elizmdavis Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 What is the best way to deal with a crush. I've had teh same one for 4 years and it is reciprocated. We have NEVER acted on it. We are both in relationships. This is the first time I have begun to feel tormented by it because things are getting to the "marriage" point with my bf...and we are very much in love The times when I wasn't as happy, I would think of my crus. But the happier I get with my bf, the more guilty I get of the crush. I want to get this person out of my system. If anyone has had a crush, you must know how nuts it feels. I know that nothing will ever come of it, I only talk to him thorugh emails a few times a year...but how can I just get over it??! Many opinions are welcome! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 Consider that the point is that you are not totally satisfied within your relationship, rather than being into this particular guy. A few emails a year means you probably barely know him anymore - it's mostly nostalgia. So, instead of trying to get rid of your crush feelings, why not focus on improving your relationship or getting to the source of the dissatisfaction? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 Well, I think that before you get married, you should get rid of this feeling. Perhaps tell him face to face, or email if you must, that you are stopping all contact. That you may like him, but, more importantly, you love your bf and it's time for you to let him go. Link to comment
Jetta Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 You have to distance yourself from the crush. That's the easiest, fastest, surest, way to get over him. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 Would you say that the reason you are still crushing is fantasy based? Do you fantasize of what could be? Link to comment
elizmdavis Posted October 9, 2008 Author Share Posted October 9, 2008 You have to distance yourself from the crush. That's the easiest, fastest, surest, way to get over him. I have tried that...for a year. Then I found out there was a death in his fam (His sis in law is my best friend) and I sente him a short "condolences" message and thats it. Then I get all giddy and dumb stuff like that... ugh. Link to comment
elizmdavis Posted October 9, 2008 Author Share Posted October 9, 2008 Would you say that the reason you are still crushing is fantasy based? Do you fantasize of what could be? Yeah, I really think it is. If you look in "Emotions and Feelings" forum, you'll see a small synopsis of the crush...(titled: "this darn crush...") it seems like a fanatsy I think. Let me know what you think. Link to comment
elizmdavis Posted October 9, 2008 Author Share Posted October 9, 2008 So, instead of trying to get rid of your crush feelings, why not focus on improving your relationship or getting to the source of the dissatisfaction? Thats what my bf and I have been doing, and we have been growing so much closer, its amazing. That is why I think I am at a point where I want to cut this thing off. It's not like I will never see him again, he is my best friends bro in law - it's just when I do see him I want it to be like nothing existed. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 Admit to him that it is a fantasy then. Things lose their tokein value once you've really put them in their place. You don't like him for him. The person you are fantasizing about isn't real. If you stick with it, you will be disappointed and ruin your very real and very great relationship you have now. Not so romantic when put that way, is it? Link to comment
elizmdavis Posted October 9, 2008 Author Share Posted October 9, 2008 Admit to him that it is a fantasy then. Things lose their tokein value once you've really put them in their place. You don't like him for him. The person you are fantasizing about isn't real. If you stick with it, you will be disappointed and ruin your very real and very great relationship you have now. Not so romantic when put that way, is it? NO so are right. I know I need to do this. How do you suggest I tell him? Like I said, my real love is my bf (I am lucky)...this guy is phony...the crush is mutual, but how do you say "no more"? I will cross paths again someday and I want it to be easy breezy! Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 NO so are right. I know I need to do this. How do you suggest I tell him? Like I said, my real love is my bf (I am lucky)...this guy is phony...the crush is mutual, but how do you say "no more"? I will cross paths again someday and I want it to be easy breezy! Tell him through email something like "Talking to you is negatively affecting my relationship with -----. I like you, and you know I like you. And, you know I know you like me. We have it all on the table. But, most importantly, I love ----. I would do anything for him, even if that means not talking to you. I feel that we are creating a fantasy and I'm just now starting to realize how unhealthy it is. I like you but I don't truly know you. I am putting up this image of what I have in my head from what you are like through the emails you give me. And then filling in the blanks with my own imagination. So, in conclusion, it's over. It never happened, and now it's over." Link to comment
elizmdavis Posted October 9, 2008 Author Share Posted October 9, 2008 The craziest part is I am about to be very vulnerable. This guy and I have never said our feelings to eachother. The only way I know about his crush on me is by my friend telling me...and she knew that I crushed on him. I have never tol dhim "I have a crush on you..." now I am about to. What do you think about this? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 The craziest part is I am about to be very vulnerable. This guy and I have never said our feelings to eachother. The only way I know about his crush on me is by my friend telling me...and she knew that I crushed on him. I have never tol dhim "I have a crush on you..." now I am about to. What do you think about this? Bleh, might as well admit it. Why are you vulnerable? You know he is crushing on you. It may feel weird but by admitting it and then rejecting the crush and just stamping it as "NO" you are taking control. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 my buddy's ex wife told me she had a crush on me. i still see her around sometimes. i don't act on it even now she's single. he knows about it and he doesn't care. he didn't when they were married either. she told me then. she didn't act on it. Link to comment
elizmdavis Posted October 9, 2008 Author Share Posted October 9, 2008 Bleh, might as well admit it. Why are you vulnerable? You know he is crushing on you. It may feel weird but by admitting it and then rejecting the crush and just stamping it as "NO" you are taking control. Yeah...I have been dying to admit it. It will be liberation!! Link to comment
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