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When is a problem too much in a relationship?


RealBrookeI

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Just wondering how you can tell the difference between when you are in a relationship with normal problems and challenges that the two of you can solve and overcome together and when you are in a relationship in which the problem is that the two of you shouldnt be together?

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Each relationship is different. In some relationship masturbation is a big problem, nd in others its not. You have to assess what you want in a partner and if the person your involved with has those characteristics or ideas. There are less problem the more you agree on things. It all depends, the question is really subjective.

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That's a really good question. I don't normally say this on threads, but I think a couple who continually breaks up and gets back together is probably not meant for the long haul.

 

Another one I use -- if the first year your together is fraught with strife, arguing and threats of breaking up - probably not meant to be.

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Yes, what makes someone want to get involved with someone when there is much work to do

 

Because I would never stay in a relationship that needed major work. I have an eye on getting married, and marriage is hard work as well, so why would I pick a relationshp that is already hard? I wouldn't.

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Because I would never stay in a relationship that needed major work. I have an eye on getting married, and marriage is hard work as well, so why would I pick a relationshp that is already hard? I wouldn't.

 

However, I am a strong believer that if you were to get through all that tough stuff, the relationship would be golden.

 

You've already been through so much. Rocking the boat gives you the ability to predict the waves and adapt to them.

 

However, I do agree, that if you are frustrated by how hard it seems just to be in a relationship with one person, then there is probably a problem. Relationships should have problems, however, the work shouldn't seem much like work because the ends meet the means.

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I have been through many relationships in which we had to go through "tough times" together. Trust me, there is no magical glue for your relationship because of the tough times.

 

We might have to disagree on this one Debaser -- I am staying with the man who not only lights my fire but can contain the flames.

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I think alot can be said in how couples resolve the problems.

 

If there were issuse in my relationships that could never be resolved, we didn't communicate well, there was constant problems that kept coming up over and over..I think its time to get a hint that its just not working.

 

Luckily it hasn't been that way. There has never been a problem that was 'too much' that forced us to consider ending the relationship. We've worked through our fair share maturely, openly and as a team. When you cannot do that anymore, I think thats a big problem.

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In every relationship, if you are together long enough, at least one major conflict will come up between the two of you.

(If you're like most people, it will be a LOT more than one) -

It does not mean you're wrong for each other- The point is compromise.

I think it's not worth it if a person is unwilling to compromise- Otherwise, your relationship will not survive the inevitable obstacles.

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Certain things are "dealbreakers" and when each person feels the need to play a "dealbreaker" card at the same time the relationship ends.

 

It's important to communicate your cards clearly and calmly. If it doesn't cost you too much then allow the other person's card to trump yours. The trick is to count the cost in a loving way.

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do you love him? DO you honest to god...deep down Love this man? Picture your life with out him? Do you want to live it without him? Does it hurt or make you sick picturing that life without him? If it does then its worth working it out. I have known a couple who has been married for 20 years. the first 8 were great. The next 5 they hated eachother. Couldn't hardly look at eachother let alone look at eachother. She prayed about it. for 5 years. And God restored there love. Now after 7 years they are blissful. It doesn't matter whether you are married or not. It's a relationship. If you love them, then I believe just about everything can be worked out, but you have to want to. I tell my boyfriend of 2 years. """If I wake up one day and I stop argueing with you, if my feeling are no longer hurt, if I just don't give a * * * * .....BE WORRIED because i don't care anymore." If your at that point, it may not be the best sign, but it doesn't mean its over, it means that something needs to change.

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STPilates, great points

 

I asked my Mom almost this same question the other day. Her and my Dad have been married 51 yrs and they went through horrible times. I'm actually surprised they stayed together so long.

My Mom will bad mouth my Dad, and my Dad will bad mouth my Mom. They have always had horrible fights and times where they totally HATED one another.

 

Now, there are also times, they still make out in the kitchen (they are 75 yrs old), hold hands, go to the movies and kiss and hold hands, take nice vacations, etc. I was with them yesterday and they held hands the whole time.

 

Everything in life is work, but as humans, we just hate to be uncomfortable. A relationship that takes a lot of work, well that's pretty uncomfortable.

 

Now having said this, if you truly do not love the person anymore, or they are very abusive in some way, or if they are just not interested in working on it or acknowledgeing their issues, then yes, you need to walk away.

 

But yet again, I have a friend who's been with her boyfriend for 17 yrs and they broke up MANY times, she cheated, he was a drunk with no job. They would come close to fist fights. They would kick one another in bed and hated each other with a passion.

 

Well they are still together and all the BS stopped about 10 yrs ago when she was told she had 3 months to live. I'll tell ya, that illness made them closer than anything. They saw what was really important and that was each other.

 

I think as a society today we just feel that r/s are as throw away as diapers.

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5 Fundamentals For Troubleshooting ...
5 Fundamentals For Troubleshooting Your Relationship

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