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In love with an idea?


Stuffy Nose

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I posted about this girl some weeks ago, when I still had a chance with her. I was obsessed. Since then I blew it with her, and briefly got with some other girl. I guess it was kind of a rebound just from being rejected. I called it off, and it went pretty mutually, stayed friends successfully.

 

Now I can't stop thinking about the first girl again, although I hardly ever see her. I was thinking that maybe because I hadn't seen her in awhile (at least two weeks) I was being hopeless romantic, and picturing her a million times better in my head than she really was. I tend to do this sometimes, and fall in love with the idea of a person. However, I saw her at an opera that I perform in and my jaw almost dropped. I think she is beyond beautiful, and I find myself obsessed with her again. I only talked to her a couple of times, and the conversations run through my mind over and over.

 

I know I only have like a 1% chance with her now, but I don't even mind anymore. I don't know if it's unhealthy to do this, though. There have been a few girls that have shown interest in me, but I don't think any of them even compare to the one I'm obsessing over. What do I do?

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Pick up the phone? Sorry... I don't know what this means...

 

The girl I got with was a mistake, I admit, but only a small one. It was only a couple of days before I sat her down and told her that I really would rather just stay friends.

 

There are no other girls... Just this one that I'm obsessed over. All others can't even compare to this one in my eyes.

 

I told myself I was gonna have "me time" after I kinda got rejected by her (but not explicitly, I just didn't think she showed interest), but I don't think being head over heels over someone and just accepting that it won't ever be is healthy. I broke up with my girlfriend of three years because of this girl who I had only known for a few days, and now it's even more intense.

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Pick up the phone? Sorry... I don't know what this means...

 

call her /contact her, as you said your only expected a %1 chance, but you dont want to think "what if i took that 1% ? " later on, just contact her and arrange to do something if you feel this strongly about her.

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The problem is that I think I came on too strong. At first I got the impression that she was interested in me too, but it went away. I decided I'd just take some me time, and concentrate on school (I'm in college), and I'm still trying to do that, but I find myself thinking about her more and more.

 

I wouldn't even know how to approach her now. She has to have known that I was interested, and now I don't know how it would look if I tried to spark up a conversation. Also, I see her maybe once a week, which is awfully strange because she lives incredibly close to me (same building, a couple of doors down).

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friends first. dont tell her how you feel.. bad mistake. you could scare her off.

 

heres what you do. plan a get together with a bunch of your friends. girls and guys so it doesnt look like you picked her out special. then casually run into her. and be like oh wow I havent talked to you in a while, its good to see you. and she'll prob be cautious thinking you like her still and say something generic. be aloof and play it cool and before you leave, almost like you forgot or it was a sudden inspiration. be like oh yeah me and a bunch of people are getting together, you should totally go if you want. bring friends.

 

if she doesnt go, act like it doesnt matter. but be friendly. that will prob break the ice. and you guys can get to be friends. but still be somewhat aloof. play hard to get. but not too hard to get that she thinks she has no chance.

and if she does come. be like cool the more the merrier. and then at the get together. be friendly with everyone. show her how cool and layed back you can be. this will get rid of any anxiety she has over you coming on too strong. flirt a bit (playfully) but not excesivley. if you guys have anything between you, this could create a spark.

 

then just be friends with her. maybe flirty friends but dont make the first move. let her come to you and in the meantime see other people. you never know who could catch your eye. GOOD LUCK!

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That's pretty brilliant advice, except the "get together" part... It sounds like I'm supposed to get her to go to my "get together," at which point I ask her to something else? I don't see how the first part works...

 

I can very well see that I need to come at her in a very casual, aloof manner, so that she won't ... for lack of better words... be creeped out.

 

I only wish I could be in that situation. I don't really know who her friends are, aside from her suitemates. I'm pretty cool with one of them, and have done a couple of favors for the another (moved furniture, let her BF stay at my place for the weekend), but I really hardly ever see her. It's really strange, actually. At first I thought she was avoiding me, but she seems to have retreated into her room eternally, only coming out for class.

 

At one point in time we had a great conversation, and flirted to some extent. It became a philosophical discussion, then slightly religious, then slightly argumentative (although all along teasing). I've never really been able to talk to anyone like that, I mean, a real intellectual conversation.

 

Now... I count myself lucky to see her from afar.

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No at first its just the one get together lol. uhmm just plan a party or something with your friends and then follow my advice to invite her. and about her never coming out of her room.. do you see her at all?

 

Oh and the convo you had? thats good! try to have more. thats how you should talk to her at the party but again not excessivley. Girls like those sort of things but you dont want to pay too much attention to her.

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