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My roommate keeps using my stuff


ycmanvs

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If I buy chocolate, she eats it.

If I have coffee, she uses it, without asking me if that is ok.

Today she told me that she wants to use my perfume.

I know that she's already used it because I noticed that the bottle was moved from its usual place in my room. I told her that I did not want her to use my stuff and she agreed, but she keeps doing it.

I hate confrontation, so I just don't know how else to make her stop. Do I have to lock everything up?

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Probably. Keep the snacks you eat daily in your room. Or mark your things in the kitchen, write what is left on the boxes. Tell her that hey food costs money and you can't have her eating your things you only make enough to feed yourself. Well without it coming off so harsh.

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Sadly, that's the only thing you can do. I dealt with roommates for the past 2 years and it never stopped. Get a mini-fridge for your room, keep your stuff in there. Keep your door locked.

I hate confrontation and avoid it like the plague.

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Yeah, try to strike a happy balance - maybe sit down and agree to joint purchase and share SOME things (toilet paper, cleaning products, milk, maybe coffee etc), and others are yours.

 

Tell her to NEVER use your possessions again (perfume!) without asking - get a lock if you have to. But don't be that sad case that marks all their eggs in the fridge, and demands recompense over a sausage!!

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roomate or housemate?

if housemate, keep everything in your room. confrontations do nothing. it's annoying, but usually if you keep things out of reach they won't bother as much. and ask for separate cabinets in the kitchen & write your name on them (either post-its or permanent markers).

 

if it's a roomate... get a dresser and put everything in there. the key is to keep things out of her eyes/reach. that should deterr her a bit. if it doesn't, start using her stuff. lol. that should get the message accross REAL quick... unless you use expensive things and she uses cheap things.. =.=

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I just think that this is ridiculous. We are both attorneys in our 30's and we went to school together. She does not know how to respect boundaries. I feel like I am dealing with a child who wants to try mom's clothing or something.

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I just think that this is ridiculous. We are both attorneys in our 30's and we went to school together. She does not know how to respect boundaries. I feel like I am dealing with a child who wants to try mom's clothing or something.

 

wow, no way would I put up with that!!!

Cant you get your own place?

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I just think that this is ridiculous. We are both attorneys in our 30's and we went to school together. She does not know how to respect boundaries. I feel like I am dealing with a child who wants to try mom's clothing or something.

 

grrrrrrrrrrrrr I got similar one sitting infront of my office. Some people just can not grow up...

 

There is not much you can do, may be it is time for a new roommate....

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I think the perfume is a big issue too, why would she want to smell like you? LOL I say hide that perfumes are mighty expensive!!! But I think the easiest way would be to have a lock on your door, keep things in your room that are daily used by you. The things you don't care so much if she uses, keep em out.

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Rent is very high where we live. I am trying to save enough money so that I can get my own place. I have to figure out how to deal with a pushy person. She is very nice, but clueless when it comes to other people's boundaries. She grew up with a ton of sisters, so she is used to sharing. She would not mind if I use her stuff, but I am not the type of person that likes to use other people's things.

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sue her? lol.

 

the only thing i can think of is to get over your fear of confrontation and tell her to stop using your things again. call her out on it when she does something obvious or does it infront of you and confront her head on. id also follow the other advice given here and put a lock on your door.

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Can you afford a mini fridge and a lock? It goes a long way!

 

I would like to get a backbone and stand up for myself better. I am happy that I told her NO when she asked about the perfume. I still don't know how to bring up the coffee thing.

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I hate confrontation as well. Is there any way you could write her a note and just tell her that you would appreciate it if she would not use your stuff anymore? Tell her that you don't want this to become a big issue (I know, it already has), but you are really trying to pinch pennies right now. I'm sure being a lawyer, you can make the letter very diplomatic...

 

I agree with labeling stuff. Make it very obvious that you are watching the levels of YOUR items. Get a Sharpie pen and mark the levels on the bottles. Put the stuff you don't want her to use away and out of her sight.

 

I feel for ya! This would be a tough one for me as well.

 

It is, however YOUR stuff. She needs to learn to respect that.

 

Have you lived together long?

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I would like to get a backbone and stand up for myself better. I am happy that I told her NO when she asked about the perfume. I still don't know how to bring up the coffee thing.

 

link removed you can get backbones and any guts needed from there. or you could just take a deep breathe and go for it ! =)

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We've lived together for about a year now, but we've known each other for 8 years. I've been depressed for a month and I feel almost violated when people do not respect my wishes. I am shy, so I do not argue with people. I do corporate law because I hate going to court. She works for the state and loves to argue. We have very different styles of dealing with animosity.

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I would like to get a backbone and stand up for myself better. I am happy that I told her NO when she asked about the perfume. I still don't know how to bring up the coffee thing.

 

Then DO IT! That's a good start. Writing your name on all your stuff in the fridge and cupboard is a little passive-aggressive, but it can help her get a hint. Get a new door handle with a lock. You can get one for around 10 bucks at Wal-Mart.

 

Like the other poster suggested, try writing her a letter. Or just spit it out randomly as you're making dinner. Let her know you don't like to share things, and would prefer to keep them separate.

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I know you said that you don't like using other people's things, but maybe you can try to get used to using her stuff too? The perfume thing is totally wrong, but I have always liked being able to share food with my roommates. Now if she takes food from you and never replaces it, then that's a different story.

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The point is she clearly knows what you want her to do (not take your stuff) but she doesn't care and is just intent on doing what she wants and violating your wishes.

 

So in this case, the only thing that will work is an 'action speaks louder than words' approach.

 

Get a lock, put it on your door. Keep all stuff inside your room. I've know people who have roommates like that, and utlimately that is the only solution that works.

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The point is she clearly knows what you want her to do (not take your stuff) but she doesn't care and is just intent on doing what she wants and violating your wishes.

 

So in this case, the only thing that will work is an 'action speaks louder than words' approach.

 

Get a lock, put it on your door. Keep all stuff inside your room. I've know people who have roommates like that, and utlimately that is the only solution that works.

 

It is my apartment. She is renting a room in my apartment, but she is abusing my good will. I do have most things in my room, but I am not going to put a fridge in my room and barricade myself in, when it is my place.

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The other approach then would be to keep a running tab of the things she uses, calculate the price, and present her a bill each month in the same manner you expect rent.

 

Tell her she refuses to respect your boundaries, so you will charge her for what she takes. If she refuses to pay, then boot her out and get another roommate.

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