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Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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I've posted here so many times about the same guy; same situation.


We'll call him Guy this time.


I broke up with Guy Aug 22. We didn't talk again till Aug 29. We talked for 4 hours and he said everything I've been waiting for him to say. We talked about what needed to happen, what needed to change.


Well, it's Oct 13 and I hate to say it but these changes have not happened.


He hasn't saved -any- money. I have.


We haven't gone on -any- dates. I've asked him multiple times when we're going to go out and do something. his only excuse is that his music career [studio Time] is taking all of his money. I understand that it is something he is passionate about and he really wants it to happen. But what about me? What about us?


He hasn't brought me home -anything-. And I don't mean buy me something but if you see something; anything that make him think of me I would expect you to get it or pick it up. For the first year that we were together I always brought home things that made me think of him. He has not done that once.


Recently he bought a carton of smokes and asked me to hide them around me room for him so he wouldn't smoke all of them. I made sure this was what he wanted and made sure that he wouldn't give me a hard time if I refused to give him a pack. One day I was out for 13 hours. I come home and I see that my room has been ransacked.


That was the last straw for me. He called me not too long after I got home asking me to make some tea because his producer was coming over with him. I told him I was not happy with him and told him I would talk to him about it later. He wanted to know now so I let him know. As soon as i told him I was unhappy with him ransacking my room he stated NOT NOW I'VE HAD A BAD DAY SAVE IT FOR LATER. But he wanted to know now.. So he was coming over with his producer in 15 min and I had to completely reassembly my room. I asked him why he didn't pick it up and he said he didn't have time so I told him that if he didn't have time he couldn't have ransacked my room.


He told me he found a pack of his smokes on the floor--then why did he ransack my room?! The next day I noticed a birthday present my best friend gave me 4 years ago was broken. I asked him why and he said that he had just reached in and grabbed the smokes--there was no way he could have broken it. Then I told him that he said he found them on my closet floor, why would you then tell me you reached in my bday present? I also told him that there was no way he could have SEEN it in there; I had hidden it under what was in my bday present.


His story doesn't fit.


Another thing that i'm still having an issue with is he'll do rude things but when I do it back to him-just to show him how it feels he gets on my case about how i'm being immature- * * * for tat stuff.


I'm just getting fed up--again. But he's in a situation right now where I feel if I break up with him--again he might not be able t handle it.


When we got back together he said


Do what you have to do.


In relation to him improving or not.


How should I handle this situation?

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I think he is not respecting you. You either have to stop seeing him and demand that he give you respect. Wait and see if he actually does anything to change his behavior or you have to leave him.


Guys can say anything. Look at what he's doing.

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Aside from the fact that he's acting like a total a**hole & disrespectng you, it seems like you guys aren't really meant to be.


I wouldn't bother putting too much time or effort into this relationship, because it's obviously only one-sided. He doesn't want to put in any effort to make it work. He seems like he's still a kid & needs some growing up to do. "Hide my cigarettes for me", "Make some tea right now", & he's calling you immature? Puhlease.


I wouldn't waste another single second on someone like that.

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Well, he's the one that says he can't live without me. He's the one that feels we're meant to be.


We've had sex once in the past 3 weeks. I told him maybe I just don't want it because he's not doing what he said he would do.


To me I see him as a guy that calls me and sleeps next to me once in a while.


I keep trying to bring these things up with him but he keeps saying


"Not Now."


And then he gets all whiny about it. I know he's not going to take it well.


I don;t know how I'm supposed to tell him it's not working out without makeing him feel horrible about it.


The worse thing is I have to be cruel and emotionless when doing it because I care about him so much. it's hard to break the heart of someone you care about. Especially when you've had your heart broken because because you know how it feels. I just don't want to inflict that pain on someone else.


I would like to leave his stuff in the hallway and leave him a note but that's so.... it just wont feel right. And face to face it's so hard. I don't want to do it over the phone.


When I try to break up with him at my house and we're together he lingers and argues with me about it. Take's about 4 hours for him to finally leave.


I'm thinking of saying..


I know you really care about me. And I really care about you. But that's it. I'm not in love with you and I don't want to waste your time. We both have a lot of growing up to do. We both have to get our lives straightened and figured out before we can even think about being in a serious relationship with someone else. They were good times but now it's lost it's flare. It's over.


Then he's argue and fight and ask why and say 'I can change! I CAN CHANGE!'.


Then I'll say 'I'v been waiting for 2 months for you to do what you need to do and you haven't. I'm tired of this. For the 4th time in the past 2 years we've had this conversation. For the 4th time in the past 2 years you've been saying the same things.'


I don't know what he would say in response to that but I will bring up that he said when we got back together related to him not changing "Do what you have to do."


Sadly it's come to this. This is what I have to do.


But when?


Should I wait till the 29th and make it 2 months since we've gotten back together? 2 months for him to even TRY making a change?


Granted--his only changes is that he's not nagging me about sex so much, he's not living here, and he;s giving me some space. But what about everything else? He's doing half of what's expected.


I feel like I'm firing him. LOL

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