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I got a call last night. Running away ?


DjSystemz

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Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 6 months now. Last night she called me to see how i was doing and then she told me that she was feeling weird lately. She also told me that there was something that she hasn't told me and it's been bothering her forever. There was a night where she got totally wasted and i guess got dared to kiss a girl and she did. This was about 4 months ago and I knew about the whole night so it didn't really surprise me. That was the last night she ever drank. Then she told me that she thinks we need to take a break, then she started crying over the phone. I kept asking why and she told me that she needs to get her life back in order. She needs to find a job to pay off her huge phone bill and gain her parents trust again. She feels like having a boyfriend at this time is something she doesnt need.

 

So I said ok, whatever will make you happy. I asked her if she wanted her stuff back she made me and vice versa. She said no I want to keep what you gave me and she wanted me to keep what I have of hers. They are more like notes and little things than anything. I was crying and I wasn't expecting anything like this because just the day before we went out and had a great time. We went out to eat and we laughed and even went to the puppy store to look at puppies. Im 19 and she is 17. So we decided to take a break after my 7pm phone call. She calls back 5min later asking if she was still allowed to talk to me still like before and call me and talk to me. I told her yeah im not going anywhere. Then she said that when everything is fixed with her life she will tell me so we can go back out. I said sure I will wait as long as you want me too.

 

Then I asked if I could come see her tonight and maybe we could talk more about this whole thing. She said sure so I ended up going over there around midnight. We sat next to each other in the back porch and i asked her what she was feeling. She told me that she feels like her life isnt in order. And then something came out of me that I thought would never. I told her something along the lines of how life is never perfect. How it is full of obstacles you have to overcome one after another after another. And your never happy in life unless you find someone or something that makes you happy. You need to cherish it and no matter what obstacles you get to, you will always know that your happy because you still have that someone or something.

 

At this point she opened up to me telling me how she isolated everyone and everything from her sometimes. It's her only way to deal with things. IT doesnt make perfect sense though because she hates being alone (in general not relationship status) So if you hate being alone so much, why would to push everyone and everything from you. I told her you need to keep the things that matter to you and be happy. She decided that she wasn't going to break it off with me because i think i made her realize that she needs more just as much as i need her. She also told me after she made her decision, that if she did want to take a break with me, it wouldnt have lasted very long. She said that before I came she was in bed and couldnt sleep because she knew the possibility of us not being together. She told me she couldn't last 2 days without me. And if i wasn't to come over last night she would have called me and would want to talk about it more and possibly got back together with me on the phone.

 

Has anyone experienced someone like this ? I think she might be stressed and cant handle a lot right now and maybe I made her feel like im kind of in the way ? I'm not too sure. Opinions ? Thanks

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I think it sounds like a typical 17 year old female...

 

She might be making things bigger than what it is and might need help putting things in perpective as in what is really important and what is really problems.

 

If she is 17 and making out with girls at a party and your not there, that would raise a red flag not really making out with girls put doing something like that when your not around. I don't know if you go to alot of parties or anything like that in a party lifestyle but most of the time that is egged on by guys and she is around people like that.

 

one thing I'd like to put out there is she could be acting this way because she has cheated. That explain this burden or weight on her shoulders and why she wanted a break for no apparent reason. she might of saw that as a way of not feeling bad about it and a way of never having to tell you.

 

Just some food for thought...

 

Bottom line is your 19 she is 17 both of you are young, your not as mature as you think you maybe when it comes to thinking things are the way they are work or I thought i was when i was 19. Its been 6 months you have been with your gf i know it might seem like a long time but its not. just becareful this girl might be doing something maybe not...maybe your too nice to her and try to hard obviously she thinks about herself first when it comes to the relationship its all about her and your the sidekick not the teammate.

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When we first started dating she was really selfish i will agree. Always about her and not me. But ever since 4 months ago things have changed. She isnt a party person. She has only drank a couple of times and that one night was the last night she drank and yes I know that for a fact. I do realize it seems like she is running away from her problems. I think she is sick of hurting me as she has done in plenty of times. Maybe there is something that she could still be hiding from me which I hope it's something not too major. She eventually tells me everything though. So im sure I will figure it out one day. But I have asked if if there is anything that she needs to tell me or anything that is really bothering her. She said no. I love this girl bunches. I hope this is the last time I have to go through something like this.

