Jump to content

One step forward... 38 steps back!

Recommended Posts

Right, I need to write an all out vent post! I've been feeling so crap lately and quite often just expressing your feelings in words helps you confront them and hopefully, move on...


It has been just over a month since my ex broke up with me. I haven't seen him since then but my last phone call with him was about two weeks ago.


I'm going through this complete anger and resentment phase all of a sudden. I've read so many posts here that talk about how people feel when their exes broke up with them out of the blue, without reason (or in my case, without elaborating on his reasons), and I SOOOO feel their pain.


We were together for 5 years and he meant everything to me. It felt like he goaded me to let go of all my insecurities. And I did, I opened my heart to him and gave him all I had. In return, I felt that he too had given me all of him. No matter what hardship we faced, I always felt that with our devotion to one another, we would make it through. I had complete and utter faith in our love...


When he broke up with me, there were no warning signs. It really felt as though it took him one day to decide that he no longer wanted my love nor did he want to give his love to me. And it hurt SO BAD.


I must admit though, I do believe the break up had to happen. I've learnt so much about myself as an individual and myself as a person in a relationship. It has forced me to be more independent and see the relationship from a different perspective.


If my ex did not change at all through this break up, I know I wouldn't want him back. Sure, I miss him terribly but I know that the relationship would never grow. And even if we did get back together, would it be any better?


I don't want to lose my ex forever after all we've been through. But I'm scared of how it may turn out, whether we get back together or not. I don't know if I can ever be his friend, and that just magnifies my hurt because it emphasises the complete severance of our relationship. And I'm actually scared of meeting someone new... I'm afraid I might never meet that perfect guy.


Although I am confident around my friends and talk about moving on and doing all sorts of things with my time - I feel so tired of being strong sometimes. But I hate feeling lost and depressed as well.


I know that time will heal my wounds, eventually... Just waiting for that time is killing me!


It's amazing how the most intense love and pain can be delivered by the same person.


(And sorry for the sporadic nature of this post, thoughts of this kind don't often flow cohesively!)

Link to comment

I do not believe you have taken any steps backwards whatsoever.....you are right on pace....i felt this way around day 14 of my no contact phase....when you get to day 28...(which is my day today) you will feel much better.....


my ex contacted me yesterday....i did reply today briefly.....but am continuing on with my no contact......i didnt initiate it, and i kept the reply short, so i consider myself still on the plan


it will get better......some days are better than others....but you certainly have NOT taken any steps backwards.....


good luck to you and take care

Link to comment

And its totally natural for you to feel so angry at her right now, because he did after all make that decision to leave after what he had told you. But like I said, he most likely did mean it, but those doubts just keep creeping in. You know how you feel so right about something but you have lingering doubts? He probably felt it was time to do something about it before the relationship got any further.

I'm sure this decision really is hard on him..of course, because he cares about you, and I can understand how frustrating it is for you to hear that but he's being honest with you and even if it was a hard decision for her to make, he made the right one if he had these doubts.

And you've had the experience of getting "out there" and finding out how hard it is, he needs to experience that for herself as well. Maybe he will find out its not at all what its cracked up to be, and come back. The grass is always greener on the other side, and sometimes people need to go and find out that it really isn't. On the other hand, he might enjoy being single. Everyones experience is different.

In order to move on from this, try to keep busy, hang out with friends and do things that you didn't get a chance to do during your relationship. Don't focus on being angry and frustrated at her. Its normal to feel that way, but try to focus your energies on you right now. Nows the chance to do whatever you want before you get into another relationship, whether its with her or someone else.

Doing these things will also help you with your loneliness. What helped me for example was hanging out with my friends (who I barely saw while in my relationship), I made new friends, I took walks, went to movies (yes by myself too), went to bookstores and coffee shops, etc..eventually you start to meet new people and make new friends.

You might also find out new things about yourself that you enjoy. You are also very smart in not settling for just anyone who comes along.

Rebounds rarely ever work. How long you should remain single is different for everyone. Obviously while you are still very hurt, its best to remain single for as long as you need to heal. The best time to start dating again is when you feel ready to, and you will know when that time is right. Until then you most likely won't even be interested in dating or getting to know someone else. Now if for some reason you meet someone really cool that you might want to get to know, the best way is to be friends with them first, without the notion that it may turn romantic. If you find yourself starting to develop feelings for that person and you want to spend more time with them, then you'll know its right to pursue something more.

Theres no easy solution to stop loving someone, God knows I've tried, but unfortunately you can't control feelings or emotions. Time is what you need in order to heal, take time out for yourself. unfortunately theres not a lot you can do to stop the pain except to keep busy and try not to be alone a lot of the time. When people are in a relationship, they are used to being with someone all of the time, and when they break up, they are all of a sudden alone most of the time and its hard for them and it makes the break up even more painful. If you don't feel like going out, go anyways, you will feel a little better, it does help to take the focus off of the pain and on her.

Its always hard to trust anyone after an experience like this but trust is earned..and communication is very important.

Good luck..


Try this link too

link removed


Happy Heb

Link to comment

Hey Girl


Sounds like you are doing just fine. And "YES" I can feel your pain. Going through it myself.With what I thought was the love of my life. Went about two months no contact. Then out of the Blue she calls. Went back for a few days, it was going good a dream come true. Then out of the blue the bottem fell out again. The trust was gone. It still hurts but not as much because I had some time to heal......TICK, TICK, TICK, yes it goes by real slow. I know two months felt like two years. I'm still hurting and think of her often. But I catch myself now. Kill some time and buy a book called Love Addictions (don't let the title scare you) just go by it and read it. I promise it will help you heal alot faster. You will see the both of you in the book. It is a paper back and cost $13.00, best money you will ever spend.

The author is Susan Peabody. And I think you can buy it on line. Say your prayers and get some rest, eat right. And go out and go dancing. And yes you will love again, maybe not today but you will love again.


Warm Regards


Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...