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Can it ever work again?


littlestar
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Can it ever work again where there was verbal abuse, drug and alcohol addiction involved as well as obsessiveness and posessiveness??

 

What if he has changed??

 

Is it worth giving it a go if you still love that person after a month of NC and are thinking of trying again?

 

Or should more time be left to pass before making a decision like this??

 

I am feeling very confused and vulnerable today.

 

Or am i feeling this way because i miss him soooo much and it's a phase i am going through and have to pass through in order to come out on the other end?

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Try and think of it in these terms...you are alive and free to find someone who will treat you with respect and care...men like this escalate...good that he is doing so well with NC that should help you to not go back...

He was not a caring man...this phase will pass you just need to be strong...

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I know it's hard but try to find ways to cope and distract yourself..

write out what you want in a relationship...write out what you have with him...does it meet any of the criteria...write out all the mean things he has said and done to you...seeing it on paper might make it more concrete...

spend time with friends and family right now...take time to figure out more about yourself and WHAT YOU WANT...make this an opportunity instead of a deficit...

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I've been doing well distracting myself until now and i dont know what happened, I think the whole reality of the situation just hit me.

I was meant to go to the hair dresser today to pamper myself and i canncelled, i feel so unhappy, all i want to do is lock myself at home. Cant say i am feeling all that well either.

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I had some news this morning that has reminded me of who he really is and no he hasnt changed. And no i havent broken NC.

 

Hasnt made it any easier though.

 

Hey, littlestar! We're all proud of you, stay your ground! You're doing exceptionally well! We all go through these emotions of ups and downs... heck I'm trying hard to push thoughts of my ex out of my head now because of that Britt Lapthorne incident. She is the splitting image of my ex almost...

 

I don't know what I'd do if, god forbid, anything happened to her...

 

Anyways, it takes years for drug addicts and alcoholics to recover from their past habits, and most never recover... so as Victoria so noted, a month is nay a second in that regard for him to reflect on his abusive behaviors.

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A month feels like forever when you're in NC. 27 days today. 4 weeks tomorrow, i dont believe it!

 

A day draws out like a week, and a month draws out like half a year, so in noting that you are doing well trying to get over him.

 

Anyways, you know the drill on staying in focus goes , so I hope you'll hold out and eventually accept all that this is for what it is...

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Well, I hope you'll stay indifferent when and if he does contact you. It's not going to be easy, but from experience they'll usually just test the waters if anything first... so be prepared.

 

My ex did just that, when I thought she had one more week to go on her holiday... I didn't do too well because I wasn't prepared. But nonetheless I let her know that I wanted more than just friendship at that point.

 

She said she missed me and all, missed my smell, missed spooning me - told me how awesome I was to spoon. Missed my cute nose, my lips. Oh gosh, how hard is it to resist such words when deep down inside I still wanted her back then.

 

Be prepared to be indifferent just in case he does call - so he knows the ball is not in his court anymore...

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Oh man, just reading your post got me all emotional.

 

I don't know what i would do if he contacted me. Should i answer him? I dont know i would have the strength to ignore him. I am scared i am going to come right out and tell him how much i still love him and been missing him like crazy and this has been the hardest 4 weeks of my life

 

I dont think i can handle being in NC but i dont think i could handle being in contact either. I am so messed up.

 

How long u been on NC?

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Oh man, just reading your post got me all emotional.

 

I don't know what i would do if he contacted me. Should i answer him? I dont know i would have the strength to ignore him. I am scared i am going to come right out and tell him how much i still love him and been missing him like crazy and this has been the hardest 4 weeks of my life

 

I dont think i can handle being in NC but i dont think i could handle being in contact either. I am so messed up.

 

How long u been on NC?

 

Littlestar, it was farken hard holding in my emotions as she talked away and all I could picture was kissing her gentle and delicate lips. I've been in NC for five weeks now since she last contacted me when she relayed those words to me, and three weeks now since she last contacted me about her belongings.

 

So officially I'm not doing NC, nor am I going to contact her... what is official though is that she's dead to me, but of course I still care very much for her. Mainly because she'll keep on letting the bad men mistreat her and she'll in turn mistreat the good men. All of which are out of my control and I am accepting of it.

 

I think you'll do well, you can cringe in pain from holding in your emotions, he ain't gonna know over the phone, heh.

 

You are not messed up, on the contrary my dear friend, you are doing exceptionally well, as I've been saying.

 

Just be prepared, heh, but at the same time don't hold out for anything. The bitter surprise is not all it's made out to be... as he'll be sweeter than ever now. So be indifferent.

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Right now i want to cry and let it all out but it feels like it cant come out.

 

I just feel so emotionally drained from all this. I just want it to end. I want to be able to wake up one morning and say "It feels good to be alive and its not hurting as bad, i am making progress"

 

I feel as though i am not making progress with the NC coz i am hurting more than ever. I've never stuck to NC like this before.

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Going NC is unfamiliar territory for you and for most who are currently doing it. So it's understandable the amount of pain you're all going through. This is after all going against the grain of reconcile - the norm being to go after a lost love - but this is more so done to allow us to move on.

 

Are you keeping yourself busy! There are great folks here which you could always come and release your emotions to. Filtering them in that way will do you good. Certainly better than to break NC and go into relapse.

 

I didn't cry for a long while... but it actually felt really good to cry once I did though. I gather you have cried before and now it's all dried out... Maybe you are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.

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I am trying to keep myself busy - I am working and studying, thats a handful in itself. But i find i am losing interest in doing things, i feel better sitting around mopping about him all day.

 

I spend a LOT of time on here. Reading other peoples post and making threads about my own heart ache.

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You should just go! You would have felt better! New look, new style. Nothing beats the feeling like coming out from a hairdressers looking all fine and dandy. It's satisfying!

 

A makeover will do you a world of good! It'll boost your confidence and all too. Schedule another one, heh.

 

Mind you, I had one a while ago and when I walked out of the hair saloon I got a lot of smiles.

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I did make another time for Oct 30th. My hair dresser was shocked to see me cancel as i never have cancelled one appointment in the 10 + years he has known me lol

 

lol @ the looks u get when u leave the salon....i get them all the time ,feels good to be noticed lol

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