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BF private messaging girl on myspace


chocolate-cake

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ADVICE NEEDED PLEASE!

 

Today i went to my bf email ( he knows i have the password ) to print a form, i saw there was a msg from myspace- he has like 3 friends on it and doesnt use it anymore so i thought it was weird, so i snooped to the inbox ( he doesnt know i have myspace password ),

so i found he has messaged this girl who is his best friends ex, wen we first got together the best friend and this girl were together and they always used to call him over but i was never invited, then wen i first went to my bfs house, she called him saying shed been kicked out and needed him to go meet her he said he had to go i was like ok if u go im not sitting here waiting to he said sorry that was stupid ill tell her i cant come. I told him i do not approve of her- she tried it with him before we got together and while she was going ot with the best friend. He said he doesnt talk to her.

The mesage was from august and he initiated it saying hi wats up ... how are u and the family from ...

no kisses or anything, she replied with loads of kisses and said do u like my new tattoo. he said its nice what u been upto , she said went to paris with my new bf speak to u soon loads of love and kisses.

 

I feel really angry hes talking to her behind my back and has not mentioned, i also think its inappropriate for him to contact her since its his best friends ex and she is really dodgey, i cannot confront because i snooped but she commented on his picture the other day so i can bring it up.

 

What should i do about this i feel really upset?

P.S yes i know its wrong to snoop so no comments about that please

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Well if it's from August and he hasn't responded to her since then he really isn't talking to her. Sounds like he just was bored one day and wanted to see how she was doing then dropped it from there. I wouldn't worry to much about it unless it becomes more of a common thing for them.

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First off, "snooping" is when you don't trust the other person and pry into areas you should not be going.

 

Doing something completely INNOCENT, that you've done a 100 times before and finding something just WRONG and then pursuing it....that's SELF PRESERVATION and the Hand of God, if you will.

 

I've been on my partners computer off and on for all the 6 years of our being together. Same thing for her: if one of our computer's is active and we just want to check hotmail or ebay, we ask to use it and plug away.

 

I went to download photo folders that I had already asked her about copying; she gave me the "go ahead". It was only then, in a folder marked "Squirrels and Chipmunks" did I find the photos of her and her lover.

 

Unless you and your boyfriend are just FWB's and there is no implied or stated fidelity between the two of you, you have the absolute right to be upset, suspicious and hurt. I hope to God that this is NOT an age issue but when I read some of the posts on this forum from younger posters saying "Yeah...my drunk ex boyfriends/girlfiends are always texting/calling me for a booty call or "xoxoxoxo", etc. and what's the big deal", I just cringe inside. It smacks of the inability to form dedicated relationships and know boundaries. When my 2nd ex-hubbie began to call me up for "coffee and chats" 6 months after he married the OW, I wrote him a letter stating that I wanted "no further contact with you. You got what you wanted, now live with her!" Fortunately, he never contacted me again!

 

So called "innocent flirting" with someone that you have ANY kind of potential feelings for (sexual or more) is like smoking next to an open gas can: sooner or later, it will blow up in your face.

 

Someone wiser than me can suggest what you should do to pursue this question.

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It doesn't sound like you have anything major to worry about and particularly because he hasn't messaged her since August. Sounds to me however that she may have been trying to hit on him and he just wasn't interested...

 

Believe me, if there was anything going on, you'd have found more messages than you did.

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First off, "snooping" is when you don't trust the other person and pry into areas you should not be going.

 

Doing something completely INNOCENT, that you've done a 100 times before and finding something just WRONG and then pursuing it....that's SELF PRESERVATION and the Hand of God, if you will.

 

He doesn't know that she is snooping on his myspace. It's not okay to just sign into someones (anybody's) account without them knowing.

 

There was nothing wrong with his message that she found.

 

I'd recommend, dropping it, forgetting it...and moving along.

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I don't think there is anything distrustful going on here. In fact, it seems so casual that to mention it to you would be strange. I don't tell my gf everytime I talk to a friend who happens to be a girl or if I contact a girl to see how she's doing from my past.

 

I wouldn't initiate contact with someone I was romantically involved though...which he hasn't.

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thanks alot for the replies i apprechiate it,

 

i know i logged on without him knowing but i was shocked to see msg from ... in the inbox,

 

i believe she would be with him if he reciprocated, i thereforee think he should be responsible and not conact her, if a guy was trying it on with me and i still talked he would be really upset especially if i initiated the message out of the blue. If i ask him about it i feel he may say that he just replied to her message but HE INITIATED the message...

