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Living Alone over 10 years


livingalone

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I just wanted to get this off my chest. I've been having bad thoughts lately, and just been tired of being alone all the time. I'm 29 but have been living alone and on my own since I was 18. My life of pain started when I was young. I grew up without a dad cause he died when I was 2, my dad was 51, and my mother was 42 at my birth. My mother remarried when I was 10 and it ended up being a bad situation. The guys kids were wild, and on drugs. I've had things of mine stolen while living there, and I was basically neglected. I would come home from school and no one would be home and gone for hours. On top of that I was a chubby kid so I was always picked on at school. After 2 years of that my me and my mom got of out it and moved back home. Only after a few months of moving back home my mother died. I was 13. Then the second youngest who was 28 at the time took guardianship of me. He wasn't very good to live with, but my aunt at the time convinced my bro to do it, and told me as well. I didn't know any better then. I think he's bipolar cause he would come home and get angry for no reason, and destroy things. He didn't allow me to have a social life either as a teenager. He wouldn't allow me to get lessons on guitar after I got one for my birthday. I started in karate to learn self defense and he joined as well. After the instructor wanted me to be in tournaments he pulled me out. I think there was bit of jealousy. When I had turned 16 he didn't allow me to get my license or perment. He didn't allow me to get a part time job either. So I was always confined to the house and could only get as far as my legs or bike could get me. I wanted to get involved in football in school and he didn't allow me to do that either. Then when I was 18, he decides to move out and marry a girl the same age I was and he was 33. It was pure hell when he was dating her. He really would come home and argue at me, I think she did things that pissed him off and he used me to vent it out on. One time I stayed after school for extended studies and I walked home cause I was tired of waiting on him. He argued at me about that. The next time I stayed at school till 8 at night waiting on him cause I didn't want to hear him for 2 hours. Now that I think about it if I wasn't so tore up from depression then I would have beat the crap out of him. At 18 I was still in high school, no license, no job and was living on my own. I had to live off food stamps and had to fight to get assistance just cause I'm male. After I got a job, I was living off $6.00 an hr, with 20 hrs per week, with some food stamps. I'm doing a lot better these days, but what I want most out of life I don't have. I want a family and kids but I am unable to find anyone willing to give me the time of day. A chance I don't think is a lot to ask for but apparently it is. I don't have any friends and I'm just sick of being alone all the time. It's tiresome to come home to a empty house all the time.

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Don't dispair man. 1st things 1st, go out and make some friends. Do you have any hobbies? If so, you may be able to find a club for people with similar interests in your area. You could also just go to a sports bar or a club... The more people you meet, the more friendships arise and the greater chance to meet a woman. It's gonna take time but it's vital to get out and meet people.

Good luck

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Your alienation can lead to greatness. You know where your from and what you want and you are a survivor...your still young enough to have patience to be who you want to be...and if you weren't it would take patience anyway...if you want friends,learn ot listen without judgement but let that person know you understand waht they are communicating.

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Sounds like you've had a very rough life! There is definitly a lot of hardship that you had to overcome, I don't envy you! If you haven't ever been in a relationship before, then at least you have a clean slate, which is a good thing. Lot of people have so much baggage attached, including myself, it's hard to move on to a new relationship with people holding on to attachments from the past.

 

You have to believe that, there is someone out there for you! No matter what your situation, there has to be someone. You just have to go out and find it. Find someone who understands your situation, and if all goes well, hold on to her with all your might. Because sometimes, the time between an old flame and a new one, are far and few in between.

 

Although all seems lost, you have to be the first one to initiate what you want, before you can get the ball rolling. But, do it in a patient way. Good Luck!!!

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The only thing you learned from being introverted is that you need to be extraverted. Introversm is a pathway to lonelyness. This is not a path you've chosen, but something you've been forced into against your will.

 

Easily said your bro wanted you to stay in the house because he didn't want to deal with you and your teenage problems, as a result of that your life has come to a standstill. Even now you're standing still, we're going to end that.

 

Pretty much you need to create a 'rescue plan' for your life. What you are going to do is hit the gym, and go out in the weekends, in first instance don't go out to score woman. Just go out for the sheer fun of it , go visit the movies, goto the shopping malls, in short 'be there were the people are'. Anything is better then coming back to an empty house were the walls are just waiting to come towards and devour you.

 

You basically need to 'allow yourself to live' love yourself and you need to start living.

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alright well first things first, have you ever considered therapy? I know it sounds horrible and like an action of weakness, but there is nothing weak about getting help. In my opinion its an act of strength. Plus I think you have some old emotional scars that maybe you need to take care of before you look to start a family. theres an old saying that you can only love another if you first love yourself. and they could help you with your trust issues. which no one could blame you for having.

 

Also try to put yourself out there. I know its hard to do that when you've experienced so much hurt.. trust me, I've been through some simaler experiences. My real mom abandoned me when I was very little and my father never cared. and I lived with a friend of hers who abused me.. and then it was foster families. They took my little brother away from me. It sucked and I didnt trust anyone. I wouldnt let myself be open because I was trying to protect myself from being hurt. but really that was what hurt me. Just try being friendly with people, and give them a chance. invite coworkers out or do you keep in touch with college buddies? invite them out. when you go out for fun, talk to people. make connections. Its hard, I know, but its worth it. If your open to them, things tend to have a way of working out.

 

I hope you find all the things your looking for and I hope you find peace with your past. not everyone will hurt you. and the bad things that have happened? yeah they were bad.. but there is also soo much good in the world. Be open to it.

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Even though I have had bad experiences, I feel stable to support family. I have a good job, a roof over my head and I take care of things. There are a lot of other guys who are in worse situations than I'm in and having kids. Especially the ones strung out on drugs. I'm just tired of not having anyone to come home to.

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