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if you end up alone, will you ever be truly happy?


locolady

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So, we hear a lot about having to learn to be happy on your own but do you honestly think that you could be happy if love just never happens to you?

 

I know i'm feeling cynical and lonely post break-up but i'm terrified i will never find anyone in my life and love is the only thing that matters to me. Friends are hugely important but life with love is THE thing that makes it all worthwhile.

 

If i end up alone I just dont think i'll ever be truly happy. Any advice?

 

I feel a deep loneliness no matter how many people i am surrounded by, how good my friends are, since losing my best friend in my ex-boyfriend. (He has a new girlfriend and it was an awful split so we're unlikely to ever speak again which is killing me) and people say things like "the longer you feel sad the longer it will take to meet mr right" and i've watched friends lives take off when theyve found someone (just as mine did with him) what if that never happens to me again, will i ever shake off this awful sense of loss and that i'm missing out (because I know that I am - i remember being with him and how amazing it felt, and now the new girlfriend gets it all ;-(

 

Thoughts?

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Depends on the person. My mom is in her 60s and has been alone since she was in her mid 30s. She was married to my dad, they divorced, and she had a live in relationship for a few years. They broke up.

 

She said she just didnt see herself doing it again. She LOVES being alone. She is probably very atypical but she is very happy as is.

 

Just one story for ya. I am sure there are many others like it.

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I think so but that's just me. It's wonderful to have someone in your life but IMO if you NEED someone to be 100% happy, you're too dependent. I was this way before my divorce and was an absolute wreck when the relationship disintegrated. But since then I learned to be happy on my own. Do I love my girlfriend... without a doubt. Does she bring me happiness? Yes. BUT... if I didn't have her in my life would I still be happy? Yes.

 

I would try not to worry so much about finding someone and just concentrating on making your life as wonderful as you can.

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no one can ever be perfectly happy. in a relationship or not.

the times when you feel perfectly content are fleeting, life isnt about sticking to one point on a chart, its and endless flow no matter what happens, good or bad. single or taken.

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I think I could, yes. There are a lot of things that give me great pleasure and bring happiness and lots of joy to my life. A relationship can do that to an extent, but I don't think that is where happiness comes from for me. A relationship, to me, is just the icing on the cake.

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I am happy alone...but to be honest, there is most definitely a void in my life. I want to love and be loved but that has not happened for me and it likely never will. This has been my life for the last 45 years and sadly I don't think it will change. I am not a man magnet and nor do I fall very easily for anyone. I have been burned royally in the love department to the point where I have had no benefits from loving someone, only heartache and knives in the back, stalking, using, wanting to take from me but give absolutely nothing in return. Will I ever be truly happy alone...maybe not...but I know that I will never truly be happy with someone who can't love and can ony use.

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pixelpusher...how did you manage to find that happiness?

 

It just took a while through personal reflection, what I wanted out of life, why I felt I NEEDED someone to "make" me happy. I just started making my life what I wanted it to be and it felt great not to have to compromise at all. Sounds selfish, and it is but just think... you can do anything you want!

 

Don't get me wrong... I do love being in a relationship and I am more than happy to compromise. But everyone has to give up a little bit to make a relationship work. I no longer can spend my money on whatever I want... I can't go on cool 4-day long camping/biking trips, I can't just hop on teh motorcycle and go wherever I want.

 

And I think you will always have moments (as EQ said) where you won't be completely happy. Did I get lonely sometimes? Absolutely, I think everyone does. We are social creatures for sure. But I do think you can balance that by doing some really neat stuff.

 

So I think you just need to sit down and think about what you want to do that you've never been able to, and go do it!

 

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The weird thing is--in my own personal experience, the times in my life when I felt the biggest void from not having someone were the times that I had the fewest dates and fewest opportunities to be with someone. And the times when I felt complete and happy on my own were the times that I seemed to attract potential dates into my life.

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I'm very fortunate to be very close to my family/my siblings .. we do a tons of things together .. projects/plans/fun u name it .. so I rarely feel alone.. but sometimes I do .. and when I do . I notice that I attract less people than I usually do ..