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You could very well possibly be going thru this again. I know your trying to be her support system and be there for it but there are somethings that she needs to do on her own. it seems like w/o she be lost and i know it might feel good to be needed like that but it wears on you and it will drive you crazy because you thought you were helping her and in reality you are hurting her and getting her used to coming to you when she has problems. Which is fine but when your involved with helping her deal with them thats an issue and i know it might be hard to watch her got thru all this but she needs to learn that your there for her but not to take advantage of your kindness and take that as a weakness one thing you'll learn woman arent attracted weakness and super nice guys they can use as doormats they like them but aren't attracted to them..

 

Again man your young don't pour all of yourself in this situation with someone that cant take care of themselves how do you expect her to take care of you?

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Uggg I dont know what im doing. Now I feel like she is hiding something from me now and still hasnt told me. Because it seems like she wanted to break it off with me for no apparent reason because she didnt want to hurt me or tell me something. But then why would she tell me about her kissing another girl ? Im so confused.

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To see how you would handle that new and see your reaction.

 

Im not saying she is doing anything im just giving your reason why she might do or say certain things. If you have a gut feeling most of the time your not too far off.

 

Just protect yourself the same way she does...

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She called me around 7pm tonight and I pretty much told her how she hurt me and how I feel like im doing all the effort and trying everything I can for her. She kept saying "what do you want to do?" like she wanted me to end it with her. I just dont understand, all the letters and love and everything. Would seem like a lie if we werent together. I didn't break up with her. We are still together but things feel a bit weird. When she was on the phone with me, she was very general with one or two word answers. I'm really lost.

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She called me around 7pm tonight and I pretty much told her how she hurt me and how I feel like im doing all the effort and trying everything I can for her. She kept saying "what do you want to do?" like she wanted me to end it with her. I just dont understand, all the letters and love and everything. Would seem like a lie if we werent together. I didn't break up with her. We are still together but things feel a bit weird. When she was on the phone with me, she was very general with one or two word answers. I'm really lost.

 

It sounds like this isn't the first time you bring this up to her and talk to her about how she is hurting you? She sounds agitated and annoyed by the question and if its not the first time you bring it up to try to correct it then she is taking it like your nagging at her.

 

So in that situation you already know a couple things. One talking to her about it isn't going to correct anything since you have gotten her used to her ways and bad habit she could be taking it like "what is he talking about and why is bring this up." Second she is showing or trying to show she is ready to move on by saying "what do you want to do" which im sure you replied that you want to be with her and work this out i love you ect ect and all you got is one or two word answers. Third now she is thinking something is up and is going into defense mode, she is going to prepare herself for something but she doesn't know what yet which will make things weird...

 

What i would advise in this situation. DON'T talk about your feelings anymore with her. In the relationship you have with her obviously she is the one that can talk about her feelings and how she feels and you'll listen to her but its not a two way thing so don't talk about it with her don't show it nothing for the time being. Second try not to spend as much time or energy on her slowly cut back give her space and the gift of missing you which is the best thing you can give a woman...lol but seriously it will help the less around and avialible you are the more she will have time to think about you and miss you. Don't be scared if she leaves you because if she does then she didn't want to be with you in the first place and why force someone to be with you and stress yourself out over it? You need to build the confidence for yourself because shes not going to do that for you to accept that not being with her might happen and that you can move on if needed. You've given her all the power in this relationship and its not balanced or fair to you. Slowly fading away and being around less (im not telling you to advoid her just don't let your day and what you do live and die on her actions) Doing this will only help both of you. Another thing keep phone conversations short and make sure you end the conversations with her on the phone it'll keep things moving smooth instead of you having those phone convo's when your on the phone and nobody has anything to say for 5 mins periods. Let her be the first to say i love you or make contact most of the time little things like this do make a difference and will help balance out your relationship..

 

Woman aren't attracted to guys who are clingy and unsure and those are signs you showing her and she is getting. Slow it down take it one day at a time and you'll see the difference

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This is actually the second time I have spoke to her about it. And as I really think about it, she did seem pretty agitated and annoyed. The deal is that she doesn't have a cell phone at the moment so she uses her house phone to call me when she gets home from school. So me calling her and calling her multiple times doesn't happen because I do not call her house phone whatsoever. She has also been on restriction from a high phone bill she accumulated. So all we can do is chat on the house phone or I could go to her school and be with her during her hour of lunch. So we really can't do anything. This is why this bothers me, we have not being spending time together like we usually have been, so maybe it gave her time to think.

 

I know what you are saying though DeviousOne. Don't be so clingy, make her miss you more by balancing out phone calls, and ease up on seeing each other so much. But I can't do any of it because of her being restricted by her parents. It has been almost a month and we both haven't gone to see a movie or just go out for that matter. And i'm really feeling that she doesn't want to be with me anymore or anyone else for that matter because of her not being able to to anything.

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