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A bit of a mess


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Hi

 

Well, I've been wondering whether to write about my situation for a while, and, if you don't mind me jumping in and joining you, I will try and explain things

 

I'm 24, lesbian, and last year, I started a relationship with a woman. Everything was great, we really fell for each other and were happy.

 

However, my g/f has a very strong religious background. I am not religious, but never had a problem, and my g/f hasn't had a problem with my lack of faith. When we started going together, I must admit I didn't really realise just how much religion is involved in her and her family's life, looking back now I feel guilty for even asking her out knowing the problems it has led to; the background she had been brought up surrounded by made her feel guilty about having a relationship with me. She never told her family about her relationship with me because the consequences would not have been good. Over the course of the past year there have been a few times when she had dilemmas about whether we should be together at all. Back in May, we almost ended up breaking up because she was having doubts, but she told me she loved me too much to leave me, and wanted to try to work out having both her religion and me in her life.

 

So, we carried on for a few months more. I have to admit since May, I'd been feeling concerned that the same thing would repeat itself again and again, and started to doubt whether we should be together, but at the same time, I didn't want to lose her, and she said she wanted to be with me. So, things went on, but then, at the end of August, I got a phone call out of the blue from her and she said it was over between us. I was really hurt at the time, but managed to ask why, and she said it was a dilemma she had between sexuality and religion.

 

But, a few days later, she started sending me messages, and emails saying she had made a mistake and regretted it. At the time, I was a bit of a mess, and didn't know what to think. My head was telling me not to go back, but my heart was saying try again. We met up one day and talked, and I was so dizzy with being happy at seeing her again I didn't disagree when she asked for another go. I did ask though that we needed to really work on our relationship and be slow. I now feel guilty about this, and don't know if I did the right thing. I am in such a mix up

 

That was about a month ago. Since then, I'm anxious all the time in case she suddenly calls me to say its over, or whether she feels confused or in a dilemma about us, but feels she can't tell me, and a whole load of other stuff. But, lately, what is worrying me is that she doesn't really communicate with me anymore. We haven't been able to see each other recently due to work, but in the past we managed ok by keeping in touch in other ways. But now... our communication has broken down a lot, and when I asked about this, she got upset at me I'm not a great speaker, so I wrote her a letter and tried to put down my feelings and worries about our relationship. She received it today, and I was sent a text message earlier saying it was really bad timing from me, because she had had a bad day at work then got home to read my letter.

 

I just don't know what to think. I wanted to try and write it down though because it gets it out of my head for a bit. This is my first ever relationship, and I'm just really confused

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Well, first of all why did she change her mind?

There are two reasons why she would have gotten back together.

1. She no longer believes that her sexuality is wrong.

2. She still thinks it's wrong but can't stand the pain of breaking up.

 

If it's the second, then you will go through the same thing over and over again. It means that somewhere deep inside of her, she hates herself for loving you.

I think you need to talk to her and find out what she feels about her sexuality.

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