 

so would you ever be happy if you were to live alone (no partner) maybe maybe not. but I'm sure of something .. you will end up alone if you're not happy with yourself

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Since happiness is a choice, you can choose to be happy even if you're alone. But is that the same as being enraptured in romantic bliss or being completely fullfilled? No. I can understand wanting that. And being alone sucks, but being with someone who is all wrong for you is worse than being alone any day of the week!

 

Plus, you're only 24. You've got lots of time to find someone great who can love you for you. Don't give up so easily!

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So, we hear a lot about having to learn to be happy on your own but do you honestly think that you could be happy if love just never happens to you?

 

No.

 

Simple as that. I agree with eastern philosophies that meaning of life is - write a book, plant a tree, have a son.

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No, I will never be truly happy if I am alone the rest of my life. I think you will find the people who say they could be, are people that either currently have partners, are very young, and/or are just coming out of a relationship and have not been single for very long. Just my opinion, take it or leave it. I am sure many will disagree with it.

 

I totally agree.

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No.

 

Simple as that. I agree with eastern philosophies that meaning of life is - write a book, plant a tree, have a son.

 

 

Yeah, it's definitely a personal thing...there is, of course, no right or wrong answer to this question. Different people are going to feel differently about it. I am confident that I can be happy alone. Some don't feel that way. Cool beans

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Yes, but as long as you find women to have relationships with for however long, you are actually not alone because you are going from one relationship to the next, always having some partner for periods of time. That is very very different from being alone, alone..not finding any partner to have a relationship with.

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Alone as in no relationship forever? Just shoot me now. I hope that when I turn 100, I am surrounded by my wife, my kids, grandkids, great grandkids and my lawyer. I have to experience love and no one can tell me otherwise. None of this happy with me and doing for me stuff. That doesn't work for me. Probably for others so it depends on the person.

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I'am 22 years old and have never had a girlfriend nor have never kissed a woman or been on a real date. Every woman I have asked out has either turned me down or was already in a relationship or wasn't interested in me in that way and kept me in there friends zone. I have got advice from every place I could possibly think of and yet nothing has worked regardless of what I say or do it just doesn't seem to work for the better. Its safe to say I will never be in a relationship, it hasn't happened and more than likely it won't happen in my future.

 

Will I ever be truly happy? Of course I will simply because I donno any diffirent. I haven't experienced what a relationship is all about. Unless I have(which I won't) I can be alone for the rest of my life and still be happy. We choose to be lonely and to be honest you can be more happy than someone who is surrounded by there family and wife and such. I have much to look forward to. At my business meetings I have always sat at the table by myself when dinner time came around while all my other co-workers and partners sat around with there families. I didn't care I believe in a good non irogant way I will be better than them someday and accomplish more than they ever will in there life time.

 

Not everybody gets to experience a relationship in my opinion will ever find that someone. Its like some people will indeed life and do great things in life that I guess will makeup for being in love where as those who might be in love might experience difficulties in some places in there lives where as you exceed greatly. Thats just life it was not meant for some people like myself.

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I can't profess to know the meaning of true happiness, yet I'm pretty sure that it doesn't hinge on my finding love. I know many people think that you can't live a meaningful, satisfying life without a romantic partner, but I do not feel that way. I do not fear ending up alone. I've kind of always preferred being alone. A lot of people say "I don't want to die alone", but I don't care about that. If I'm dying, then I'm not going to care about whether I'm alone or not for very long.

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if you end up alone, will you ever be truly happy?

 

i don't know.

 

you have to make yourself happy, i do know that, though.

 

i've been out of a relationship for a year now, living alone. it's strange to be the only one who will remember the way i spend a lot of my time. and it's sort of bad to not have that other opinion to keep me level. but i have friends and activities so i'm not isolated or anything.

 

i do find i grow more eccentric the more time i spend by myself. i suppose anyone does.

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I often times feel very lonely, and it depresses me. So no, I don't think I'd truly be happy if I was alone for the rest of my life. But at the same time I don't think I'd be happy in a relationship either.

 

The drama that comes with a relationship hard enough, but I'm also really close to my parents (especially my dad) and everyone's used to me not having a girlfriend ... so if I suddenly got a girlfriend everything would change. And that really scares me and breaks my heart to think about it. My time would be divided and someone would inevitabley get hurt ... including me. And I don't want that to happen. There's no possible way I could enjoy being with someone, at someone else's expense.

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