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The NEW and IMPROVED...It's not you..it's me!!


Goddess4ever

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I feel like I fell into the 2008, new and improved 'it's not you it's me' "reason" for breaking up with someone.

 

My situation is rather unorthadox, and maybe at some point in the next few days I will be able to actually put it into words, but for right now...I do have 2 questions for everyone...and I hope everyone can give me some insight here.

 

So essentially I got dumped. The reason I got dumped? He didn't actually say 'It's not you it's me'...I got.. that I was too good for him. I was told that he loves me very much, but that he is not a good person, and that I am so amazing that I don't deserve to be treated the way he is going to end up treating me. He thought things could be different (the reason for starting the RL in the first place), but he realizes he can't change...and that he is just verbally cruel to people and is just an angry person, and that he wants to save me from that...essentially. He wants me to be happy...and that I am better off without him.

 

Is this even possible? I can't seem to wrap my brain around it at all. I don't know if it is some line, or if this is actually the way he feels. Do people actually love someone or something enough to let them go? Can someone love another enough to watch them walk away and be content that you saved them from yourself? Does this really happen, or is this just some convoluted line that means nothing?

 

The second thing is...I am having a hard time deciphering the meaning behind this. Essentailly we were on a trip together..and the gift that I got him for his birthday 2 months ago, ended up in my suitcase. I just thought it was really really rotten...that I am told that he loves me a great deal..and wants to 'stay in touch' if I can...and that he is going to miss me so much ..that he returns the gift I got him (obviously unknown to me until I got home and unpacked) that I spend quite a bit of money on, and one that took me forever to find and choose and agonize over if he was going to like it or not. To me ..it was like the icing on the cake. It was like he had to remind me that we weren't together anymore and that he was removing everything that reminded him of me.

 

What do you guys think? If anyone could help with some insight...it would be really appreciated...these 2 things I feel are hindering me from dealing with this effectively.

 

Thanks everyone

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That's a puzzler... In my past relationship the "you're too good for me" came up a couple of times, but not for the break up. It would come up in fights, essentially when that person was cornered and apologized, but the other person was not satisfied. "You're too good for me" was used in a slight, "if you can't stand me then just break up with me" tone.

 

Now, I don't know how your breakup went, but I suspect it wasn't like this. You're probably right in thinking that it was just a nice way of breaking up with someone (aka it's not you, it's me).

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it's a line. just like the other ones. don't put too much thought into it. it's the same end result...'i'm just no longer interested in you'....don't worry about why, because that's in his head...just move on and put this in the book of 'break up' phrases!

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yup its a line, hes trying his hardest to break up with out making you feel bad, truth is hes messing your head around to much, although non intentional on his part.

 

what ever the case id count it as over and try to move on, sorry i prob gave a horrible answer to your to your question but i think its the truth.

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Perhaps you awaken feelings in him that made him realize that he needs to change into a better human being but until he does he doesnt want to be in a relationship with someone and hurt them.

 

How old is he?

 

However, no matter what his reasons you must take them at face value (its a break up) and move on

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He is 36. I suppose I don't understand what can be garnered from making up a line, rather than saying...whatever it is, IS the reason. Whether it be "I don't love you anymore", or "You make me want to vomit", "I don't see this working out"...or whatever, I don't see the point in lying about it. I can't see him anymore, I can't really contact him, so why lie about it or use a line? I guess that's the part I am trying to rationalize.

 

Of course the end result is that he doesn't want me...for whatever reason. I just need to know how much damage control I need to be doing. The reason can affect that.

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It could be a line. Or it could be the truth. I have a very close friend who refused to put me in the girlfriend role because he told me that always hurts the people closest to him. And believe me, he has hurt his current girlfriend over and over again. It's amazing to watch.

 

He is ill and he's working on it, but he knows he can be mean and hurtful. He's taking medication and going to meetings. And he is getting better everyday.

 

He did me a favor by telling me he would never make me his girlfriend.

 

So really if it's a line or if it's the truth, the guy is doing you a favor. You may not realize it now, but you will one day.

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My ex bf was like that... verbally and mentally abusive.

 

After 3 years, I wrote him a few months back and apologized TO him for the things I did post-breakup. I might have been a saint while we were together but after... euwww...

 

I asked him when we split up to promise me that he'd never do what he did to me to another woman... then posted ALL of the mess everywhere, in detail, gory gory detail... complete with his name. (which is why I apologized to him and removed everything I could find - I'm so ashamed that rage pushed me to that point!)

 

Anyway, if he did not get help for his unbridled anger, his sexually compulsive urges, and what-not, I'd hope he think about what I (!!) did to him at the end, and think twice before ripping some other poor woman apart.

 

That said, it does sound like the same like of s@@@ to not hurt you. My most recent ex gave me the "hit upside the head when I realized how I'd been treating you..." buh bye speech (oh and I got the "loved every minute I spent with you" as well as "you will find and deserve so much better" as well - he forgot to mention he reactivated his dating profile the day after - )

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I have heard this before. It's an indirect way of saying that he doesn't like who he becomes when he is with you. Though he may care, it is less about his caring about how you feel about it. He is putting a spin on the truth, which is not entirely false. He feels the relationship turns him into an unpleasant person and he imagines a future of feeling that way forever with you. Which would be true if he doesn't grow up.

 

The flaw in this reasoning, is that it assumes there is absolutely nothing he can do about it, which is not true. He is basically not willing to take responsibility for himself and how he ends up acting out his feelings. There's not much you can do about that, except propose to be willing to get into counseling. But, people who are in this frame of mind are typically afraid of doing that.

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20 Walk Away Quotes: For when the T...
20 Walk Away Quotes: For when the Time Has Come to Finally Leave

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