The Memories Hit You Like A Tonne of Bricks

[Chupa Chup]

hello everyone

 

i've been rather quiet for the past 3.5 weeks since my 1st post. i've been taking my time on this path of grieving and healing and also taking time to read other people's posts and learning from them. thank you for all your constructive advice and comments. i can say that time really does heal the wounds, pain and hurt (very slowly) i've been going through but its the memories of my past relationship that has me shaken up most times when they go through my mind no matter how hard i try to stop thinking about it and distract myself.

 

sometimes, in the middle of something, they seem to just hit you and shake up your system when you least expect it and it makes me feel like a soldier wounded and defeated amongst the war fields. just when i THINK i'm alright, a sudden wave of grief hits me and its been so weary tho i try hard to carry on fighting. through this process, i have managed to accomplish a "great" skill in looking out at windows or just staring at ceilings/walls/objects with this blank look on my face. i have been trying hard to lead a normal life and get back to my exercise / life routine but i just hate it when memories (good and bad) just floods my mind and throws me momentarily into another planet or universe, in my own private world of hurt and pain. i KNOW i am moving forward very slowly - its just this thing that makes me burst out into tears or makes me retreat back into my own private emotional hell.

 

this break up has left me pretty scared about going into another relationship for a long while. (i'll give myself about a year) perhaps i say this only bearly a month (3.5 weeks) after it happened but right now, i just find getting back into the dating world just too intimidating and scary. i look at young men on the street, around me, probably really nice, caring and genuine people and all i can think of is how scared and unable i am to even WANT to date again. my broken heart is learning to mend itself back again. i'd like to make new friends though. it is something i'm almost ready to do now but to get into the dating world again is impossible now. i guess this is normal eh?

 

have any of you ever dreamed about your ex where the main theme was abandonment after your break up? i've never had dreams about my other exs as such until this time. they usually include him walking away or ignoring me or just walking past me silently and i feel lost and abandoned with nowhere to go. in these dreams, its really REAL to me that i have indeed lost him. when i wake up, there's a sense of sadness and loss. not only are my dreams a reality but even in my sleep i can't escape it!

 

however, time has made me realize a few important things that i need for closure. i now know that it was the best thing for us to part because you simply can't continue to stay in a 1 sided relationship any longer. i also realized that he's just an individual who's just really emotionally messed up, frustrated, confused and who has these deep seeded issues with feeling love that are just so blocked up, it will take a long while for him to deal with. the worst thing is that i love him still but i can't help him through this. maybe what was said is right - i just need to leave him be to deal with it himself. only HE can help himself, not me, not anymore. i just want to move on (tho painfully and slowly) with my life and learn to smile, trust and love again... in time.

 

my apologies for this whinge but i thought i'd just drop a post as an update. i know i am slowly but surely recovering (the no-contact rule has helped tremendously). we have not contacted each other (and i don't think there's any intention to) since the day we broke up. its just sometimes so difficult to realize and accept how a good thing could have gone so wrong and now what's left are nothing but memories and a sense of "what might have been". BUT, we pick ourselves up and TRY to move on with a smile, knowing that time will only make things... BETTER.

[SpecialOne]

Hello Chupa Chup,

 

What you have written so far has already made you in taking the first step to recovery with your ordeal. I am happy of your progress.

 

Of course, it is not good of you to be on a dating scene currently and is prefectly normal. Otherwise, your relationship could possibly be a rebound and furthermore you could hurt other people in the process if things doesn't work out between you and this new person.

 

Having dream and sometime nightmare of your ex-by are prefectly normal. This could possibly be explained by your thought of him during the day or maybe 24/7. Take it as a reminder as way of forgetting him.

 

You are doing just great. Remember, it is normal if you still have feeling for him after a long time, as it could take you about one year to fully recover and move on, unless you keep telling yourself to forget the pain you suffered.

 

Good luck.

 

Special One.