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Hey, I recently went through the ends of a 4 year relationship. I was 20 when we started dating, and she was my first girlfriend. I know I don’t have much experience with different relationships, but I just wanted my first serious one to be special.. and it truly was. We were crazy in love for about 3 years. It was amazing how well things worked between us. But about a year and a half ago we went on a trip, and she meet up with some old friends including this guy that she’s always been close friends with. Ever since that trip things started going downhill between us. She talked to this guy every night on the internet and almost every night on the phone. A lot of the time she’d talk to him for hours on the phone. I asked her several times about them, but she insisted that nothing was going on.. or if she had feeling for him.. and she also said those feelings weren’t there.. But I knew she was lying because I accidentally came upon something that she wrote saying that she was having serious feelings for this guy. I was devastated, but said nothing about it to her because I should have never seen what she wrote, and I just wanted her to be honest about it. About 9 months ago she said that things in out relationship went way too fast and that she lost touch of who she was, and that she wanted to move out.. Then a week or two later she want the option to see other people.. Then we weren’t on a “break” anymore. And now she’s dating that same guy. So I guess I’m just supposed to be that great guy she loved for 3 years, and say nothing that it’s all a big coincidence that they started dating right after we broke up. She seems to be happy with the idea of being friends, but I don’t know if I can handle that. She says she doesn’t want to lose this friendship between us. She acts like she did nothing wrong, and maybe she didn’t, but I just feel like I’ve been slowly allowing her to manipulate me so I could keep on her good side. I don’t know… I just don’t know where to go from here. I still love here and don’t know what to do.

What do I do with her?

How do I move on?

Is there any way to prevent this in the future?

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Broden, I know how bad this must hurt. I've learned though, that you can't make someone love you. I know it's hard to completely let go of her, especially after three years. But, you must let her go, and the friendship thing wouldn't work, you still have feeling for her, and I'm sure you don't care to hear about her and this guy. Be civil, but let her go, who knows maybe she just needs to test the waters. You must try and keep yourself busy, take up a new hobby, go out and be with friends. Don't sit around, sleep and moan over her all day. (I know, easier said than done) You never know, could be years from now, but maybe she'll realize what she once had. You guys are young, and a forever commitment this young.....it's scary. Maybe you should go out and test the waters also, you never know what new love you may find next. It will surprise you. Keep your chin up!!

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I wouldn't suggest NC cause I'm not at all good at it, also, I have this feeling that you still wanna keep her as a friend.. am I right? Just play it cool. Divert your attention to something else. We all go through this. It's tough at first, but you'll get by ^__^

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i think you will suffer more as you "try" to be "just friends." it's just not good. i think u do need your space so you can emotionally move on. you can be "just friends" after you realize you don't want her anymore even if she decided to crawl back to you. but you can't be "just friends" if you're hoping in the back of your mind that she'll somehow wake up and see that you were the one for her all along. it's not going to happen if you keep making yourself available at the snap of her fingers.

 

just move on. she thinks she's found the joy of her life. you need to go find yours too. you don't need to cry over spilled milk.

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