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Dating Someone Not Attracted To - D...
Dating Someone Not Attracted To - Do It!

To expound on another link I put up, the masochistic personality disorder.

 

 

 

How many of you known damaged women who only chase unavailable people? That is what primarly turns them on. People who often have daddy issues and want what isn't an option (or easily an option).

 

I know many girls who only date abusive men or men who are not interested or who were but gave up and are no longer available.

 

It doesn't matter who the guy is, how good he is, or how much chemistry might exist, these women ONLY want them if they can't have them or men who will treat them poorly. Anything else is just to feed their ego.

 

There are many women who do the same thing by chasing after married men (I hate cheating and would never be friend's with someone like that).

 

My psycho therapist talked to me about this today and noted that he has treated many emotionally damaged women with this sort of behavior.

 

 

 

On another question, what do you think of women who are terrified of being hurt because of past bad break ups and do you believe that the more potential they have with a partner, the more likely they are to pull away and not allow themselves to get close to the? Have you met women like this?

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I think you have to understand the general personality of abusive men and the empty void of "damaged women's" psyche. Abusive men are not abusive at first they are strongly charming and tell the woman everything she wants to hear. If she is in a black hole of pain from past traumas this will feel overwhelmingly wonderful. Then as the relationship continues the man will start treating her badly but she will find this familiar and normal. She'll think she was expecting to much for him to remain nice especially to a piece of crap like her.

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how insulting.

 

 

i hate the phrase "daddy issue". i had serious drama with my dad growing up and that's not even the worst part. the worst part is having people labeling me the girl with "daddy issue".

 

 

you're not perfect. everyone has issues. to reduce them to something like this is so uncalled for.

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victoria by damaged I mean self-destructive or even hurtful to other people. That is what appears to constitute damaged.

 

I could counter-argue here that it is the men who abuse these women who are self-destructive and hurtful and it is they who are damaging the women in the first place.

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Hurt people hurt people. So I can definitely see how someone with issues would be toxic to a healthy relationship. I can't say I've met any women like that, but I'm sure there are many, many hurt men and women out there who want a relationship, yet are too hurt (or 'damaged') to be in one at the moment. Once inner healing takes place, then they can focus on others.

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how insulting.

 

 

i hate the phrase "daddy issue". i had serious drama with my dad growing up and that's not even the worst part. the worst part is having people labeling me the girl with "daddy issue".

 

 

you're not perfect. everyone has issues. to reduce them to something like this is so uncalled for.

 

I personally hate the phrase 'daddy issue' too. I don't deny that women can have issues later on in life because of their parents. But ughh... daddy issue sounds so condescending.

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I have those issues but it's not as if I go out looking for men who are unavailable. I really believe they are good because that it what they show me and then I find out that they are just like my dad and I had no idea. So, its like we gravitate towards whats familiar and not always consciously. You sound as if you have been with women like this and perhaps they just didnt want to be with you. I wouldnt take offense or generalize because some of us women with "daddy issues" truly do want to be in healthy loving relationships but are sometimes just more prone to running into and falling for men like our fathers and sticking around hoping to "fix" him so that we can have the male/female connection we never could with our father. I am hurting over the after effects of a situation like this right now and I don't appreciate being deemed "damaged." I am college educated, independent, attractive and kind hearted and my "daddy issues" don't define me.

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cmplx as far as my past goes, you don't know anything about me. You are defensive and hostile when nobody is attacking you and if you don't think this has validity you should know one in particular wanted to be with me before I was interested and afterwards so much that she went nuts when it was too late. Meanwhile ALL their relationships have otherwise been abusive. You are damaged if your behavior is self-destructive enough that it produces bad relationship patterns and if these are repeated patterns it isn't just coincidence you are pursuing these types of men. However it is just a term. As far as daddy issues defining you, they may or may not define your interpersonal relationships, but nobody said they are more than a part of you or that they make you a weak person.

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noneka those are types of abusive men however there are women who pursue men with red flags which suggest abusive personalities and love them more for it. They in fact are partially responsible for the abusive relationships they find themselves in. You don't just find yourself in these relationship patterns if you are a person who prioritizes men who treat you right

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purple parents play a huge part in healthy relationships. That often makes them 'daddy issues.' If you would prefer the term father syndrome we could call it that.

 

As far as being insulted, you have no reason to be. You are simply imagining yourself being attacked because of preexisting insecurities.

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Again, an assumption. Unless you have managed to meet every woman who has ever had a bad relationship with her father, and date them all, then you have no grounds to attack and label a certain group of people as damaged. Is this a professional opinion of yours or simply an argument based on a few experiences that you've had. Everyone has a story and those stories often leak into people's relationships later on in life but that doesnt give you the right to label them. I'm sure you have some things that might garner you the title of damaged. I'm not hostile, I don't know you, so why would I give a post that much energy when I really don't care. My grandmother used to say opinions are like----everyone has one. Can't get upset about that. I just respectfully disagree with you.

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purple parents play a huge part in healthy relationships. That often makes them 'daddy issues.' If you would prefer the term father syndrome we could call it that.

 

As far as being insulted, you have no reason to be. You are simply imagining yourself being attacked because of preexisting insecurities.

