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implanb

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Back in Febraury I started dating a girl who I met in the town where I live. She walked into a store that I own with my wife (with whom I'm separated from for >2years - she left me for someone else). She caught my eyes but I didn't talk to her. I saw her a few days later in a local nightclub and we hit it off right away. This is where the complication begins. She was here visiting from another country and was due to return home the end of Febraury before her time allotment to be would expire - she was only allowed to be here for 6 months. We had a hot and heavy relationship until the day she left. When she left we decided to keep in touch through email, instant messanger, texts, and phone calls but not plan a future. Just to stay in touch. The day she left I felt like I had a part of my heart taken from me... I had never felt like this with any other woman. Three months passed and our relationship blossomed into a passionate long distance relationship. We fell in love with each other and it was not planned. She returned a few months later and we picked up where we left off when she got back. Hot, heavy, and passionate. everything seemed to be go sooooo perfect. Like a fairytale romance.. During her time here my soon to be ex-wife found out about us and has made life difficult for me. I recently filed for divorce (something I should have done years ago). I have been dealing with that issue. Recently though I began to feel anxious about my relationship with this girl .Not because I don't have feelings but I think because I am having a hard time allowing myself to get into another deep committed relationship with the FEAR of getting hurt again. Things got so hard for me that I decided to take some time off with this girl and try to clear my head up. I hurt her a lot, in addition to hurting her I confused her a lot. It has been very hard for me because I just can't seem to stop thinking about her. After my wife left me I dated some women but jumped ship when things didn't feel right and I had NO regrets or guilt. I always felt a sense of relief. With this girl I feel the exact opposite. I drag my feet most days although I am getting better the last week or so.. I am doing the best I can but it's hard. We share such a connection. She misses me alot she says and she can't even think about dating anyone else. The other complicated part is the fact that she is supposed to go home in about 8 weeks back to her country, which she had planned and kept telling me that she was going to leave. She didn't want to overstay her visa and become illegal. But recently she said that she was going to stay and work on getting her papers. From the beginning she said if ever decided to stay here past her time she would look to marry someone for papers. Not someone she is romantically invovled with. To her, its a business transaction to do that. I agreed with her and stated that I would never marry her so she can stay here. She agreed with me and that was it. When she did tell me she as going to stay I became nervous because I didn't want her to stay here in the country because of me. I was thinking what would happen if we broke up and now she is illegal because of me. I don't want that looming over my head. Our relationship for the last 4 weeks has been up and down - even though I took some space for myself more than 2 weeks ago. We have seen each 2X since that time and it feels so good to hold her and kiss her. We hung for about an hour each time during the day. My question is: Why do I become anxious when i am without her? And why do I feel great when I am with her? I think I have a FEAR of a deep and loving relationship. What am I scared of? I know that her intentions with me are NOT for citizenship

 

Some advice would be appreciated... Thanks

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I think you have good reason to be afraid of being hurt....You are opening your heart to a person from another country with no idea if this person is or is not, going to be allowed to stay here....Im sure your not willing to move to her country if she must leave...About her staying in the country because of you....She should only stay here if her reason for staying is she loves it here, not because of you. You should not have her leaving all of her family and friends for you on your conscience. I would not pursue this relationship in a romantic sense until I knew what was going on with her "papers"...Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me..

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Thanks for the reply.. She made it clear that she wants to stay here, regardless of what the outcome is between her and I. She really likes it here and feels that she will have a better life here in the USA. 2 of her 3 sisters live here, the other one will applying for a visa shortly. Her parents are going to be moving here soon and plan to stay here. Her 2 older brothers have their lives at home so they aren't coming. Once she has her green card she can come and go as she needs I think... When we met I didn't concern myself with her legal status because I would never have believed it would come this far. I just went with my heart and look where I am now! I am also concerned that if we ever make it to the point where we have kids, I worry about this relationship ending and then I am a part time parent. I have 2 already and its really hard sometimes. People tell me I shouldn't be so negative but the reality is it could happen again. And that scares me too...

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