Jump to content

mustard1234
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

Recommended Posts

Someone PLEASE tell me I'm not making the worst mistake of my entire life.

It is nearing day 20 of NC and the ex is asking for me back HARD. Calling, texting, flowers, reminders of the good times, "we can work it out" messages...

 

If I believed just a *little* bit more that I could find another Christian, passionate, interesting, smart, generous, artistic, supportive, tall and absolutely special guy...with a lot of personality and no STDs...

 

If I felt 100% sure I'd find that ever, ever, ever again

 

It would be easier to tell him to kiss off.

 

But I'm not. And frankly, I am absolutely horrified. I mean, standing in the face of abject terror...with the idea that this is IT and I'm pushing him away. And...what if I never find someone who is just so very *special* as he is, or no one is ever as kind or as interesting...or if I'm with someone who cheats on me or gives me a disease...oh hell. I am driving myself NUTS thinking that he is my only/very best chance.

 

He happens to be the first guy to, ever, in all of my 22 years give a darn about me. I guess I'm paranoid that he will be the only one. Ever again. I mean, tactically I can *process* that odds are against that but...in my mind, in the bottom of my soul I can't shake the dread. This kills.

 

So cost benefit analysis:

 

Supporting him through 2 years of cyclical depression followed by 3 months of emotional, personal & financial improvement/breakthrough...in which he decides to completely stop talking to me, mildly insulted me and spent less than 2 minutes on the phone w/ me when my uncle died.

 

that's worth ignoring someone who used to be really great, and i lost my virginity to and was the love of my life.

 

...right. ....

 

Right???

 

Oh God, he's calling me again. Hell's bells.

 

I'm going to be sick.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If I believed just a *little* bit more that I could find another Christian, passionate, interesting, smart, generous, artistic, supportive, tall and absolutely special guy...with a lot of personality and no STDs...

 

/waves

 

Well I meet the criteria, so that should be proof that we do exist.

 

Don't sell yourself short. I think, if you try hard enough and believe in yourself, good things will come.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i dont know why the two of you split... but you split for a reason.

 

if he was that great you would have dealt/worked out whatever the issue was.

 

DONT EVER think he is the only one. there are millions of people out there and he isnt the only one. guys with all the things you want may not be a dime a dozen, but they sure are more than one in a million.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What he did: Sparknotes version.

 

We met. He was 'perfect'. Tons of ambition...yet no job/concrete plans. Dealt w/ depression for 2 years. We were on and off because of it and he didn't get help with it. This year, he got help. Went on meds, got a great job, fixed things with his parents. Hooray! Except...he got very very cold and distant and pushed me out pushed me away. H-A-R-D. No explanations. Very true that he may have just needed a break or time to deal but it was not done in a mature, loving or kind way...which hurt because it was a TOTAL 180 from the loving way he'd always been. I'll leave out the part about me being his main support system in the loooong period prior to him deciding to get a therapist. So I bailed for good.

 

Now...he's back.

 

And I am here. Freaking out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

he's 'back' until he freaks out and pushes you away again

 

there's no way that he is 'okay' after only 20 days NC

 

he is probably panicking and so he is chasing you

 

has he even bothered to explain to you why he pushed you away? has he taken ANY responsibility for the crap he pulled?

 

don't be suckered in by pretty words and flowers...clearly you're intelligent and analytical, use your mind to solve this problem

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi l9...appreciate the kudos and your straightforwardness.

 

As to your question. Um, that's tricky. No long, drawn out explanation. No.

 

In this weeks messages to me he has said "I had to go through this transition alone". "I couldn't fix your life and mine at the same time" (Sdebar: I didn't NEED fixing but...whatever) and also said "It wasn't that I didn't care, I just had to take time to grow myself."

 

He said, a few times, *during* the 3 months he was actively not taking my calls that he was sorry for any pain and he loved me. Not crap else, but said he was sorry as he hung up.

 

So...I mean...

 

Kinda?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

in your opinion, is he offering enough information to warrant you speaking with him?

 

if a friend of yours ignored you for several months, and then offered such excuses, would you want to talk with her again?

 

if one of your friends had a boyfriend that ignored her for months, then tried to get her back, what would your advice to her be?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...