 

haha, yes. i'm really imagining you labelling people and reducing them to just simply having daddy issues, rather than being a human BEING with troubles. just like yourself.

 

 

i have to ask though, why are you so interested in the business of others? aren't you in psychotherapy for your own mental health? yes, why not focus on your damaged self before anyone esle? hm? sounds good, doesn't it? being called damaged?

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Again, an assumption. Unless you have managed to meet every woman who has ever had a bad relationship with her father, and date them all, then you have no grounds to attack and label a certain group of people as damaged.---

 

 

I am not under the impression that every woman is damaged who has had a bad father or bad experiences with their father nor did I ever make that claim. I am referring to the those who have developed masochistic or borderline personality disorders or those who desire intimacy but have developed a phobia of it. I think there are a large number of healthy women who have had bad fathers and either overcome any damage and been rehabilitaed from it' or never had those disorders in the first place.

I also don't see the word damaged as offensive. Everybody is 'damaged' to a relative degree whereas their objectives and mental/emotional health are impaired by prexisting chemistry and experience.

 

Is this a professional opinion of yours or simply an argument based on a few experiences that you've had. --- both, although I have developed an assesment based of not just my own experiences but many other people have experienced. I don't form opinions from just my own 'personal' interactions, although these women do seem to be drawn to me in large numbers because they find my interaction comforting. My own assesment has included direct discussions with psychiatrists, psychology professors, social workers, writers, and one Dr. Bob Spitzer who is one of the most influential mental health professionals since the seventies. I come from a family where both parents were both involved in mental health (a psychiatrist and a psychiatric nurse). Of course there are far more negative experiences that create these emotional habits than just a bad father.

 

 

That is just the most common one because it is such a dominant male figure in a woman's life, and even then it is rarely the sole cause. Mothers, negative peers, mental illness with a biochemial orgin (which makes somebody even more sensitive to the above), and sexual abusive are all powerful things that can make somebody behave in a way that is destructive to themselves and others.

 

Everyone has a story and those stories often leak into people's relationships later on in life but that doesnt give you the right to label them. I'm sure you have some things that might garner you the title of damaged. I'm not hostile, I don't know you, so why would I give a post that much energy when I really don't care. My grandmother used to say opinions are like----everyone has one. Can't get upset about that. I just respectfully disagree with you.

 

 

Everyone has a story and those stories often leak into people's relationships later on in life but that doesnt give you the right to label them--- You don't aware of a reality if you do not recognize and articulate it.

 

 

I'm sure you have some things that might garner you the title of damaged.-- definitely.

 

I'm not hostile, I don't know you, so why would I give a post that much energy when I really don't care.-- I don't believe that but either way it isn't important.

 

 

My grandmother used to say opinions are like----everyone has one. ---

 

yes, that is an irrational cliche since many opinions are obviously more correct than others.

 

Can't get upset about that. I just respectfully disagree with you. -- and that is fine, although I think you have misinterpreted many of the arguments.

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I think you have to understand the general personality of abusive men and the empty void of "damaged women's" psyche. Abusive men are not abusive at first they are strongly charming and tell the woman everything she wants to hear. If she is in a black hole of pain from past traumas this will feel overwhelmingly wonderful. Then as the relationship continues the man will start treating her badly but she will find this familiar and normal. She'll think she was expecting to much for him to remain nice especially to a piece of crap like her.

 

This is very true. It took me years of therapy to figure this out about myself. I had an abusive father and then I started dating abusive men, as I got older. Eventually, I noticed this pattern and slowly started to heal. This took many years and many failed relationships with abusive men, that were extremely charming and persistent in the beginning of the relationship, and then turned physically, verbally and emotionally abusive.

Now I am at a point in my life where I know how to recognize the red flags, but I am also extremely afraid of dating again.

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haha, yes. i'm really imagining you labelling people and reducing them to just simply having daddy issues, rather than being a human BEING with troubles. just like yourself. --

 

I realize they are human beings with troubles. That isn't counter to my viewpoint. Nor am I suggesting they can't get beyond their troubles nor are in some way automatically weak and inferior although I would argue that weakness varies depending on the personality.

 

 

 

 

i have to ask though, why are you so interested in the business of others? aren't you in psychotherapy for your own mental health? yes,

 

 

, doesn't it? being called damaged? -- Not in the least. I would be the first to admit that I am also damaged. The term doesn't offend me. Everybody is, some more than others, but I am certainly so.

 

 

 

why not focus on your damaged self before anyone esle? hm? sounds good---

 

 

I already do. I scrutinize anything I would perceive as damaged in myself when happiness and my goals are being influenced by bad behavioral patterns. Both studying my own problems and others has helped build better self-awareness and has allowed me to overcome many challenges as well as understanding other people better. Knowing whjat makes other people tick is not only intellectually stimulating, it helps you understand some of the fundementals of human nature.

 

Damaged women are attracted to me in high numbers -- both as friends and sometimes more. The more aware I am of the psychology of trauma and bad emotional patterns, the more I have come to be able to understand them and I have now learned to better protect myself in the process which is now my first priority.

 

Not that I mind getting too close to every one of them, but there are better ways to approach somebody who is emotionally vulnerable if you want a close friendship or more than the ways I have done so in the past.

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