miracle29 Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 I don't even know how to type this. I'm currently separated from my ex husband and have been for about a year now. I rebounded with someone very shortly after and he turned out to be a hude nightmare. Months later I took off and refused to date. I turned down anyone. Even ones who looked nice and seemed to be good men because I didn't feel like I was ready. A few months later I met someone and it just so happens he is a wonderful person. So whats the problem? The problem is I finally have a good man in my life and i don't know why, but I have hesitations about this. Maybe its fear, maybe its guilt from my divorce in process or something. I find that I'm not comfortable around him and feel guilt and nervous when i'm with him in public. i fee like Im doing something wrong when i'm not even cheating. Its not cheating if i'm don't live with the ex, don't sleep with the ex, only speak to the ex regarding my child, and I know that, but WHY DO I FEEL SO BAD? Why do I feel like i should not be with anyone until I die. Like i'm betraying my daughter because I called for this divorce due to being totally deeply and honestly unhappy with her father. Is this normal? I have a really good man now in my life, and its almost like i'm not ready for him. In addition I feel bad because he wants to meet my ex husband and I want to keep the two of them as far away from the other as humanly possible because I think the ex would slander me to him. He would probably turn him against me. Telling him lies about me, just like he did the rest of this town. I don't want the ex to ruin this or be able to turn this new man against me playing his mind games. I want to be able to live my life now without feeling guilt. Its like I feel like everyone is going to think i'm wrong for moving on with someone else. I feel like I'm going to catch judgment for this. Especially when i live in such a small town and if I crap in a toilet the entire town knows before I can even wipe after myself. Any advice? I don't know what to do here! Link to comment
i_win Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 Why not back off and take some time alone before diving back into a relationship? I don't think your new guy and ex husband should meet for any reason outside of introducing them if they run into eachother when exchanging the children. Link to comment
miracle29 Posted October 9, 2008 Author Share Posted October 9, 2008 I have thought about that. I think i'll lose this guy if i took alone time. He would think it was about another man. He has been screwed over by women as much as I've been screwed by men. Maybe i'm not ready. I agree with you about him and the ex not meeting. I don't want the ex to know what I do and who i'm with. I don't trust him. He's sneaky and spiteful and revengeful. Link to comment
UltimateX Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Are you currently separated or divorced at this point? I think if you are only separated, it is normal to feel that you are being dishonest even though you aren't. Many times separated couples feel as if there is still some connection with their spouse. Once the divorce is final you may feel a sense of freedom because at that point you are truly free. Sounds to me like you should back off the dating for a while until you get all the loose ends tied up. Emotionally, you don't sound ready to date. X Link to comment
scornandtorn Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Be thankful that you are capable of feeling guilt. Some people don't even recognize it, such as my ex wife. Link to comment
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