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Nash
She's Not Texting Me Like She U...
She's Not Texting Me Like She Used To

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Hi guys,

 

rebound and reason for breakup

my ex is on rebound at the moment and I am quite sure that in her heart she still loves me. She broke up with me as I caused her inferiority complexes which I successfully healed by now.

 

first visit after breakup

10 days ago I visited her and made her a terrific weekend. As it was her birthday I gave her home made presents with lots of thought and we went to a musical and had fine dinner. She was deeply impressed and I could literally see the little cogs in her brain working. In short: She worked very hard on not showing to many feelings to me but nearly cried. Also she asked me if I did that to get her back. I replied that that question is irrelevant as she has another guy.

 

therapeutic advice

My therapist now said everything looks very good that she will come back to me.

 

My worries

However: She hasn't called for 10 days now. Therapist says: WAIT!

 

Question to the girls: What do you think is she going through? Why isn't she calling? She likes conversations with me a lot!

 

I just need some ideas why she is doing it. My self esteem is going down more and more.

 

Nash

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my ex is on rebound at the moment and I am quite sure that in her heart she still loves me. She broke up with me as I caused her inferiority complexes which I successfully healed by now.

 

Huhhhh? Women don't break up with men they love.

 

You need a new therapist.

 

Sorry for your pain. Good luck to you.

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Your therapist said she'd probably come back? Seems like an unprofessional comment...

 

Look, if someone breaks up with you - they may not actually know the real reason why they did that. They just know they didn't want to be with you at that time, and they made their decision. They may feel guilt about hurting someone they cared about so much - which is why most people avoid talking to someone they dumped - until the pull of old feelings and emotions sometimes makes them check in on you - it cures their insecurity and if you're nice to them, it eases the guilt.

 

I've seen a lot of reconciliations take place. And i will say that the longer you were together...the longer it takes, based on my experience, for someone to realize that while a breakup might have felt necessary at the time it happened, that doesn't mean that a relationship with the ex might not still be something worth pursuing.

 

Again, based on my experience...no matter how much someone still cares for you, no matter how much guilt they might feel - the guilt has to go away...they will never approach you to get back together - or to just go out and have fun and "see what happens" (which is how most of the reconciliations I've seen happen - two people break up, 6 months, a year, 2 years later, they wind up going out for a drink, the old chemistry is there...the "why did we break up" conversation comes up...etc. lol).

 

If you press the issue - ESPECIALLY if your ex is with someone new - they will continue to be adamant that the breakup was necessary, you never were right for each other, etc. It takes time.

 

I've seen a lot of reconciliations. The one's that worked - there was at least 6 months in between the breakup and the beginnings of a new relationship with the ex. A lot of things have to be worked out, and time not only heals wounds, it makes people forget all the stupid crap you fought about in the first place. lol

 

You have to let her go and stop trying. The only emotions you're going to stir in her are guilt and pity. And that's not attractive. The sweeter you are too her, the more guilt she'll feel.

 

She's with someone else. It's difficult, it's gut-wrenching...i know it first hand...but it's a perfect opportunity to move on and think about you right now. If she's not contacting you, it's a gift....believe me.

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I am quite sure that in her heart she still loves me.

I visited her and made her a terrific weekend.

She was deeply impressed and I could literally see the little cogs in her brain working.

She likes conversations with me a lot!

 

It sounds like you're making quite a few assumptions here. Sure, you could be right...but you also may be seeing something that isn't there.

 

She's still with the new guy, right? She's still not contacting you, right?

 

I think the best thing for you to do is to back off, don't expect anything and keep on moving on with your life. She sounds like she knows where you stand with things, so there's not use in pushing it any further. The next move is up to her and there isn't much you can do about it, in my opinion.

 

I'm also a little concerned that your self esteem is dropping because of this. Doesn't sound like you've done enough healing before approaching reconciliation. That's not good (as you can see from the hit to your self esteem) for you or for your chances of a successful reconciliation.

 

Good luck.

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I don't agree with your therapist. I know, I know, I'm not a professional. But, the facts are the facts. She is with someone else and in the meanwhile she is seeing you too, you are taking her out for her bday (where is her bf anyway and why wasn't he taking her out on her bday) and she's enjoying having you both and doesn't need to choose. Doesn't sound ideal for you, but it sounds great for her.

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Agree with the others about your therapist.

 

I think most of the things you've done/doing are only making it less likely she will come back to you (which may be a good thing she doesn't). The one thing your doing right is not calling her even though she is not calling you.

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