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Unmotivated and need ideas to change

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Hello All My name is Joe and I'm 23 years old, I browse this board alot, looking at the healing after a breakup forum, as I said I am 23 years old and work at a part time crap job and am for all intents and purposes a hermit, I work and come home and spend my time on my comp and try to figure out why I cant seem to get a normal job and feel good about myself.


I've always had poor self esteem and I think this is due to my having a slight case of Cerebral Palsy which affects my left side and causes me to walk with a limp, I'm a fairly small guy who has always just "gotten by" well now I feel I cant just get by too much longer as I live with my grandparents who are both diabetics and in ill health. I have major issues over my childhood, like my drug abusing father not being around and getting molested by an uncle (aunt's fiance) who took advantage of me looking for a father.


I'm mad at my father for having more kids after he got clean, I feel insulted like I wasnt good enough to kick the habit for and keep my family together. So I dont talk to him.


I had a great girlfriend who treated me like a king and I stupidly took advange of her, I love her but couldnt fully accept that she is a fat woman, I did stupid things like hide when I saw frends in public. I was and still am mad at myself because after she left me I realized that I love her and am willing to claim her as my woman.


I fear rejection and not being good enough, I dont really trust anyone and dont expect anyone to trust me.


I want to change but am gripped by fear of failure, I always feel like I'm left behind and not good enough.


What can I do to change.

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Hey bro,


If you were to make a list of things you needed/could change about yourself to be able to start putting yourself into a better position, you just did. If you read over your post you'll see some things that need to be worked on, which is good, since that is half of solving a problem.


I know you regret how you treated this girl, but hey, WE ALL HAVE THOSE. It sucks to admit that you've lost something that was taking care of you, but truthfully this should make you appreciate the next girl even more. If you don't, then I would say there was no hope for you. But for now it is good that you judged her on the wrong qualities, so next time you should look past all that. How a girl makes you feel in the privacy of your home should also make you feel the same way out. It is not fair to her or you to do otherwise.


I totally understand the part time job, my hours were cut when the economy fell apart and only recently did I get the majority of mine back. It can definitely have an effect on your ego. I'd like to say get out and get a job, but I don't know what is around your area.


The most important thing to remember though, is that really successful people didn't make it big thinking small. Donald Trump and Bill Gates think big, and then have the nuts and aggressiveness to follow up on their desires of being successful. This job you have now is stupid, and I don't even know what it is, because ultimately it is not what you want. It might get you by for a bit, but I would use your free time looking for a new one. Remember though, do give it some respect as it is paying the bills.


Keep your chin up though. There are a lot more people in this world than you think that are having a harder time than you and making life look easy. Use them and those you admire as inspiration.


And keep your chin up. Good luck.

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I am sorry about your father and the events in your life that occurred due to his absense. It is a very unfortunate thing when a parent is never around. What about your mother and grandparents? Are they supportive of you?

What kind of job do you have?


At 23, you can still change your life around. As far as your ex-girlfriend, I would attempt to rectify the situation. Tell her about your newly discovered revelations, and tell her how much you love and cherish her. Tell her that she treated you like a king, but you just weren't ready (apparently) at that time to just love her no matter what her personality was or what her body looked like or what her hair color was, etc.


I believe that you can turn your life around.


I know that you have been negatively affected by life, but think of how many blessings that you have. You have realized that you are in love (I know that that in itself is a blessing). Try to focus on the postive instead of the negative.


Here is what helped me realize that I wanted to turn my life into a complete positive---I realized that I was in love with my current boyfriend and that he was the one I wanted to marry. So, I made a list of goals (short term and long term) that I want to achieve over my life. I pasted it on my wall next to my bed... So, when I get up in the morning, I see it and that is what pushes me to do and be my best... Not the physical piece of paper, but the idea of making my future marriage the best that it can possibly be... not only because I love DAvid, but because I deserve a great life.


So, Did that help?


Email me if you need more positive inspiration: email removed

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My ex has been out of my life for almost close to a year and I miss her alot, I hate myself for letting my perception of what others might say about her control my thought and actions.

Pretty cowardly on my part, in talking with her on AIM, she used words like abuse, finiancialy and emotionally which are all true, I did things like ridicule her about her music and she paid for everything.


I want her back and I believe things will be different as I've opened myself up a little bit and now dont believe that if your taste arent the same as mine then you suck. She called me a p*ssy and she is right.

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