-sidedness or because he starts to realize you have a point).

 

If it were me, I'd be pretty willing to say, "dude, if you're so upset about your weight, why are you flashing the public," and "what the? seriously, don't flick your skin at me. What are you thinking?"

 

In addition, you could do a little work on your part, in learning not to be so irritated by this person. His social skills are very poor, but no one is without any gifts. thereforee, learn to look for that as well. If you can go half-way, then you should feel more comfortable being more candid with him. If you can show him respect vis a vis his gifts, then whatever criticism or advice you might offer will show up against that background.

 

Are you in dorms or are you a commuter?

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*INCESSANT talking, will fill any amount of silence with talking/ranting and complaining about everything

*Is overly-desperate to hang out with us, to the point of guilt-tripping us

*If they know we're attending a campus event, they will show up there

*Is generally loud and obnoxious

*Will lift shirt and flap fat around with hands while complaining about being overweight (in public!)

*Picks at face during ENTIRE 1 hour lecture and flicks dead skin towards me/wipes it on chair

*Talks during tests (loudly!)

*Did I mention I have never met a single person who talks/complains as much as this person does!

 

Maybe he is lonely and needs someone to hang out with?

 

Why not tell him openly (but not in an offensive way) that his actions bother you? Or even point out to him what he is doing which is annoying to you and your friend? Other than that, maybe lessen contact with him and sit away from him in classes. In that sense, he might cotton on and leave you alone.

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I dont usually have the same problem as you because I am very quiet normally and particularly if I dont like someone I will not be talking with them much.

 

 

When they are complaining non stop, I would tell them that you are not interested in their personal business and dont want to hear about it.

 

You can be slightly late to class on purpose and that way you can sit away from them during class. If you sit away from them consistently, hopefully they will catch on.

 

Yeah, I'm a quiet person too. I just made the mistake of bringing someone into my social group before getting to know them.

 

I'm probably going to try telling them I'm not interested in their business, but my friend has done that on a few occasions and it doesn't seem to work.

 

I'm pretty sure not sitting next to this person in the class would do the trick of turning us into enemies, since I've been sitting next to them since the second week of school. I may have to resort to this though.

 

Why can't you just tell them when they do something wrong?

 

Because I'm passive and extremely non-confrontational, but this experience is teaching me that I need to grow a backbone. And soon.

 

"You know, I'm kind of tired right now. Rather than going to lunch, I think I'll just head home." or "I've managed to let myself get behind on some of my studies. I'd better just head off somewhere (non-specific) and study."

 

I would love to use that line, but the problem is I have a class after my lunch break and I don't live on campus (or close to it), and this person knows.

 

Yeah, the reason I haven't completely gone off on this person is because I realize I have traits that can annoy people as well. I can tolerate it to a certain degree, but having to deal with 11 hours worth of it a week is exhausting. If they would just leave me alone for my lunch periods so I could spend time with my friends that I get to see for not even half that amount of time, then I wouldn't have this dilemma. I am being mentally exhausted by this person.

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Hi... Set some boundaries. I learned this the hard way. I used to let my (now X) boyfriend call me a B---- because I didn't want to loose him. Finally I learned how to set boundaries and when he'd call me a B---- I told him that that was no longer allowed and he could leave (or I would leave depending on the situation) until he could talk more decent to me. He claimed that I was 'trying to change him' and I assured him that I wasn't and that he could be an ass for the rest of his life if he wanted to and he could call anyone a B---- that he wanted to... except me. It took a while for him to get the message and he even doubled up on calling me the name as if to make a point, but each time he did it I asked him to leave. It finally got to where he stopped using that name on me.

 

And you could do the same with your annoying friend. Say they flick skin on you or talk during a test.. tell them that this is no longer allowed and you will move the next time it's done. And just move, if they do it. If they are constantly negative tell them that you are trying to be more positive in your life and being around constant negativity is no longer excepted and you will hang with them at a more positive time. Slowly but surely this person will either not like hanging with you because they can't play their game with you, or they will learn how to treat you with respect and will become more enjoyable to be around. You are only treated the way you allow people to treat you and letting them know your boundaries will not create enemies, but instead, will gain respect.... or perhaps, they will just choose to leave if respect is not in their vocabulary. Good luck.

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