 

So do u think i should not mention this at all? I dont think they are cheating but i think it could rise to more if she keeps messaging him, i am really not comftable with it. Sorry if u think i am being petty but this girl is big alarm bells for me and has caused grief before. xx

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So do u think i should not mention this at all? I dont think they are cheating but i think it could rise to more if she keeps messaging him, i am really not comftable with it. Sorry if u think i am being petty but this girl is big alarm bells for me and has caused grief before. xx

 

I apologize in advance for suggesting this thought, chocolate cake, but this is one way to deal with this.

 

1) Do not say anything to him...yet.

 

2) Continue to check his myspace emails each week, clandestinely. If you see zero activity for a time period that YOU deem reasonable, then say nothing. But, if he begins to talk to her, moniter it and then say something if you see it building.

 

As soon as he knows that you are checking up on him, trust me, he'll change the password and then you'll REALLY think he's up to something.

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Doesn't appear to be a big deal. He probably didn't tell you about it because he knows how you feel about her. (that is obvious). But it shouldn't prevent him from staying in contact and seeing how she is doing.

 

You dont approve of her? Do you have to approve of all his friends and acquaintances?

 

I disagree with SS on this one. Wrong way to go about this.

 

This shouldn't be a big deal... it sounds more like you might have some insecurity issues with him and his other relationships.

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You are assuming way too much here and you really need to put your insecurities in check. It's a message on myspace. Big friggin deal. It's not like he said "hey what's up sexy" or something along those lines. It's plain and simple meaningless unless there are other signs that he is trying to contact this girl.

 

Let it go and be happy. Learn to trust him and let him have his friends and contacts. The more you make it a big deal in your mind and his, the more it will interfere with your relationship. He's going to have women that are interested in him all of his like, just like you will have men interested in you, but the real bond of a relationship is being able to trust that the other partner is true.

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i'd be pissed if i was messaging with a male friend or acquaintance, and my bf got mad at me about it. i'd find that behavior really controlling, and i'd probably ditch the bf.

 

If you were in bed with your BF and "messaging with a male friend or acquaintance" at 4:00 am, I'd hope your BF would be pissed at you.

 

There's a time and a place for everything, non-injurious. I have 3 great male friends. Every one of them is married. But, I restrict phone calls and visits with them to 9-5 for calls and dinners, with their wives consent, at very public places. And the wife is always told where we are going.

 

My guy pals think I'm silly but put up with it. I say to them, "If you want my friendship, this is the non-negotible deal: NO sex talk....ever! No dissing your wife....ever! And if we need to get together for work talk after hours, I talk directly with your wife."

 

This way, everything stays out in the open and there are no suspicions on either side. And if any of my male friends even has the hint of a crush on me, I hope that these actions has squashed it, dead.

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If you were in bed with your BF and "messaging with a male friend or acquaintance" at 4:00 am, I'd hope your BF would be pissed at you.

 

But he was not messaging back and forth and having a conversation....he received a message. Not much you can do about that.

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i'd be pissed if i was messaging with a male friend or acquaintance, and my bf got mad at me about it. i'd find that behavior really controlling, and i'd probably ditch the bf.

 

this is not really a female friend or aquantance, it is a specific girl who is a best friends ex, she has nothing positive to put on in his life plus he knows his gf does not approve plus he agrees with what the gf says.

 

If it was any random female friend i wouldnt be bohtered but this specific girl is trouble, HE messaged her first and into her inbox not on the wall, i dont see why he wants to start up contact with her,

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You are assuming way too much here and you really need to put your insecurities in check. It's a message on myspace. Big friggin deal. It's not like he said "hey what's up sexy" or something along those lines. It's plain and simple meaningless unless there are other signs that he is trying to contact this girl.

 

Let it go and be happy. Learn to trust him and let him have his friends and contacts. The more you make it a big deal in your mind and his, the more it will interfere with your relationship. He's going to have women that are interested in him all of his like, just like you will have men interested in you, but the real bond of a relationship is being able to trust that the other partner is true.

 

I trust him,

i dont think he is cheating

i dont mind having female friends,

i have a problem with this specific girl due to past actions,

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