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Every time I think I might be making progress...


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I'm trying so hard to move on from my ex -- we broke up after 3 years at the end of August. It was completely unexpected for me, and he did it saying he needed to be alone and find himself. Within a month, of course, he had a new girlfriend, and has never been so happy, she's great, things are going so well, etc.

 

Every time I think of him with someone else it kills me. It doesn't matter how badly he hurt me, how much I know I shouldn't be with someone who can do that. Every once in awhile I think I'm doing okay, then, all of a sudden, the idea of him and his girlfriend hits me, and I literally feel like someone stabbed me.

 

He is happy, loving life, and has moved on the way I wish I could have. I feel so stuck. He is still living a college life with no responsibilities, I am living a graduated life where I struggle with money, and have moved to a place where I don't have many friends. I also moved to help take care of my mom, who has recently gone into hospice care. I hate it that he is out being carefree, loving his girlfriend, and seeing people who used to be our friends every day. I, on the other hand, am working, poor, taking care of my mom, and lonely every day.

 

I feel like I'll never love again, and I hate knowing someone else now has the future with him I once had. I just want to be okay again...

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I know it too well how it all goes, and I'm sorry you're feeling so down and hurt. We realize that we give our ex's too much time and thought. They aren't deserving of them, yet we still do it. It's all normal in those small doses and circumstances, but to acknowledge that we feel uneasy when we are in such a mind frame is far more important. So try to acknowledge how you feel and shun those thoughts out of your head, each and every time they pop up again.

 

You have to accept that all is over between the two of you and that you MUST now make and construct your own path in life. Focusing on yourself. Sounds easy, yes, but surely you don't want to wallow in your own pity while the grass grows tall, and it'll continue to grow so tall one day that no one is going to find how BEAUTIFUL you are!

 

Make friends, join dance clubs, sports clubs, book clubs or knitting clubs... use the power of the internet to find social clubs near your area. You're single now, so keep saving up, save, save, save...

 

You are such a good hearted person to be looking after your mom and all. I would want to see good things land your way. Please try and picture yourself being happy, picture yourself being in love again... the day will come when all that is revealed before you! This is your choice; to do or not!

 

You WILL be okay again one day, in fact, this is guaranteed!

 

An inspiring thought for you: The guy you are meant to be with is alive and well right now… Somewhere in this world! Wouldn't it be nice wondering what he is doing?!

 

Cut the grass... show the world who you are! Sending you lots of support and good vibes~!!

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When I think of those things I try to use it to fuel myself to move forward. I don't really want to think in 1, 2+ years from now my ex might be getting married or even moved on to several girls since me, and I'd be in the same exact spot nowhere because I wasted time in my own pain for him. You know, if you ever see them again you want them to think and regret what they let go, not thinking "thank god I ended it with her". Life is short, sometimes we don't end up with the person we wanted, but we can end up with someone that really does love and care about us and it won't be all that bad.

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unicornfur: I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. I feel and know the pain of breaking up/divorcing a once loved person. I would suggest you push aside the other worries (money, working, lonely) and make the most of the precious time you have with your mother - that's the only thing you won't get back. The money, enjoying work, having good friends and love - definitely a guarantee, like Kahdeksan said! The sooner you heal, the sooner you'll get what you want in life!

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Am going through the exact same thing, unicorn.

 

Feel numb this morning. Like you I am in my working life - and I am having to face up to some harsh realities about the demands of the lifestyle. The woman I am trying to get over is still living the student life.

 

I want to know how to deal with these setbacks as much as you do.

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