Please help me out here!

[Chilla_freak]

I am so heartbroken!! I just broke up with my live-in boyfriend just after a month of co-habitation. We started off as really good friends (w/benefits) then decided to try a relationship. We fell in love, and it was okay for awhile, but after we moved in together we found that we were complete opposites and couldn't get along. We ended things pretty well, saying that we still loved each other very much, but it just wasn't going to work. So long story short, he wants to still remain very good friends. I still want him in my life, but will it be too hard for me to be around him? Right now I'm just so hurt, as he is, and confused because we're used to being with each other. I feel like one of my arms was just cut off or something! We are terrible for each other in a relationship--we constantly fight...so why do I miss him so much!? Please help!

[Tinkerbell]

Although you guys weren't compatible it's normal for you to be feeling so down right now. You were/are in love, after all. Being friends is going to be rather difficult, and most likely nothing but pain in the beginning. That's why I suggest you guys should stop seeing each other altogether for awhile, until you're completely over each other. Then you can start building a friendship once again.

[Chilla_freak]

Thanks for the advice Cherry. Being his friend is really tough. We are still fighting over finances....stuff we incurred while living together. I think no-contact for just a bit might benefit us both. But I still miss him sometimes...and don't want him to find someone else, because it would hurt too much.

[sbojo32]

I can completely relate. my live-in bf just broke up with me today. I don't know how I can live with him, but at the same time know that being apart is what he wants and what is probably best. I understand.

[avman]

Hello chilla_freak,

 

I think you have already thought the situation through pretty well. Its REALLY difficult to be friends with your ex until you are over them in your heart.

 

Its ok to love someone, yet know that you just can't be in a relationship with them. You'll have to just admit that to yourself, instead of denying it. It happens. You said yourself that you were just terrible together in a relationship. I think its very mature that you both realized that and could end it on a friendly basis instead of just hating each other.

 

Maybe just a short time of no contact might help you both get on some solid footing. Maybe just a month or two. It sounds like both of you have open lines of communication so talk about how much contact you are comfortable with once you've both cooled down. Eventually it will get easier and perhaps you can salvage a good friendship out of all this.

 

I do wish you both the best of luck!

 

avman

[Chilla_freak]

Thanks for all the advice. I think it's going to take a LONG time for us to be friends again. We still fight as friends. He still expects me to take care of him....financially too. I don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't want to be fair...and doesn't respect the fact that I have to put myself first. I think that this man taught me that I'm basically stronger than I thought I was. He wanted me to remain a wounded little girl...didn't want me going to therapy. But I still went anyway, and now I've got self-esteem, self-respect...and I feel pretty durn good about myself!