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Trying to Date A Girl Who's Having a Hard Time


Citan
Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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So like. I've been seeing this girl who recently broke up with her boyfriend. She also in the past month had to move out of her apartment, lost her job and is just getting herself back on her feet. She lives with her grandparents now.

 

She spent the weekend at my apartment and we got intimate and it was really affectionate and I thought things were going great--- but during the week is when she dropped the bomb on me that she didn't want anything relationship wise for awhile. We have a GREAT time together when hanging out -- we love the same things, we both make each other laugh, enjoy the same shows, can talk about lots of stuff ... but....

 

She knows she's still in love with her boyfriend (but knows they won't get back together) but seems really conflicted. She says she cares about me and doesn't want a relationship with me until she gets her act cleaned up ---- and also doesn't want to feel obligated to date me after she does.

 

She's also been drinking a lot and kinda panickally IMs me. I really want to be there for her but she's keeping me at a distance. She says she wants to still hang out but doesn't want to be relationshippy.

 

I know cerebrally that it's not me and that she just needs time to get over her ex ---- why am I so hurt by the fact that she's making the right call in not getting into a rebound relationship with me?

 

What can I do to not be overbearing and pressure her into things she's not ready for?

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You feel like she is using you to get over her ex. Which she sort of is, to not be lonely. There is probably no hope of getting into a relationship with her though. At least not now.

 

Yeah, I am really afraid of that. I'm jaded because I don't know if she's into me and just not ready or what....

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She's been honest with you that she is not ready to start a relationship, which she probably isn't, and a lot of times we don't even get the kindness of such a warning in situations like this. Maybe start by seeing that she must like and respect you enough to be truthful to you about where she is right now, and don't let it appear in your heart as a rejection.

 

It's still tough, but keep the facts in mind and don't allow yourself to blow the opportunity she gave you - to get away before getting even more involved and hurt.

 

hugs

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Time to walk away. At least she gave you the heads up that she is not ready. Many people rebound and don't bother telling their new partner until the relationship is well on its way. She has too many issues she needs to deal with...better to walk away than simply be her bandaid to ease her lonliness and pain.

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Citan - you asked:

 

"why am I so hurt by the fact that she's making the right call in not getting into a rebound relationship with me?"

 

You are probably hurt because you thought or are thinking that there is a future for you and this girl. Perhaps there is, but you also know that shes just rebounded. There is 2 lots of hurt here, and thats why you are probably struggling to understand it. Your heart knows what is right most of the time, try and listen to that.

 

AND

 

"What can I do to not be overbearing and pressure her into things she's not ready for?"

 

There is nothing you really can do. Just give her space to sort herself out. Be there for her as a friend - but nothing more. Thats my 2 cents.

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