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Am I making too big a deal out of this?


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It's been quite the emotional roller coaster this last couple of weeks, so I'm looking for an outside perspective on an issue.

 

My wife and I have been married for almost 12 years now. The last of which we have spent living in separate residences in a sort of trial separation. We gave each other a year to rediscover ourselves, and then see if we wanted to give it another try, or just call it quits and move on. We agreed to not date, sleep around, or be involved with anyone else romantically during that year, (her rule) so that we could really focus on ourselves.

 

It's about a month shy of that year, and three weeks ago, we decided we wanted to try dating again.. still living apart, but trying to start over as girlfriend and boyfriend.

 

The issue is this, we had a birthday party for my daughter, and she invited some of her new male friends over, because they have children that my daughter gets along with. The entire time at the party, she completely left me in the dust. Introducing me to them not as her husband, but as my daughter's father. As soon as they arrived, I was left to greet parents, keep the kids from tearing the place apart, and cutting the cake, while she spent the entire time hanging out with her friends. Sitting on the arms of their chairs with her arm around them, laughing it up.

 

Now, I'm not the type of guy who would restrict her from hanging with her friends. Guys or girls, but in the past she had verbally ripped me apart for this same activity, while continuing to do it herself. The single sided nature of her feeling this behavior is what was a big point of our breaking up in the first place.

 

I confronted her about it, asking her to put herself in my shoes. She said she understood, apologized, and things were ok for the remainder of the party. She asked if I wanted to go hang out with all of them at the bar, so I could meet her new friends. I agreed, and we all went to the bar, and got a table.

 

The entire time we were there, she said maybe two words to me, as she was flitting around the room talking to other men there. At one point, she asked me to hold her purse so she could go say hi to someone she hasn't seen in a while.

 

45 minutes later, she comes back laughing about how this guy had talked her into a few drinks, and doing a number of shots with him. At the same time, I got a text message from a female friend of mine, and was then grilled over who it was, how I'd met them, what my relationship was with this person, etc..

 

What I'm wondering is this... am I being unreasonable with this type of behavior making me want to explode? How can I let her be happy being the social butterfly she craves to be, yet still feel like I'm not being completely disrespected?

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I agree here. She is disrespecting you as well. I mean she doesn't want you to date around, but she wants to somewhat flirt around. Uhh ya she doesn't really know what she wants. She is just dragging you around for a ride thinking no matter what she does she can still keep you.

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Which ultimately is what is really bothering me about this. ** The part about the double standard.. thought I'd hit 'quote' instead of just 'reply' **

 

That, and the fact that when we're just us together, or we're at a place she doesn't know anyone, we're hanging on each other like a couple of high school sweethearts. Which I love, but it makes it all the more lonely to suddenly have that disappear.

 

Thank you for the input. As I said, given how much of an emotional rollercoaster things have been lately, I wanted to get an outside opinion, to make sure I wasn't just flying off the handle for nothing.

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