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Mantis

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I'm sure you've heard this one a thousand times on a board like this. Well, I'm almost 20 and I fail pretty bad with girls. Most I've ever had is 2 hugs from a girl in high school, never kissed or held hands or anything. Haven't done anything socially with a girl outside of school since elementary. Despite all that, I haven't really felt lonely very much. I mean, I wanted to have a girlfriend and all that, and put forth some minor effort to get one, but I was never really LONELY. Once in a while I would be, but it was usually gone the next day. Maybe I believed the story that if you stopped looking, a girl would come to you. That turned out to be bunk. Even so I didn't step up my efforts much. Maybe I still wanted it to be true, or maybe I was just lazy. I don't know.

 

Eventually, at the very end of high school I decided to ask out a girl I'd known for a good year. Yes, I know that's too long. Yes, I knew it then. Too much emotional investment and all that. But I was a pansy, and asking her out at all was HUGE. I wasn't sure what she was going to say. I thought it was possible she liked me, but I knew I had waited a long time to do anything. Well, she said no. She was civil about it, but I was still depressed for a little while. But before long I got over it and things went back to the way they'd always been.

 

About 2 weeks ago, I got angry. Angry at myself, because I knew I could do more. For all the thought I'd put into getting a girlfriend, I'd taken very little action. And for me, anger at myself is the only time I ever make real changes. So I took advantage of it and talked to a girl after class that I'd been staring at for a good month. We just talked about school, but she didn't mace me and she actually seemed like she enjoyed talking to me, at least a little. We talked again after the next class, and I even manged to tease her a little after that. It doesn't sound like much, but by my standards it was a pretty big deal. It's only the second time I ever approached a girl on my own, when I wasn't forced into talking to her with, say, a group project or something like that, and it all went fairly well. (The first time was maybe a month ago, after a few sentences the girl seemed totally bored, so I just stopped.) Last week we didn't talk at all, because the class schedule was weird and we kept leaving at different times, but we at least said hi to each other. I wasn't attracted to her yet, except thinking that she was cute, and I had no reason to believe she was attracted to me yet, but I thought the potential might be there. Well, then I overheard her talking to someone about her boyfriend. Dang it. It wasn't THAT big a deal. I knew from the start that it was a possibility. But I was still a little disappointed that the first girl I've even sort of gotten along with in almost a year and a half was taken. I'd still like to be friends with her, that would still be better than I've got now, with NO female friends. But I'm back to square one for looking for a girlfriend.

 

But here's the thing. I'm finally getting motivated, I've had a victory that, though minor, is still quite a bit of progress. And suddenly lonliness just hit me like a tank. And it's not going away this time. I don't know what's different now. I know that I'm young and still have time. I'm not even after sex. I don't think I'm ready for it. I don't know, I guess I just want a girl to like me and be attracted to me, even just a little, and maybe even want some small physical contact with me. As far as I know that's never happened. I know it will probably happen eventually, but that doesn't fix that I feel bad now. I feel jealous when I see couples walking around holding hands and hugging. I don't resent them, but I wish I could do the same thing. I have male friends, but they're all older than me. I don't mind it, but they're not the type of people that go out and party or whatever. Most of them have kids of their own. And like I've said I'm taking steps to actively get out there now. But it's going to be a long, difficult process. I have no dating experience and weak social skills. I don't know how I look physically, no girl has ever said anything either way, so I figure I must be average. Given all that I'm not sure what I have to offer a girl. I'm smart, but that's about it. Thing is, before I decided to actually try to start talking to girls, I wasn't lonely yet. I can't prove that one caused the other, but the timing makes me wonder.

 

I guess there's not really a question here, I just needed to complain for a while. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading and drive home safe.

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I know how you feel..I am in the same shoes as you..I am 30 and still today I have not had a gf yet. I never been out on a date and I have not kiss a girl yet.

 

I am keeping my hopes up since I have in my late teens and in my 20's but it is not easy..I do go out but I don't go to the bars or clubs. I don't like the bar and club scene. I spend a lot of time at the book store, the library, stores, the park and at the ice rink when I skate. But nothing yet

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Okay, I don't care what ANYONE says, ANY guy can get a girl provided a few things: he takes care of himself (takes showers, exercises, [don't need to be cut, but it helps,] etc.) he dresses into his own style regardless of others to stand out (although I think it'd be a bad idea to dress in a skirt, but even then, I'm sure somewhere, a girl finds that attractive; a weird note, my ex "punished" her ex bf whenever she was angry at him by making him wear her clothes) and the most important: CONFIDENCE.

 

I think the reason why girls may not find you attractive or eligible is not because of your personality or physical appearance, but just from reading what you are writing, you seem to lack confidence. look at Fat Joe, for example: what would he have if he didn't have confidence? why, he'd just be a fat puerto rican guy who raps!!! but he brims with confidence, confident in knowing who he is, so women find that appealing.

 

So to both of you: Remember: if you act like you have nothing to lose, play it cool, smile alot, talk with an air of charge in your voice, and generally act like you what you want, you will attract girls. remember: NOTHING IS MORE ATTRACTIVE TO A GIRL THAN A GUY WHO IS BRIMMING WITH CONFIDENCE IN HIMSELF!!! so carry this mentality in your head next time you talk to a girl: "I know who I am, I know where I stand, and grankly, you don't like me, that's too bad, because I don't care."

 

oh, and my last girlfriend, the reason why she initially started dating me is because she was very attracted to my intelligence

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12 Reasons You Can Find Love
12 Reasons You Can Find Love

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