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The one that got away...


lvlyldy
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Have any of you out there been with someone you know that they are "the one" for you, but also knew that nothing could come of the relationship because of circumstances beyond either of your control?

 

I'm currently in a relationship with someone (10 months) I am madly in love with. We're completely different people in almost every way, but to be with each other I've found that we've both tempered out in a way that has made us both better people.

 

He's currently applying to medical school, and if he gets in (most likely out of state) he has told me from the beginning that our relationship will have to end. He has firmly believed that he didnt want a serious relationship until after medical school, and while our relationship is a pleasant surprise, he as of now feels like it would be best to end things. On my side of things, I would really like to say that if he wanted me to go with him I would, but it would just be such a big step- a difficult thing to explain to my parents, and then basically making a very serious commitment to someone knowing that nothing real could materialize (if it does) for at least 8+ years.

 

I know that he wants us to be friends for life, that we both mean a lot to each other in a very big way. I hate to talk about soulmates and such, but he truly is a "great love". As he gets further into the application process for medical school Im torn between feeling happy that things are progressing for him and sad that it means I am that much closer to losing him.

 

I guess the question Im trying to ask is basically.. to you out there, have you ever been in a situation like this where you are with someone and you know you truly love and want to be with, but you also know that there is no way to be with each other because of circumstance?

 

I love him and I want to stay with him hoping MAYBE things will work out in our favor, but a part of me is scared to death and wondering if it would be better to end things now rather than later knowing its a slim chance of things working out. Any advice?

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If he already knows he wants to end the relationship, he doesn't seem to be open to the possibility of a future with you.

I don't see how someone who loves you, for you can be sure he wants to end the relationship with you.

Ask him why he thinks that medical school and a relationship can't happen at the same time. Also ask him if he is open to hearing your needs and wants within this relationship.

Also grad school in general is very hard having a relationship and support is very helpfu l to have during this period. He may get into grad school and miss you and not have time to date and regret his decision.

He seems scared. Grad school will test your resolve for sure in lots of ways.

Tell him to ask around to people in med school and see what they think about the importance of having a good solid relationship while in school.

Also ask yourself do you want to be with someone who is so inflexible and apperently not considerate of your wants. ( I assume you would like to continue this relationship even if he is grad school ).

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Dont say MAYBE,he takes his medical study more important than you,there should be two reasons,

1.He is a irresponsible or selfish man,at least he doesnt care about your feeling.

2.He loves you much less than you loves him,or he doesnt really love you.

 

I am sorry about my words but I think you should not waste time on this man.

It is not the circumstances but him beyond your control.

 

"He has firmly believed that he didnt want a serious relationship until after medical school..."

He was not serious at the beginning,why are you so serious?

 

I had different experiences with you,but what I learnt is that,dont waste my time on something impossible.

Sometimes it is difficult to do that,so we give ourselves many excuses,we still hope he may change,but he will not.

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Thanks everyone,

 

Yea I agree its rather selfish of him to continue the relationship if there is no point to it... but even as friends I knew he never had any intentions of getting into any relationship with anyone because he knew it wouldnt be something he wanted while in med school.

 

He actually has talked to people in med school... and he said that those people he spoke to advised against having a relationship while in med school (also plays into his decision)

 

In the end he said, he never expected our relationship to happen and now he's in it, and that he's very happy it happened... so he cant really say right now how he feels about continuing the relationship into med school. For him, this is all new territory and he's never been the type to really think too far ahead.

 

Basically, as it stands right now he doenst think he wants to continue things into med school... but he isnt 100% sure thats how he'll feel when the time come, so its basically a wait and see kind of situation at this point. I can stay with him, and maybe something will materialize, or maybe it wont.

 

Also, in general I hesitate to push him. This is a big decision and if its not a decision HE makes, i dont want to pick up my life and make such a serious change for someone who isnt 100% into the idea.

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Many women support their men through med school (emotionally and/or financially) and then get dumped afterwards. It's a hugely demanding curriculum, with many hours of studying and practice. And once he becomes a doctor, depending on his specialty, he could be away from home for many hours a week. It takes a certain kind of woman to be married to a doctor. So consider what you are willing to sacrifice yourself before moving forward.

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Ah, the old 'whatever happens happens' relationship. I'm sure he's a good boyfriend, but do you really want to put yourself in the position of weakness on this thing? I'd find it galling... That he would tell you to just hang out would also be hard to duck. It shows low character. He is being honest and that's good.

 

If I were you, I'd take it out of his hands. There are many men in this world and many, I'm sure, who wouldn't expect you to hang on a wire while he mulled things over. Life is too short for this kind of crap. If he's man enough to make life or death decisions, he's man enough to deal with an intimate relationship - one way or the other. Don't hold him to a lower standard than you'd hold yourself...

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"wait and see situation" = he's not in it 100%. I wouldn't even give him the the pleasure of mulling over it, I would just tell him straight up that you would love to be there for him as a friend, but to get his butt to school so you can start the road of getting over him. It's not worth it to waste time waiting on him to figure things out..

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