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48 hours of total misery


aloneagain41
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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I know that at some point time will heal all wounds but right now I'm so absolutely devastated I can't even speak. I did laundry, cleaned the shed, look at pictures of my kids from when they were babies, did more cleaning and OMG I am in my worse nightmare right now. Nothing is working. The phone rang and I didn't recognize the number but ran to the PC to check where the area code was from and then thought maybe it is from the ex and maybe he is calling from someone else's phone...how friggin pathetic am I. I have heard from a couple of my friends that they think he is just in a bad place right now, but will miss me and come back. I've been through this before, but this time the pain is stronger than anything I have felt in many many years. I cannot imagine life without him and I know he is hurting too because we do love eachother. I cannot for the life of me see past this right now and it is only about 2 pm and I don't know what to do until it's time for bed. I am so repeating myself, but I am truly falling apart. I keep imagining that he will come running to my door, call me, text me, email me and say that it was all a big mistake. This may never happen and it's the never that is making me crazy.....no help for me I don't think

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You need to get out of the house. You sound very anxious --I've been there many times-- and so you need to focus on something else. Go to a movie, bake a cake, take a walk... Even if your heart isn't into it, put yourself on autopilot and go.

You feel like you are falling apart right now and you will probably feel this way again but you do have control over your feelings, take some deep breaths and move on to something else. I know it's hard but let go of the pain for just a moment. You can always go back to it later. Set a short-term goal (take it one hour at a time) and do it.

Hang in there...

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relax, just post and vent in here everything that went wrong between you two and we'll try to help you find a solution, were here for you.

Thank you. I don't know what went wrong other than he just really wasn't ready and thought deep down that he was until his friend announced his impending divorce and finding out that his brother is having anxiety and panic attacks surrounding the birth of his second child for fear that he will end up like my boyfriend, alone. There were plenty of times when we didn't see eachother and it sucked but I was ok with it because I felt we would have a lifetime together. Now everything is back to the way it was for me. I have my children that I adore, I work and take care of what needs to be taken care of and the only thing lacking with a life just for me and after all the dating since my divorce 4 years ago he was the one....he was everything I deserved and more...not a loser type like my usual choices I should say. I am holding on to the hope that he will call me again, but more terrified that he won't. I know he is hurting from this and from everything else and maybe he wishes he could call me but won't because he knows the pain he has caused me and I see all these postings about no contact and wonder how far does one take that. I mean yes on the one hand if I were to contact him and not get the response i want or get something that I'm gonna read invalid hope it it will be horrible to deal with, but then again my life has always been based and worried on the "what ifs"....I don't know I really don't. I'm stuck working from home as I have been and it is really hard not having anything to distract me. I still can't eat and I've tried but it just comes back up. I think I'm ok and then bam I'm balling my eyes out trying to make sense of it all. I'm being selfish I think because he is in a bad place right now and needs to heal, and I just wish he could heal with me. I want him to realize that what he felt for me and how he said I made him happy was real and can last and can help him through this...see there i go again, trying to fix things. thanks for listening need to get to work.

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I am alot like you, I have high anxiety and I am always thinking of the what ifs. I wondered the same thing, maybe he doesn't want to contact me again because he's afraid that he'll set me back. I too felt that he ws everything and more, but looking back, there were things about him that I didn't deserve either, like the way he would get so angry and fired up, or run off to our bedroom when confronted with something, acting like a child.

 

Try not to think about whether or not he will call you, that will just drive you crazy. You have to force yourself to not think everytime the phone rings that it'll be him. Chances are it won't be him, so you're just setting yourself up for disappointment everytime you check the phone. If he calls, he calls, but you can't count on it.

 

Hang in there, take it an hour at a time if you have to. Do some deep breathing, and be strong.

 

Jenn

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"but looking back, there were things about him that I didn't deserve either, like the way he would get so angry and fired up, or run off to our bedroom when confronted with something, acting like a child. "

 

No relationship is perfect and there are things that bothered me of late which was he seemed very depressed about missing his kids and seriously overworked and I know I couldn't fix any of that...but I felt and much because of the way he treated me that we were happy...our relationship was good and though other aspects of life on both sides sucked that we would make it through. I wish I could give everyone real insight into how we were together and how he spoke so highly of me and when we were able to spend a day and night together how he missed me so much after I was gone. All of those things that are making me crazy...i just want him to get better and come back. again i repeat myself...dammit i hate feeling like this!!!!!!

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